Saturday, July 19, 2008

Switching antidepressants

I don't feel very well at the moment, or rather: I feel miserable and depressed. For some time my psychiatrist and I have been talking about switching antidepressants. I have been using fluoxetine for a long time with variable results. The last time it worked very well, but lately it decreased. I tried to phase out a few times, but that wasn't a success to put it mildly.
Before our vacation in Belgium I discussed it again with my psychiatrist and we decided to make the switch after the vacation. I phased out the fluoxetine and I am now building up the new one. Of course I have to start at a low dose. I knew it wouldn't be a pleasant period of time, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to be this tough...
I'm depressed all the time, nervous, restless, indifferent, even more tired and so on... I sleep long and deep, or I'm awake all night. My bad eating habits are back and I can't control it anymore. I hate myself, I hate my body. It's dark around me. I've fallen deep and it feels as if it will never end...
I'm a pain in the ass for the people around me. This week I hurt my best friend by attacking him in his soft spot, talking absolute nonsense. How can I do that? I don't recognise myself anymore. I'm so sorry... Ron does his best to help me every step of the way, but it is hard on him and I feel horrible and guilty about it. I don't want to be this burden I am at the moment, I love him so much..!
I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel now, but I know deep down it's there. I want to have faith, I will survive this!

God and Goddess
please grant me

The power of water
to accept the things I cannot change
with ease and grace

The power of fire
to change the things I can
with courage and energy

The power of air
to know the difference
through intuition and wisdom

And the power of earth
to handle the situation
with love and respect


  1. I don't know that prayer but I like it very much. Thanks for sharing it.

  2. I like what you did with the serenity prayer! I know exactly how you feel. I've had times when I've gone off of my antidepressants, and it was horrible. I ran out of meds, and was having trouble with my doctor getting a new perscription. I was crying all the time, sick to my stomache... not fun. I felt so bad for my boyfriend and my two sons. They did their best to leave me alone, but I was a biatch!

    It will get better. The new meds will kick in and the dark cloud will disipate. The serenity prayer will help... This too shall pass!

    **big hugs**

  3. Peace and healing to you..

  4. The darkness sucks. Hang on though, the light will come. I'm thinking about you. ;)

  5. Blessed be. I hope you are taken care of during this difficult time. I've gone off antidepressants too and it isn't easy at all. Just spend time with people who know what you're going through who are mature enough to know it's because of the process you're going through. It is so hard though I know.

  6. It is difficult when your body develops a tolerance and/or resistance to your antidepressant, I had that happen early on, but am currently on 2 that work for me.
    Just remember we can apologize for the words we say and as long as we say the apology with heart and soul within it, usually it is accepted, friends and loved ones who know what we suffer tend to understand. Hang in there and just remember to find a way to relax and release until decisions are made. Hugs from a pal who understands on the other side of the ocean.

  7. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I have not had any personal experience with this but I do have a dear friend and when she has to adjust her medication she is not too kind to other - but, we all understand and just love her and give her time to adjust. We all know the truly sweet person she really is as I am sure your husband and close friends know about you. Just accept their help, they love you.yqgbc

  8. Chin up Tink! You're on the right track with working towards resolution.

    I LOVE this version of the serenity prayer - where did you get it?


  9. Thank you all for your heartwarming comments!
    I found this version of the serenity prayer on the internet, author unknown; I loved it and saved it.

  10. Anonymous22/7/08 14:56

    Just a heartfelt hug to you and yours...

  11. That is a very nice version of the Serenity prayer. I will keep you in my thoughts and blessings.

  12. The important thing to remember is that you will get past it. Don't give up and keep cuddling those cats!

    I get a bit down too sometimes - times where I have insomnia/exhaustion and I feel I can't leave the house.

    I find exercise and work help. Since I bought a treadmill and am doing the hamster thing every day my sleep's improved. Maybe try it???

    We're purring for you...

  13. Ik zou je zo terug uitnodigen voor het prikbord, maar op dit moment hebben we technische problemen, dus da's niet zo handig. Maar je weet ons te vinden, toch? Misschien wel fijn om met lotgenoten te praten.



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Love, Tink