Inner woman

Last weekend I went to a two-day-meeting of the Vrouwenontmoeting forum (vrouwen=women, ontmoeting=meeting) in a group building in Heeze. We were there with about 10 women, some known some unknown to me. It was a nice group, felt good. We had great weather: cold (freezing) but dry and sunny.
Everyone brought something for lunch, dinner, breakfast and/or between. I had taken care of the non-alcoholic part of the drinks. The food was very delicious and extensive! Everyone had done their best, yum-yum!
In the afternoon we made a trance journey to discover/meet our inner woman. We had all taken something to represent femininity. I took my Gaia statue, but there was a diversity of objects: make-up brush, pics of pregnancy, rubber hairband, Goddess pendant, oceandrum, sanitary towel, other women statues. The journey itself was very interesting. Afterwards everyone shared their experience, very different but still with similarities. I met two inner women: a perfect one (tall, long blond hair, slim, elegant) and one like the Venus of Willendorf (like this). They held my statue together and told me: "We are both part of you, don't separate us, we are one." When I answered I knew, they said: "Then do something with that!" They sounded nice and caring, but firm. I understand the message.....
In the evening we sat around the stove and talked about our backgrounds, paths, femininity, etc. It was a very interesting discussion and good to get to know eachother better. Unfortunately 2 women had to go home, but I was glad they had taken the time and effort to come! In a corner of the large room we did a little spontaneous ritual. Afterwards some went to bed, I stayed downstairs with a few others and we talked and laughed until late.
Early in the morning I woke up. I dressed myself and put on my new necklace (I made it myself in a workshop last Thursday). We had a huge breakfast around half past nine with freshly-squeezed orange juice. After the dishes most of us went for a walk in the beautiful neighbourhood. When we got back it was time to pack up and go.
Ladies, thanks for a wonderful weekend!!!!!

Age gauge

You said your birthday is 9 / 8 / 1968 (m/d/y!!)
which means you are 37 years old and about:

51 years 10 months younger than Walter Cronkite, age 89
47 years 2 months younger than Nancy Reagan, age 84
44 years 3 months younger than George Herbert Bush, age 81
36 years 11 months younger than Barbara Walters, age 74
34 years 10 months younger than Larry King, age 72
28 years 7 months younger than Ted Koppel, age 65
25 years 2 months younger than Geraldo Rivera, age 62
22 years 2 months younger than George W. Bush, age 59
17 years 2 months younger than Jesse Ventura, age 54
12 years 10 months younger than Bill Gates, age 50
8 years 0 months younger than Cal Ripken Jr., age 45
2 years 2 months younger than Mike Tyson, age 39
1 year 11 months older than Jennifer Lopez, age 35
5 years 5 months older than Robbie Williams, age 31
7 years 4 months older than Tiger Woods, age 30
13 years 9 months older than Prince William, age 23

and that you were:

33 years old at the time of the 9-11 attack on America
31 years old on the first day of Y2K
28 years old when Princess Diana was killed in a car crash
26 years old at the time of Oklahoma City bombing
25 years old when O. J. Simpson was charged with murder
24 years old at the time of the 93 bombing of the World Trade Center
22 years old when Operation Desert Storm began
21 years old during the fall of the Berlin Wall
17 years old when the space shuttle Challenger exploded
15 years old when Apple introduced the Macintosh
14 years old during Sally Ride's travel in space
12 years old when Pres. Reagan was shot by John Hinckley, Jr.
11 years old at the time the Iran hostage crisis began
7 years old on the U.S.'s bicentennial Fourth of July
5 years old when President Nixon left office
3 years old when Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot
not yet 1 year old at the time the first man stepped on the moon

It's a bit too much USA-orientated, but still fun!
Wanna try? Go here!
There's also a birthday card version.

WW: Spiritual Places

Give us a tour, some images, or detailed descriptions of your sacred space(s). Be it a small table in your room, a small trip through the woods, etc. Show us where a spiritual place is for you.
I don't have a permanent altar, because there's no space for it (yet). Most of my stuff is sitting somewhere on or around my desk and other things are stored in a big basket. I burn candles in front of my big Bast statue, which is also in the living room upstairs. When we move downstairs this room will be made into two rooms again, of which I'll use the biggest one for my desk, books and (finally) my altar and witchy stuff.
I don't necessarily need to have a fixed spiritual place though. All of nature is my sacred space! When I walk along the beach or in the woods it feels spiritual, special, magical, sacred. I love to feel one with nature. If I want to do a ritual I cast a circle and that can be anywhere. Sometimes it's only an imaginary circle in my mind.

Feelings

I warn you: this will be a depressed post in which I'll probably be complaining and nagging. I write it for myself to get some things straight and off my chest. Reading at your own risk...

I'm so tired of being tired all the time! My body can't keep up with what I'd want to do. I don't talk or write a lot about how bad it is; most of the time I just accept it and do what I can. I know some people don't understand why I have no job. They see me do a lot of things and have their own thoughts about it. Some judge me and think I like it this way. How wrong they are... I hardly ever show that other side. There's a difference between being tired and being tired I can't explain easily. I sleep a lot, but still need to lie down during the day. There isn't one moment I'm not tired. If I have done real activity, it's even worse. After one of those great weekends or meetings I go to I need extra time to recuperate. It costs me a lot of effort to do simple household tasks. No, I'm not lazy; I do my best but sometimes that's not much...

I'm fed up with the rebuilding! It seems to last an eternity. We have come a long way and I know it's getting close to finally be ready, but when??? Sometimes I doubt we can move downstairs even before next christmas... Yes, I'm getting very impatient, but I also want everything to be completely ready before moving. I want rest! I want space to live, space to clear away our stuff. I want to enjoy the things we are paying the mortgage for!

Will I ever get rid of the legacy of my eating disorders? I still have a love-hate relationship with food and with my body. Why can't I accept this body the way it is? I still don't like anything about my looks; I finally believe others when they say they do, but I honestly don't see it myself... I have learned to fight against it and to challenge myself, but I'm so tired of fighting... I know exactly what to do about it, but don't always succeed in carrying it out. I wish I could just eat because I have to and enjoy it without feeling guilty or something. I'd like to stop judging myself and having eating-disordered thoughts. Where's that switch???

That's it for now. There's more, but I've been venting enough to go on again and be able to count my blessings!

Update mum

This morning my mum had the appointment with the cardiologist. I picked her up early, so she wouldn't have to hurry or worry. Just when we were at the hospital she remembered the doctor's referral letter was still at the table at home... So I raced home and we were back at the hospital at one minute to nine. Hurry, worry, stress!
After making an electrocardiogram (ECG) the cardiologist asked questions and did some examinations. She was very kind and reassuring. After doing blood tests and a cardiograph we returned to her and had another consultation. She strongly recommended my mother to quit smoking. On February 7 we have to go to another hospital for a heartscan. The new appointment with the cardiologist is a week later (Feb. 15). That's when we'll hear the overall results.
What we've heard today... The fluid behind her lungs is almost gone. Bloodpressure was better (130/70). Weight is still low (48 kilo, after breakfast with clothes on). Her heart is beating too fast; she's getting another medicine to slow it down. It is also beating irregular and arrhythmical. The valve of her aorta is leaking and constricted by calcification (hardening). The whole heart is enlarged, because it has to work extra hard.
My medical English isn't that good (feel free to correct me), so I hope it is clear!

First anniversary SFGA

Around this time the SFGA (Dutch abbreviation for Spiritual Philosophic Society Amsterdam) celebrates its first anniversary; time for a party!
Yesterday evening we gathered with members and guests in restaurant-café "In de Waag" in Amsterdam. We had booked the Klovenierskamer (arquebusiers room), an attractive space upstairs where we had met before. With old bookcases, lots of candles, an arched window... the room has its own pleasant atmosphere.
Entertainment was in the capable hands of Donderelf: Philip and Theresia van der Zee. Philip tells compelling tales from all quarters of the world in his own fascinating manner. Theresia accompanies the stories on her ever enchanting harp. The harp was only just decorated in a unique way with beautiful and very detailed illustrations, that fit the harp perfectly. When Philip was telling a story, I was intrigued by the paintings on the harp. The music and story seemed to make them come alive. As always the public hung to Philip's lips; even when he told the great story of Balder which I heard before, I was all ears.
Before and after the stories we chatted amongst ourselves. Interesting discussions alternated with small talk while we had drinks and snacks. We enjoyed ourselves so much that we almost forgot the time. Some of us missed the last metro, but in the end everyone got home or to their car. I was home around half past one.
The past week I've been ill (migraine, period, flu), so after such a night I'm pretty exhausted and apathetic. Nevertheless I'm very glad I decided to go, 'cause I wouldn't want to have missed this!!
(pics made by IJs)

WW: Spiritual Obstacles

What do you think is the greatest obstacle of your spiritual growth, and how can you overcome it?
The greatest obstacle of my spiritual growth is... me! I know I have potential, I know I'm good at some things, but I still don't trust myself enough to have faith in my own judgments and trust on my intuition. I just don't have a lot of self-confidence; I doubt myself too much. I'm getting better in it though, but it's a work in progress...

Rome

Yesterday evening a new series started on SBS6 called ROME. It is a 12-piece co-production between HBO and the BBC about life in Rome at the time of Julius Ceasar.
SBS6 gave us the first two episodes to get into the storylines. With result: Ron and I are pretty hooked on it already, but we'll have to wait until next Sunday. The networks have spoilt us too much with daily series...

Happy New Year!

Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die

Health, love and happiness
and all the best wishes
for 2006!!!