I am listening to the songs that were played on mum's cremation. Am I torturing myself? No... I felt tears behind my eyes, but they wouldn't come. Now they are pouring and I'm crying a river...
These are the songs:
- Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton - text here
- Look for me in rainbows by Vicky Brown - text here
- Into the west by Annie Lennox - from LOTR, listen to it here (read the text)
In the church a woman mum admired sang "Ave Maria" (Gounod version) and "Panis Angelicus". A choir version of "Ave Verum" was played on CD. I also selected a few songs that mum wanted; some were also sung at dad's mess.
I also found the text I spoke in the cremation ceremony. It is directly addressed to mum. I spoke to her and didn't see all the people; it was just between mum and I. People told me it moved them to tears. Joke also made a speech. Gerard didn't, it's not his thing. He designed a beautiful thanks-card we sent people afterwards.
Mum's apartment is as good as empty. In "The Pagan Book of Living and Dying" by Starhawk I found two prayers, one for things I'm keeping and one for things that are going away. I used them (in Dutch and in my own words) when I was alone in her flat this week. I'll share them with you:
I take this in memory of you.
May something of your spirit remain
so that as I touch this (book, dress, vase)
we will touch across the veil.
this was yours once.
Now you have no more need of it.
Withdraw your energy, your spirit, your desire.
I ask your blessing on the one who receives this.
I can certainly recommend the book. I had it already; there are great things in it. It is very interesting stuff in general and very helpful when someone is crossing over.