Another dream about mum

Tonight I had another dream about my mum. I was walking in the Hema (a Dutch department store mum and I often visited) with Ron, when someone came in with... my mother. I fainted at the spot.
The next moment Ron was explaining to me that he had talked to the woman and that she wasn't my mother. I looked at her and couldn't believe him; she was her spitting image! I knew Ron would never lie to me about something like this though. A feeling of pain and grief came over me and then I woke up.
I know I'm still coping with mum's death, coming to terms with it at daytime and most certainly in my dreams...

Active... who? me?

Yesterday I didn't feel that good, physically and emotionally. I couldn't say exactly why, just had an indefinable feeling. I needed my dreams to tell me the reason...
In my dream tonight I was indefatigable, had lots and lots of energy. I did all the things listed in my activities TT yesterday and I felt so happy! Then I awoke and felt the fatigue... What a disappointment! I cried and knew in an instant what was wrong yesterday.
During the day I read TT's, the comments on mine, added the links to my post. Each time I was confronted with the activities I love, but most of them aren't within my reach anymore. I just don't have the energy. Yes, I'm doing what I can, even more sometimes but that's a choice. It's just... the bother, the pain and effort to do things has replaced the ease and happiness I formerly felt. The sadness I feel about that took me by surprise. I still want so much! I refuse to accept this fatigue will never go away, although that's what I'm told. I can't give up hope, I don't want to! I won't, but sometimes I just have to cry...
REM is singing to me right now, can't be coincidence: "Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on..."

Dreams

Last night I had a few interesting dreams.

I've often dreamed about highschool (VWO, 6 years). I've had a wonderful time at school, except for the last year. My fear of failure got worse with all the exams and my black-outs started after a concussion I got in the swimming pool. The dreams are always about this last year: I have an exam and don't remember anything about the subject; it is the first day of that last year and I don't have books or I am too late, etc. You get the picture. Tonight I dreamed I was late for the first day again. I didn't have books, couldn't find my school supplies, didn't know my schedule, etc. I felt very anxious to put it mildly. Suddenly I calmed down and started thinking: 'what is this? why am I doing this? feeling this? I already have my VWO diploma! I've had this before and it is nonsens. Stop it!' And then my dream ended...
I hope this is my last dream about this subject. If it isn't, I hope I can redo what I did in the dream last night!

I often dream about my parents: sometimes in the present with a message, sometimes about the present and they are still alive, but mostly about times when they were still alive. Last night I dreamed I was in my parental home, the one where I've lived for years. I was downstairs, not sure what I was doing, I was the age I am now. I was waiting for mum and dad to come down or come home, something like that. Suddenly I got thinking: 'is this real? it feels strange!' and then I realized: 'they won't show up! is mum dead? or dad? or... both? oh no, they are both dead!' The world around me faded away and I felt sooo sad... Then I woke up crying.
I love dreams about my parents, but not this one! I don't know what to think of it.