Friday, August 31, 2007

Active... who? me?

Yesterday I didn't feel that good, physically and emotionally. I couldn't say exactly why, just had an indefinable feeling. I needed my dreams to tell me the reason...
In my dream tonight I was indefatigable, had lots and lots of energy. I did all the things listed in my activities TT yesterday and I felt so happy! Then I awoke and felt the fatigue... What a disappointment! I cried and knew in an instant what was wrong yesterday.
During the day I read TT's, the comments on mine, added the links to my post. Each time I was confronted with the activities I love, but most of them aren't within my reach anymore. I just don't have the energy. Yes, I'm doing what I can, even more sometimes but that's a choice. It's just... the bother, the pain and effort to do things has replaced the ease and happiness I formerly felt. The sadness I feel about that took me by surprise. I still want so much! I refuse to accept this fatigue will never go away, although that's what I'm told. I can't give up hope, I don't want to! I won't, but sometimes I just have to cry...
REM is singing to me right now, can't be coincidence: "Well, everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes. And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on..."


  1. {{{{{{Tink}}}}}}
    Iedereen heeft van die momenten, en dat is helemaal niet erg. Ja, je lichaam kan niet zo veel aan als je zou willen – en nee, misschien lukken al die sporten niet meer...maar vergeet niet wat je allemaal nog wél kan. De leuke dingen die je allemaal onderneemt...ik weet dat je naderhand dan helemaal uitgeput bent, maar ik weet ook dat je daardoor overal veel meer van geniet. Het is zwaar wanneer je lichaam niet wil doen wat je geestelijk allemaal zou willen; als je lichaam niet mee lijkt te werken. Maar tegelijkertijd ben ik ervan overtuigd dat de geest ons sterkste goed is, en zolang je positief blijft denken, en je ook je lichaam rust gunt na enerverende activiteiten, dat je dan kan blijven doen waar je zo van geniet.

    Dikke knuffel, enneh, gewoon lekker huilen af en toe - dat is goed voor de mens :)

  2. I am sad that you feel bad. Here is a virtual {{{hug}}} from me.

  3. Purrs as well. Fatigue does go away. It seems to take forever though--but it does go away.

    Headbutts and purrs and we hope you feel better.

  4. I'm no ones doctor or faith healer or anything else. But I have been diagnosed with CFS and I know what it's like to want to do things and have them seem beyond you.

    I do think that much of it can be overcome with a slow build of movement and nutritional choices. Not all, but enough to feel like yourself again. Mabye I'm wrong, maybe it's been more mind over matter with me and the insomnia is the proof the CFS is still in full swing. But I know I feel better than I did for a very long time. So I know, wherever it comes from, there's always reason for hope.


  5. Grote knuffel van mij ook! Ik snap de frustratie. Bij mij komt het niet door extreme moeheid, maar doordat ik telkens weer blessures oploop die tegenwoordig (leeftijd he) eeuwig aanslepen. Errug vervelend. Ik stuur je wat zon uit Oz om je te warmen.

  6. Oh that's terrible when your body feels tired and your mind wants to go another way. You are not alone, it happens to me too, especially in the past the last two years were much better. But there is a good remedy, look at your little Maia when she is playing that puts you in a better mood right away. At least with me it works now with Rosie.

  7. I know thw feeling - hopefully it will come back to you...


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