TT #22: resolutions

Thirteen New Year's resolutions New Year's Resolutions are the curse of the modern calendar. Our calendar is not in rhythm with the natural world; we have not had a timekeeping system in sync with the cosmos and nature for centuries. Our intentions are honorable, but our timing stinks. The right timing for new beginnings is at the spring equinox: to innovate, target our goals, and just do it. From Winter Solstice on December 21st until Spring Equinox on March 19th, it's time to reflect, slow down, and hibernate... let the old disintegrate and die while the embryonic seed energy builds up for sowing new and wonderful things at the natural spring New Year. ©2003 by Joyce Mason Having said that... I can't resist to try anyway! ;-) go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself (read more here) lose weight (what's new..?) bring back regularity in my eating pattern be more involved in planning and preparing dinner exercise more frequently meditate drink less Diet Coke work on my Temple of ARA petition spend more time in nature be more active again in snail mail projects (PostcardFairies, PostCrossing, etc.) visit the pet shelter for "cuddle duty" make time to let the creative juices flow say NO more often, be assertive ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Di ~*~ Mike ~*~ Darla ~*~ busy91 ~*~ My Twenty Cents Keeps Moving ~*~ DK Raymer ~*~ candyminx ~*~ she ~*~ Norma ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Laura ~*~ Erika ~*~ SciFiChick ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Kim Priestap ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Stacy ~*~ Maggie ~*~ Tisha ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Desert Songbird ~*~ Christine ~*~ Bond ~*~ Teena ~*~ Dawn ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Mert ~*~ Gina ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ amy ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Miss you, mum...

You said when you'd die

That you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say

Please don't talk that way

With the blink of an eye

The Lord came and asked you to leave

You went to a better place

But it stole you away from me

And now she lives in heaven

But I know they let her out

To take care of me

There's a strange kind of light

Caressing me tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bringing heaven down here

I miss your love I miss your touch

But I'm feeling you every day

And I can almost hear you say

'You've come a long way baby'

And now you live in heaven

But I know they let you out

To take care of me

There's a strange kind of light

In my bedroom tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bring your heaven down here

You taught me kings and queens

While stroking my hair

In my darkest hour I know you are there

Kneeling down beside me

Whispering my prayer

Yes there's a strange kind of light

Caressing me tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bringing heaven down here

The next time that we meet

I will bow at her feet

And say wasn't life sweet

Then we'll prepare

To take heaven down there

( - R.P. Williams)

Yule on the Brookberg

Last weekend Wonder and I celebrated Yule on the Brookberg. We were there last June for Midsummer, this time for the opposite side of the wheel of the year: Midwinter. The country estate in winter is different, but beautiful nevertheless.

When we arrived nobody was there, so we couldn't park the car inside. We put it outside and crawled under de barrier. We took a long walk around the lake, the scenery is amazing. By the time we got back, others had arrived and we could pitch the tent. We were the only ones sleeping in a tent. We had brought a heater and plenty of blankets, so we wouldn't get cold at night. Wonder decorated the tent; we had our own cosy place to stay.

It was good to be there again. The place has something calming, you just don't want to rush anymore. Most of the people we already knew, some were new to us. Renée had come and to our surprise two other friends we didn't expect were there, a nice surprise. The group felt warm and close.

We cast the circle next to a willow tree near the lake, a very special place. The cattle felt attracted and came close too. The weather was cold but not freezing and it stayed dry all weekend. In the morning a thick fog was almost hiding the lake. Somewhat later I took this picture, which I have as my desktop background now.

Saturday afternoon the group built the sweat lodge and prepared everything for the fire. For the stone ceremony everyone took two big stones to put in the fire and later heat the sweat lodge. The first stone was charged with a wish/intention for yourself, the second one for a group of people that could use some extra good intentions. Without knowing it Wonder and I had chosen the same people for our second stone: a dear friend of us and her family. She is twice blessed. :-)

After something warm to drink we prepared for the sweat lodge itself. At first it was a bit chilly in the nude, but that changed very quickly. It was very hot, but I enjoyed it as much as the first time. Ben2Bears thanked Mother Earth and spoke about the meaning of Yule.
Then we each told why we were there and with what intention. I was there to go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself. It's a big issue, I've been struggling with it all my life and it won't be done at once. But I want to think of myself as important and worthy as I think of others. Pfew...
In the sweat lodge I lost track of time, but afterwards I heard we had stayed there for 45 minutes. It was a special and magical experience once more.

After the sweat lodge ritual it was time for dinner. Boy, was I hungry (and thirsty)! Everyone had made or bought something, so there was more than enough. I tasted a little bit of everything, yummy! After dinner we sat and talked amongst ourselves.

Late at night we went outside for a drum circle around the fire. Wonder and I didn't drum this time, but we enjoyed the sound of the others on a blanket near the fire. The group was called inside just when the fire was at its best, pity! Inside we did a crystal ceremony. It was wonderful, but during the meditation I dozed off and almost fell asleep. Oops! Not that strange though as it was near 2am already.

When we went to the tent, the generator was off but it was still warm inside. We were very tired so it didn't take too long to fall asleep. I haven't been cold at all and I slept great! Around 5am I had to walk to the toilet inside the building; that was cold but back in bed I was warm again quickly. The alarm went off at 9am, but we stayed in bed and slept a little longer. We were last at the breakfast table.

Some people had already gone home. Renée had left saturday night, because her hubby has the flu. Others left after breakfast. The remaining people cleared away the mess. Next we closed the circle to end our gathering. It has been a splendid weekend!

Happy Yule by Dusty

On The Dusty Millers LiveWood Site I found two wonderful (You Tube) Yule blessings. I thought I'd share them with you by giving the link. Enjoy!
While you're there check out the rest of the website and the blog of Dusty Miller the 13th. His Season's Greeting shows a beautiful and impressive tree, I love it! I've met Dusty when he was in Amsterdam in April this year. He did a walk-and-talk in the Vondelpark, which I enjoyed very much. I'd love to go to "his" wood and visit the ancient trees there.

TT #21: Yule

Thirteen facts about Yule Yule is celebrated on the 21st of december: today! Yule is a turning point in nature: the shortest day and the longest night. After Yule the days become longer again. At Yule we celebrate the return of the light. The God (the sun) is reborn. Fires and candles are lit to encourage the light to become stronger and stronger. Yule means "wheel", which refers to the Wheel of the Year: the cycle of the 8 witches' sabbaths. The wheel starts at Yule. Other names are: Midwinter, Winter Solstice, Winter Equinox, Alban Arthan, Finn’s Day, Joel. The colours of Yule are: red (fire), green (nature), white (light), gold (God, sun), silver (Goddess). The Yule tree is decorated with all natural material: fir cones, berries, straw figures, etc. In earlier times the tree was burnt as an offering to the Sun, the God. Now we put lights in the tree instead. The Yule log is a large log of freshly cut wood (oak). Originally, the Yule Log was burned in honour of the gods and to bring good luck in the coming year. To help kindle the fire, holly was placed under the log. Guests would toss a sprig of holly into the fire to burn up the troubles of the past year and to keep their houses safe from burning down in the New Year. The ashes were scattered over the land to give them fertility for a good harvest. Each year a piece of the Yule Log was saved and used to start the fire for the next year's log. Pagans today use the Yule Log in a symbolic way to do the same. Yule was a time to eat and drink all the remains of the harvest that were liable to decay. This feast was shared with the whole family. The rich often shared with the poor because there was enough for everyone. The explanation of kissing under the mistletoe extends back into Norse mythology. The Norse god Balder was the best loved of all the gods. His mother was Frigga, goddess of love and beauty. She loved her son so much that she wanted to make sure no harm would come to him. So she went through the world, securing promises from everything that sprang from the four elements (fire, water, air, and earth) that they would not harm her beloved Balder. Leave it to Loki, a sly, evil spirit, to find the loophole. The loophole was mistletoe. He made an arrow from its wood. To make the prank even nastier, he took the arrow to Hoder, Balder's brother, who was blind. Guiding Holder's hand, Loki directed the arrow at Balder's heart, and he fell dead. Frigga's tears became the mistletoe's white berries. Balder is restored to life, and Frigga is so grateful that she reverses the reputation of the offending plant, making it a symbol of love and promising to bestow a kiss upon anyone who passes under it. Yule is also a festival, not just a single holiday. The Yule season or Yuletide begins on the solstice, which is the Mother Night of Yule, and ends 12 nights later with Twelfth Night/New Years. The Horned God is represented by a stag. That's where our present reindeers come from. Drinking Wassail at Yule is an English custom from heathen times. 'Wassail' comes from the Anglo-Saxon Wes Hal, meaning "to your health". The beverage is made from ale, wine, and/or cider with fruits and spices added. Traditionally it was used in part as an offering to apple trees in thanks and for their continued fruitfulness. Bits of toast were floated in the wassail bowl, then placed in the branches of the tree, and libations poured over the roots. (This is the origin of our term "to toast" someone.) ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Amy C. ~*~ Jamie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Laura ~*~ Le laquet ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Sanni ~*~ colleenR ~*~ Mikala ~*~ ChupieandJ'smama ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ scooper ~*~ Starrlight ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ mar ~*~ Zeus ~*~ noladawn ~*~ Amy ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ busy91 ~*~ Terri ~*~ peppylady ~*~ JennIAm ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Gina ~*~ Caledonia ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Home cleansing

Ever since Ron and I have moved into our present home I have been planning to do a house cleansing. During the rebuilding I put a blessing in one of the walls downstairs, but never came to do more. It is an old house (1918) and a lot of people have lived here before us. It has been a dairy shop and later several families lived in 3 apartments.
I have noticed other energies in our home from the beginning, especially upstairs. Although Ron and I are very happy with the house and with each other, there was something about it that made me feel tired, uncomfortable. Wonder noticed it too when he stayed here. We planned to do the cleansing together. First we wanted to do it when Ron wasn't there (he doesn't like the smell of incense), but since Ron is still home from work we decided to do it yesterday evening.
We cast a circle, lit candles and burnt an incense mixture of Californian sage, Palo Santo, patchouli and sandalwood in an Abalone shell. I took a white candle to bring the light, Wonder took the shell and a feather to move the smoke around. Together we went to every room in the house to remove old energies and residue of past emotions, and to recharge with love and light. We moved on when it felt right. In the bedroom I got shivers, burps and felt sick. Wonder had a similar experience. We both felt a negative force and saw/knew what had happened in that room. Let me just tell you it wasn't very nice... It took some extra effort to get rid of it, but afterwards it felt better. Wonder smudged the room, bed and my dreamcatcher. Then we went downstairs. That felt better, probably because it is all changed and new. We opened windows, put on all the lights and let the candles burn. We closed the circle. It was a tiring experience and we both needed something to drink and eat.
It's a bit early to draw any conclusion, but the house feels a lot better. I slept remarkably well last night. Even Ron mentioned he wasn't wet of sweat when he woke up. I hope it continues to feel this way!

TT #20: holiday decorating

Thirteen christmas decorations Yes, I yielded to the temptation of decorating my home for the holidays all the same... and I'm so glad I did. It feels warm! I'll share some pics with you in this TT. Some are a bit blurry, sorry. the tree, a Nordman that doesn't loose its needles easily the crib under the tree and close (yes, Christian; it belonged to my parents) the star on the top of the tree the fairy Ron gave me last year the decoration I gave Ron last year, it says "surrounded by love" in Dutch two red hearts bound with a silver ribbon, symbolizing our love Monique gave me a card and a beautiful little angel to give me comfort when I miss mum, it's hanging in the tree Foofur and Freyja under the tree, Bastet in the empty box after decorating;Boris doesn't come near the tree on the door is a card holder, we still need to hang up some lines for the other cards the old windows on the long side of our home inside and outside the window on the front of our home the corner window shows the tree from outside the table while writing holiday cards and after, I bought cats & dogs charity cards when I was in London in September ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Darla ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Chelle ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Chickadee ~*~ Danielle ~*~ Lucienne ~*~ Scooper ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Bubba ~*~ Dragonheart ~*~ Tug ~*~ Terri ~*~ Ivy ~*~ Gina ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Stress and relief

Yesterday Ron had an appointment with his psychologist and later his boss stopped by for a visit. Both went okay but it was a busy and stressful afternoon, so Ron really needed and wanted some distraction. A friend invited us to go to the Comedy Cafe. On Tuesday nights there is Open Podium for stand-up comedians: new talents and professionals that want to try new material. I've been there before and liked it very much. Yesterday was a great night with mostly good comedians. We enjoyed ourselves and Ron was very relaxed.
We were home around 1am. I was very tired, but felt okay. Before I went to bed I had to go to the toilet. When I was leaving the bathroom I got a black-out and fell on the ground. Ron and Wonder put me into bed. I was away for 15 minutes. When I "woke up" I was even more tired and cold, but Ron was warm and I fell asleep very quickly.
This morning I had to go back to the internist. My blood pressure was 160/100, lower than before but that could be because of my black-out. I can drink all tea flavours again, as long as I keep an eye on the ingredients. I'll have to take a medicine to lower the blood pressure. My thyroid values are fluctuating slightly, I have low ferro values and the sarcoidosis is decreasing. Next appointment at the end of March.

Midwinterfair

Yesterday I went to the Midwinterfair, a fantasy/medieval/pagan event in themepark Archeon, with Wonder and his girlfriend. It's a big inside and outside market with shops (stalls), folk concerts, storytellers, workshops, demonstrations, readings, gametournaments, LARP-groups (Live Action Role Playing), etc. in a great setting. The weather had been bad until Friday, but we were lucky; it was not too cold, mostly dry and sometimes even sunny.
We met a lot of friends and acquaintances. I was surprised and happy to see our friend Renée, who had her own booth selling stuff (soap, incense, runes, etc) and promoting Vrouw Holda. Among other things she gives workshops and courses. Wonder and I both picked a rune while asking a question. Her explanation was right to the point and helpful. She made a picture of the three of us. We'll see her again at Yule.
All in all we had a great time. The fair was open until 8pm (we were there at 1pm), so we had time enough to explore. Still we haven't seen everything, but that's okay. Before we left we made some pictures in the brewery in the convent. I posed with a monk. :-)

TT #19: divination

Thirteen methods of divination Divination is the art or practise of foretelling the future (or past) and/or communicating with the supernatural when seeking guidance using different methods. Tarot, the most well-known tool of divination. Often used is the Rider Waite Deck, but there are numerous decks available. I use the Druidcraft Tarot. Runes, an ancient Germanic alphabet often put on stones, pieces of wood, etc. You can buy a set ( I have one), but I want to make my own set. The I Ching, or Book of Changes, is the world's oldest book (approx. 4000 years old) and earliest known intuitive decision-making system, based on the binary logic of yin/yang. Scrying is a method of divination by gazing into the shiny or reflective surface of an object. A crystal ball is the most well-known scrying tool (on this picture you can see mine), but you can also use a black mirror, water, oil, etc. Witch stones, a set of eight natural gemstones painted by hand with symbols of magical tools to throw on a pentagram casting chart. You can buy a set, but I made my set in a workshop years ago. Graphology: handwriting analysis A Pendulum is often used for answers that require a simple yes, no or undetermined answer, but it can also be used with a chart. You can make your own pendulum or buy one. This is mine, made of black tourmaline. Tasseomancy: reading tea leaves, or coffee grinds, or wine sediments. Palmistry or hand analysis Bibliomancy: divination using a book. The book will be opened at a random page and while keeping your eyes closed you will point at a line or passage in the book. Psychometry: the ability to "read" the history of certain objects and/or their owner by holding the object Ouija Board, I mention it because it is known by a lot of people, but I can only give one advice: DON'T! It can be dangerous, especially with unexperienced people who don't know what they are dealing with. In fact almost everything can be used for divination. This list is just the top of the iceberg. If you're interested to read more, just put "divination" in Google and you'll have plenty to explore! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ mar ~*~ Darla ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ Carmen ~*~ scooper ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Terri ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Nancy ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Wicked Witch ~*~ Sophisticated Writer ~*~ Christine ~*~ Mitch ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Lungfunction OK

Today I had to do the lungfunction test and see the lung specialist. I was very nervous and restless. It reminded me of mum, who hated these tests. I've been there with her a zillion times, but never had to do it myself. In a way I think there was some kind of hidden fear also: dad died of cancer that started in the lungs, mum had lungproblems all her life and there are several more relatives with it. I know they all are/were smokers and I never smoked, but still...
I had an appointment at 10.30am, but had to wait for almost an hour! The test itself wasn't that bad, but let's say I understand why mum hated it. I did it wrong a few times, so I had to start over. I got very light-headed and dizzy. After the tests the nurse gave me Ventolin, I had to wait again and then do the tests all over. That didn't make it better, with Ventolin I did worse!
Finally the lungspecialist called me in. He listened to my lungs, looked at my lung scan and went over the test results. Outcome: my lungfunction is good, everything's okay! Pfew....

Bleh...

Doesn't the title say it all..? Beware, I'm not in a happy mood...
I've always loved (the time before) Yuletide. Normally my season's greetings would be ready to be send, the ornaments would be unpacked and waiting for the tree. This year I just can't seem to find the spirit. I don't want a tree, I don't want to decorate. I just want to go to sleep and wake up next year. I miss mum, I miss dad. Yes I know, I'll miss them next year too, but this time of year it's just worse. I feel blue, down, hurt.
Has someone seen the Christmas spirit? Please send it over to save me from this feeling...

23.45u I know it's not all this dark. There are things that I do look forward to. I'll just have to make the best of this time. It's okay to feel sad, as long as I stick to that basic positive feeling deep down inside me. Sometimes it's easy to find, sometimes it's a bit harder, but I know it's there!