Yule on the Brookberg

The idea to take the train to Nijmegen was good, but the carrying out was quite another story... Ron drove me to Haarlem Station. I took the train to Amsterdam Central. There I would take a direct connection to Nijmegen. No such luck... There were troubles with the trails around Utrecht, so I had to make a big detour and switched trains no less than 5 times with long waits in between. Instead of an hour and a half it took me almost 4 hours to travel from Amsterdam to Nijmegen. To save me another switch Wonder picked me up at Arnhem Station. We were very late to arrive at the Brookberg. What a start!
The weather was still cold and sunny. Everything looked beautiful. The lake was frozen for a large part, the trees were white frosted, it was amazing. I took picture after picture. You can see them all here.
The sweatlodge was ready, the fire was burning. We did four rounds without leaving the lodge in between (the cold outside would cool us off too fast). It started mild, but in the end it was pretty hot. I could take it though. The Yule sweatlodge is very special with protection by Grandmother Bear. I asked to be able to let go of something very difficult for me: my body image. I would like to accept my body as it is, even now or maybe especially now...
After we had dinner there was a small fire ceremony. Those who wanted to trust something to the fire could do so. Wonder, I and 2 others drummed during the ceremony. Back inside Ben lead a chrystal ceremony. It was wonderful, but I had to try very hard to concentrate, because I was very tired! Afterwards we went to the tent with two mattresses, because our inflatable bed leaked. I slept like a log nevertheless. We had plenty of blankets, so it wasn't cold.
In the morning it was time to put down the tent. a lot of people had already left. We did the closing circle inside with 9 people. It became a very interesting discussion about how we had been this weekend. I told about my body problem and got some advice. I also received a very nice compliment that touched me. One of the women compared how she saw me in the sweatlodge to a statue of Gaia she has at home, the goddess of the earth. Someone else said I made her think about the Venus of Willendorf . I just wish I could see my body as that of a goddess...

Samhain on the Brookberg

This weekend Wonder and I celebrated Samhain with the Children of the Circle on the Brookberg. We both needed it! Wonder is going through a rough time and I had to unload some major stress.
The lake always looks beautiful, but the colours of autumn were splendid. Bullocks were grazing. The surroundings always do me good, the peace and quiet calms me down. We put up the tent with the opening towards the lake.
The first round in the sweatlodge was hard on me. I couldn't surrender myself to the heat, but fighting it only makes it harder. I was thinking about quitting, but Wonder convinced me to do the other two rounds also and I'm glad he did. They went a lot better.
After dinner we wrote down things we want to let go and things we'd like to have (not material). We burned them in a big fire to let the fire transform the things we wanted to let go into positive energy to feed our wishes. Afterwards we went inside to complete the ritual. It was very very late when we finally went to bed.
The next morning after only a few hours of sleep (yawn!) we had breakfast together. We tidied up the space and put down the tent. I walked to the lake for the last time this weekend to say goodbye. I filled my bottle with water from the lake. I don't know why, i just had to. I guess I'll need it some time!

Brookberg Mabon

Last weekend Wonder and I celebrated Mabon on the Brookberg. With Lammas (August) there was no celebration with the Children of the Circle, so it was a long time ago. We arrived early, but there were already others. The weather was very good and it stayed all weekend: warm, dry and sunny. The lake looked gorgeous as always. The view from the tent was magnificent.

In the stone ceremony preparing for the sweatlodge we each dedicated two stones: one for healing for ourselves and one for someone else (max. 2). I felt that this session would be very intense, and I wasn't wrong... We did three rounds in the sweatlodge. The first round as usual, the last two with our drums inside. The second round I drummed myself, the third round I let the women next to me use my drum. It was very special, different from before. It was heavier, but a unique opportunity to really let go of things. I was ready for it and stayed until the end. My old guide Carmen was there, dressed in lilac, and the black panther, my power animal. I was floating over the crystal plain. The message I got was: don't try too hard to see specific things, you can see and do all you want, the world is opening up for you. With the sweat I let go of a lot of old stuff, I felt reborn. After I left the sweatlodge I took a quick dip in the lake; cold, but I needed it.

Afterwards I had a huge appetite and thirst. Dinner time! Wonder had made a delicious dish (Ren dang?). I had brought fresh juices from my power juicer: kiwi, red apples, green apples, white grapes, orange and a mixed juice. After dinner Wonder took a nap and I was talking inside with some others. Bart has brought beautiful crystals. My eye fell on a big green piece of malachite. It fitted exactly in the palm of my hand and I held it close to my heart. I smiled, the piece gave me a happy feeling. It felt so wonderful; others noticed it too. Bart said I could have it and I couldn't believe it. I hesitated, but couldn't say no. I'm so grateful! I want to give something back, but I don't know what yet.

Later that evening we joined around the fire again for a drum circle. We followed one steady rhythm. I got in some kind of trance. Sometimes I just forgot to drum, startled and drummed on. A strange but wonderful experience.
I was very very tired so I went to sleep right after the drum circle ended. I slept good, deep.

The next morning a lot of people had to leave early, so we closed the circle with the 10 people left. This weekend has brought me a lot and I feel it will go on, it's only just begun...

Some pics I made: a feather in the wet grass, geese near the lake, trees in the distance, mushrooms, the sun through the trees, Spike in the lake, the sweatlodge, the rapeseed field (compare the field with Litha) and lots more!

Tall & short

I just had to share this picture of Ron and Francis, made when they said goodbye after the Litha celebration on the Brookberg. Ron is 2.04m (6'8" I think), I don't know Francis' length. They got along great, and they also look great together!

Brookberg Litha

This weekend I celebrated Litha with the Children of the Circle on the Brookberg. It was very special, because Ron was coming too. We had invited Gaialynn to join us and Wonder took Amarinde (he and I met her at Litha last year on the Brookberg). We left very early with two jam-packed cars, so we arrived in time to pitch the tents. Ron and I had brought our tent, Wonder his own. Strange to sleep there in another tent! At night and half asleep I almost walked into the wrong tent after a visit to the toilet... ;-)

One by one everyone arrived while we were pitching the tents and unpacking the cars. Mostly well-known faces for Wonder and me; it was great to introduce Ron to them. After all you don't know me completely if you don't know Ron!

Unfortunately I got a blackout and fell down outside. It has been months since I had one. One of the newcomers, Monique, sat beside me and gave me a healing; that felt good. When I came round after a while, I was tired and had a headache as usual. It didn't last very long though. Ben2Bears said it was a blackout on a psychic level, not physical. In the sweatlodge I was able to let go some of the blockade and old remains.

We did the opening circle in a beautiful yellow rapeseed field next to the driveway. B2B explained the meaning of Litha and welcomed everyone. We were blessed with special oil and did an introductory round. The weather was wet and dry, sunny and cloudy in turns. The forecast for the weekend was very bad, but turned out much better than expected. It's a kind of magic...

The group split up into smaller groups for the workshops and sweatlodge. Most workshops seem to be very interesting, but I always choose the sweatlodge. I stood inside when the blankets were put on the lodge to cover it up. Quite the experience (if you're not claustrophobic) to see it get darker until you can't see a thing!
We each blessed two stones, one for ourselves and one for someone else. My first stone had a lot of cracks, so my wish was that my unnecessary resistance in life would crumble away with the breaking of the stone. With the second one I wished healing for Ron, who was standing right beside me. All the stones were piled up, we put wood around them and the fire was lit. We drummed around the fire. I was a bit nervous to use my drum, afraid to do something wrong. Ron is a great drummer, so I let him play it too.
The sweatlodge was very, very, very hot this time, one round with 24 hot stones from the fire. Not everyone could persevere until the end. Ron and Gaialynn left earlier too; Ron didn't have enough space to sit properly, so he couldn't relax enough. Pity! It was tough, but I made it until the end. I could only concentrate on surrendering to the heat and got in a trance. I put my hand on Wonder's back and was allowed to give him a healing. I also saw some of the images he later described. Outside the sweatlodge I had to acclimatize for a while, before I plunged into the lake. Wonder and I swam to the (artificial) swan in the middle of the lake and back. Ashore Ron was waiting with a big towel. It was an unusual sweatlodge session, but special as always.

It had gotten late, so we were quite hungry. Everyone had brought something; Ron and I three different quiches, Gaialynn a huge watermelon and Wonder had made a delicious rice dish. Unfortunately it took a lot of time to get it hot enough to eat, so there was a lot left over. After dinner we just sat and chatted with the others. I really feel at home on that place with that loving group of people, almost like a family. I have tried to explain that to Ron before, but now he was able to experience it for himself. He felt very welcome too.

Later in the evening we gathered around the remains of the fire. It was fanned until the flames burned highly again. Ron and Gaialynn were very tired and decided to skip the drum circle. It took me a while, but I finally got the vibe and played my drum without being nervous. Because Wonder is left-handed and I'm right-handed, the backsides of our drums were facing each other. It was as if they reacted to that and started to "sing" together, a magical moment! We call them brothers now, belonging together. I'm looking forward to the drum circle after the handfasting ceremony in two weeks already!

It was around 2.30am when we finally went to our tents to sleep. I sat outside for a while to enjoy the night. It's such a lovely place with a beautiful charisma, relaxing and soothing. I slept good, although I had to go to the toilet very early. When I went back I stood outside again to absorb the beauty of the early morning.

Ron was up early too; he wanted coffee and a hand-rolled cigarette! The breakfast was very pleasant. We even had caviar! No champagne, but I wouldn't have taken that anyway. :-) There were all kinds of bread and fillings, fruit, etc. Yummy!
After breakfast Francis played Phoenix (his electric guitar). He had warned us not to expect too much, but that was nonsense: he is fabulous! I was impressed and enjoyed it very much. Wonder has recorded some of it on his mobile phone. The music is enchanting, I'd love to have a real CD of it!
Meanwhile Sylvia showed us her selfmade oracle deck. She made the cards with encaustic art. She's trying to get the deck published. I really hope (think) she'll succeed, I will most certainly buy one of the first! Everyone that saw them agreed.

Then it was time to take down the tent, do the closing circle and say our goodbyes...
Another unique, heartwarming and special celebration on the Brookberg...

Brookberg Ostara

This weekend Wonder and I celebrated Ostara on the Brookberg with the Children of the Circle. It's always a beautiful place to be, but at this time it's looking wonderful with the green coming back and sheep with lambs around the lake. The view from the tent was very nice. The lambs were so cute! I have taken dozens of pics of them. We casted the circle among them in the fields. Later, when I was alone, they allowed me to come very close. I really enjoyed myself!

Ostara is the sabbath of growth. To grow you need room, so you have to let go of things you don't need anymore. Letting go is never easy though. It's a theme that keeps coming back for me. Last week (and before) I had accumulated a lot from others without letting go of the negative, heavy energy. I didn't feel well when I arrived on the Brookberg: headache, tired, gloomy. When I left I felt happy and charged with positive energy!

In the weekend of the Imbolc celebration the group built a brand new sweatlodge, but the weather prevented us from using it for the first time. Almost everyone was present again this time and the weather had decided to cooperate too. It was dry and at times sunny.
In the stone ceremony we each contributed 2 stones, one for ourselves and one for someone or something else. With the stone for myself I asked to be able to get rid of the bad energy and be able to let things go. My other stone was dedicated to the protection of a very little baby that I want the best for. All the stones were heated in a big fire built around them.
The stones were used to heat the sweatlodge. It was hot (literally), warm (metaphorically) and good, but also quite heavy. I could release a lot of rubbish. Afterwards some people took a dip in the lake. I wanted to, but got cramps when I walked into the icecold water.

After dinner we had a bit of free time. At 11pm the drumcircle ceremony started. I was invited to join in on the big healing drum. Around us sat the others with drums and other rhythm instruments. We did two sessions: a jam session (in which our drum beated time) and a session with one rhythm all together. It was very powerful and moving. We thanked Mother Earth by playing her rhythm. I was in some kind of trance, felt very good. A great experience!

It was after 1am when we went to bed. The start of the summer time also took an hour of the night, so we didn't have a lot of rest. I slept very well though, as always when I'm on the Brookberg. After breakfast Wonder and I took down the tent and packed his car. I made some more pictures. Then it was time to close the circle, say goodbye, give everyone a big hug and eventually leave...

Imbolc on the Brookberg

Saturday morning very early Wonder and I left for Limburg to celebrate Imbolc on the Brookberg with the Children of the Circle. Normally people gather there around noon, but this time we had to be present around 9.30am. To pull down the old sweatlodge and build the new one we needed the extra time. Wonder and I were somewhat earlier so we had time to pitch the tent. As always it was a wonderful group of people. We were with 10 people. Most of them we already knew from former celebrations, the others fitted in perfectly. It was a small group, but that felt okay, just right.

The weather wasn't cooperating very well. It wasn't cold, but the rain kept falling. When it got a bit more dry, we started to tear down the old sweatlodge. With knives and axes we severed the ropes, broke the branches in two and piled them up around the fire place. Then eight of us started to build the new sweatlodge. The old one was made of willow branches, the new one of young birch. Birch stands for cleansing and new beginnings. We bent down the vertical branches over our back to curve them and tied them together. Other branches made a horizontal spiral from top to bottom. The new sweatlodge was ready. After that we placed the stakes for the fence. Then the rain came back and we had to stop.

Because the rain only got worse we confered and decided to do no sweat lodge ritual. It would take too long before the stones would be hot enough for it. At first that was a disappointment, but the alternative programme turned out to be great too. After a light dinner we gathered outside to burn the remains of the old sweatlodge in a big campfire. We did a circle in which everyone let something go. Because of the wonderful experience I had on the Witchy Girls Night I decided to let go of the grief and pain of mum's and dad's death. It won't be away in a moment, but saying it out loud and giving it to the fire starts a process. They'll always be with me; moving on doesn't mean I'll forget or neglect them. It was a very moving ritual for everyone, but we were there for each other.

Back inside the big room was prepared for a special journey. Eight mattresses were put down with candles and crystals in the middle. Benjamin Two Bears drummed while Juniper guided us in a journey. Somewhere in the process I lost her story and went further on my own. I just wanted to relax very deeply and enjoy the drumming. In the beginning I saw fragments like pictures as if I was glancing through a photo album. Later on I just remember the peace and quiet I felt. When we were brought back to the room I felt wonderful. We just lied there for a while and talked. After we had something to eat and drink one after another went to bed.

Outside it kept pouring, but in the tent it was dry and warm. I only woke up once, but enjoyed a good night's rest. We woke up when the aggregate was turned on. I wanted to call Ron again, so I was the last one to arrive at the breakfast. We had bacon and eggs, yummy! After breakfast Wonder and I took down the tent in the pouring rain. When we were ready, the rain stopped!

Because the sky was clearing up, we decided to finish making the fence around the sweatlodge. With combined efforts that didn't take too long. Then we closed down and said our goodbyes. It was a great weekend once again!

Yule on the Brookberg

Last weekend Wonder and I celebrated Yule on the Brookberg. We were there last June for Midsummer, this time for the opposite side of the wheel of the year: Midwinter. The country estate in winter is different, but beautiful nevertheless.

When we arrived nobody was there, so we couldn't park the car inside. We put it outside and crawled under de barrier. We took a long walk around the lake, the scenery is amazing. By the time we got back, others had arrived and we could pitch the tent. We were the only ones sleeping in a tent. We had brought a heater and plenty of blankets, so we wouldn't get cold at night. Wonder decorated the tent; we had our own cosy place to stay.

It was good to be there again. The place has something calming, you just don't want to rush anymore. Most of the people we already knew, some were new to us. Renée had come and to our surprise two other friends we didn't expect were there, a nice surprise. The group felt warm and close.

We cast the circle next to a willow tree near the lake, a very special place. The cattle felt attracted and came close too. The weather was cold but not freezing and it stayed dry all weekend. In the morning a thick fog was almost hiding the lake. Somewhat later I took this picture, which I have as my desktop background now.

Saturday afternoon the group built the sweat lodge and prepared everything for the fire. For the stone ceremony everyone took two big stones to put in the fire and later heat the sweat lodge. The first stone was charged with a wish/intention for yourself, the second one for a group of people that could use some extra good intentions. Without knowing it Wonder and I had chosen the same people for our second stone: a dear friend of us and her family. She is twice blessed. :-)

After something warm to drink we prepared for the sweat lodge itself. At first it was a bit chilly in the nude, but that changed very quickly. It was very hot, but I enjoyed it as much as the first time. Ben2Bears thanked Mother Earth and spoke about the meaning of Yule.
Then we each told why we were there and with what intention. I was there to go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself. It's a big issue, I've been struggling with it all my life and it won't be done at once. But I want to think of myself as important and worthy as I think of others. Pfew...
In the sweat lodge I lost track of time, but afterwards I heard we had stayed there for 45 minutes. It was a special and magical experience once more.

After the sweat lodge ritual it was time for dinner. Boy, was I hungry (and thirsty)! Everyone had made or bought something, so there was more than enough. I tasted a little bit of everything, yummy! After dinner we sat and talked amongst ourselves.

Late at night we went outside for a drum circle around the fire. Wonder and I didn't drum this time, but we enjoyed the sound of the others on a blanket near the fire. The group was called inside just when the fire was at its best, pity! Inside we did a crystal ceremony. It was wonderful, but during the meditation I dozed off and almost fell asleep. Oops! Not that strange though as it was near 2am already.

When we went to the tent, the generator was off but it was still warm inside. We were very tired so it didn't take too long to fall asleep. I haven't been cold at all and I slept great! Around 5am I had to walk to the toilet inside the building; that was cold but back in bed I was warm again quickly. The alarm went off at 9am, but we stayed in bed and slept a little longer. We were last at the breakfast table.

Some people had already gone home. Renée had left saturday night, because her hubby has the flu. Others left after breakfast. The remaining people cleared away the mess. Next we closed the circle to end our gathering. It has been a splendid weekend!

Litha

Last weekend Wonder and I drove to country estate "De Brookberg" in Neer (Limburg) to celebrate Litha with the Children of the Circle. We signed up for it some time ago. I had been doubting whether I should go or not, but decided to give it a go. In the introduction circle I told about my mum and I got sympathy and support right away. It was a wonderful group of people. Most of them I didn't know, but I felt at ease from the first moment.

Wonder had bought a new tent. There's a lot of room inside and you can stand upright in it. Wonder decorated it with a little altar, his drum, blankets and a box with candles. The view from the front was magnificent. The lake is beautiful and so is the landscape around it.

After the introduction the group split in two: workshop healing drawing and the sweat lodge. Wonder and I opted for the sweat lodge. He had done it before, for me it was the first time. The group itself built the sweat lodge. The framework was covered with blankets and canvas to keep the warmth in and the light out. We piled up big stones. With each stone we named a wish of transformation; I asked guilt to be transformed in freedom to be myself. The next stones we piled with a wish for someone else; I wished Ron could share in the energy and warmth I was receiving this weekend. Around the stones a big fire was built to heat them. While they were getting hot we took a dive in the lake, skinny-dipping. It was cold at first. The lake seemed to give me energy: I swam a fairly large round! Then it was time to enter the sweat lodge. It was dark and very hot. The sweat kept pouring of me, but I felt okay. We meditated and thanked the Great Mother. We did two rounds and in between and after we went into the lake to cool off. It was a very special experience, that I won't forget lightly...

In the evening we had dinner; everybody had brought something. We had self-made bread, white and whole meal. I took some soup and bread. After dinner I went for a walk along the lake on my own. There were sheep and water birds. I sat down and stroke a lamb, sooo cute! I took a picture of the sun behind a tree; I now have it as my desktop background. When I got back we walked to another place on the bank of the lake to have a drum circle. Wonder couldn't use his own drum; it had been too close to the fire and the skin had gotten out of the band. Therefore we took place behind the big round drum together. Wonder started to drum, but I didn't have the guts. Later Benjamin2Bears convinced me to try so I did, very gently. Wonder was in some kind of trance and was beating in a catching rhythm. I took it over and we drummed together. It was great!! At some moment I was overcome by the rhythm and started crying. One of the men encouraged me and put his arm around me to comfort me. It felt good to let it out. Afterwards we walked back and decided to go to bed.

After a good night I woke up around 7am. I went to the bathroom and then took a walk. In front of the tent I enjoyed the beautiful view. It was still early so I went back to sleep for a while. I missed breakfast, but wanted to swim in the lake one more time. I was all alone and it felt very magical. After everyone finished packing their stuff we stood in the circle to close it. I thanked everyone for their contribution to this weekend and told them I was very glad I had come. I've met wonderful people and the group feeling was very special. It was a pity to leave these splendid surroundings, but I was also very glad to come home with Ron again.

To see all of our pictures look here.