Misja

This Wednesday I got a very sad message. Last Monday my cousin Misja died, only 35 years old. I knew he was ill, but still his death came as a surprise. Fortunately my brother called me before I got the card, otherwise the news would have been a big shock. I didn't have much contact with Misja, but I regularly heard about him from my mother. She would have been very upset to hear this too. Such a young man...

Thursday evening we all went to the funeral parlour to offer our condolences. That was the first time since mum died and I didn't look forward to it. I was glad to see he wasn't in the same room as mum. In the coffin was a man I didn't recognize as Misja, he looked old and very skinny. I know that's how he looked recently, but I'd rather remember him as the cousin I knew. The family had put a picture there of him in old times. In the next room I started to tremble and suddenly the memories from mum hit me and it became too much. I started to cry and sat down. I felt a bit awkward, but I guess the people there must have understood.

The cremation ceremony took place on Friday morning. Ron had to work, so I asked Joke and Leo to pick me up. I didn't want to drive myself. The ceremony was beautiful. Misja's girlfriend and his youngest sister have spoken. Of course I thought of mum a lot but I could take it, at least until my uncle walked past the coffin and broke down. He lost his wife on a very young age and now this... It was too much. No parent should have to bury his child. Heartbreaking. I cried on the way back across the cemetery.

I was very glad to be home afterwards, but it was okay. I wouldn't have wanted to stay away. I had to go through this at one point anyway and next time it will be a bit less hard. Although of course it will never be easy...

TT #5: Freyja

Thirteen things about Freyja (see previous post) Freyja is named after the Norse goddess of love and fertility who was famous for her great beauty. The cat was sacred to her, she drove in a chariot drawn by cats. Her name means “Lady”. She was born on July 4th. That's an educated guess. Her fur has several colours: white, creme, salmon pink and various shades of grey. She was left behind in a cardboard box. Luckily she was found in time and brought to the pet shelter. The vet, pet shelter and I all think she is a full breed Balinese, but we can't be sure. She has a kink in her tail. This probably happened when she was still in the womb. It doesn’t cause her any pain or inconvenience. She eats Royal Canin Babycat (until she is 4 months old, then she'll switch over to Royal Canin Kitten). She has blue eyes and it looks like they are going to stay thay way. She is our fifth kitten, the last one was Ukkie (born 1996). Our other cats were older when we got them. She weighs approximately 780 grams. She is almost 20 cm tall (front, from paw to point of ear). She is very curious and playful. ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ crse ~*~ My 2 Cents ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Aginoth ~*~ Jodi ~*~ Wrigley ~*~ Hails ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Dane Bramage ~*~ Zeus ~*~ peppylady ~*~ tbirdonawire ~*~ kimmy ~*~ Margaret ~*~ Shannon ~*~ K_T_Cat ~*~ Meg ~*~ Mandy ~*~ Tina ~*~ Southern Girl ~*~ Barbara ~*~ Marti ~*~ Norma ~*~ Stacy ~*~ Christine ~*~ Charmed1 ~*~ Buttercup ~*~ Mrs Lifecruiser ~*~ ribbiticus ~*~ PinkJeweledCat ~*~ Lilize ~*~ Eveline ~*~ Raggedy ~*~ Julie ~*~ Friday's Child ~*~ The Merry Rose ~*~ Knitting Maniac ~*~ Kristarella ~*~ BecK ~*~ anneberit ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Meet... Freyja and Bastet!!

Yesterday I was at the local pet shelter. Ron is giving me two kittens for my birthday. We held a really cute one two weeks ago. She was tiny. I wanted to choose her and another kitten from that litter. They are 5 weeks old. Unfortunately the others were all tomcats, so I had to choose another pussycat. Difficult decision! I wasn't sure until I met this little princess. I made pictures with my mobile phone and suddenly called her Freyja. I don't know why! I hesitated a bit to use a goddess name, but it felt so good. So Freyja it is! A matching name for the little one wasn't very hard: Bastet! It's the name a lot of people use in the Netherlands for Bast.

Freyja is older than Bastet, so this morning I picked her up in the shelter. I made some pics of Bastet too. Freyja seems to be a full breed Balinese. She was left behind, all alone in a cardboard box... She has a little kink in her tail. She has been to the vet yesterday and she is healthy. She is just recovering a bit, because she was full of flees when she was brought into the shelter.
On the way home I stopped at Pet's Place to buy the basic stuff. At home Freyja met Foofur and Boris. She was very curious. Boris too, but Foofur totally ignored her in the beginning. He gave me that certain look and walked away. But eventually his curiosity won and now they are lying on the couch together. When I correct Freyja he runs towards her like a policeman, just like he did with all her predecessors. Things will be fine, I guess. :-)
Freyja already had "maternity visitors". Gerard and Sylvia came to meet her. Later Monique stopped by. Freyja was exploring the living room, but got stuck between the central heating and the windowsill. Monique and I guided her out of there. I don't think she'll try it again. I left her alone to walk the dogs and when we returned she was asleep on the couch. The dogs woke her up and she looked into the camera.
I'll keep you posted! I can tell you this: kittens are the best anti-depressants I know! :-)

Yesterday

Yesterday I had a good day. I felt somewhat better and it really helped me to sum up what makes me happy. I had to cry when I heard one of mum's songs on Sky radio, but it didn't influence my whole day. I just had sore eyes for the rest of the day.
In the afternoon my friend Leonie and I met to do cryptograms together. That's become a tradition on Thursday afternoons. We have a lot of fun and together we solve the most difficult crypto's.

Around 6.30pm Wonder picked me up to go to a SFGA-meeting. We parked the car on the P+R car park near Amsterdam Sloterdijk Station. With the parking ticket you get two public transport tickets to use in the train or in tram/bus/etc. Nice service, but by train we couldn't get far enough and by tram it would take too long... From the other Amsterdam P+R you can travel almost anywhere in the city centre on the free ticket. Ah well, good lesson for next time: no parking near Sloterdijk anymore!
The weather was okay, so we walked from the Central Station to the location. We were the first, but soon the others came. It wasn't very busy and we didn't have a theme, so the evening didn't become all too spiritual and/or philosophical. ;-) We had a good time though, sitting outside by a canal just chatting and catching up. I was very tired, so I didn't protest when Wonder wanted to leave early. We were walking back to the Central Station when I got a bit unwell: sweaty, dizzy, headache and somewhat nauseated. I was afraid it would become a migraine. Wonder had to support me. At home he did a pressure point massage (?) and that helped well enough to have a good night's sleep and to wake up without a migraine!

TT #4: happy

Thirteen happy “things” I haven't been feeling very well this week, so it's time to look at what makes me happy! Books - I love books! My own books, bookstores, friend's bookcases, libraries... Pets - Even though it's so hard to say goodbye, pets bring so much joy to my life! Friends - Having real friends who love me no-matter-what makes me feel blessed. Meditation - I should really do it more often, I know it helps me. My marriage - No need to explain! The sea - I could never live too far from the sea, I need it close. Trees - Being with trees, feeling their energy, the peace, their beauty in every season. Dancing - If I'm able to surrender to it, it makes me free and happy. Music - Of course Robbie, but I love a wide range of music (listening to harp music right now). My computer - It's a necessity of life to me; yes, I'm addicted. Shopping - Especially with a kindred spirit or all alone, not always necessary to buy things. Witchy stuff - A big part of my life that most certainly adds to my happiness. Daydreaming - Just snuggle comfortably and dream away... ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Something's Missing ~*~ Norma ~*~ Friday's Child ~*~ Wendy Pereira ~*~ Kailani ~*~ Nyasha ~*~ Tina ~*~ Happy Birthday, ~ Stacy ~! ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Trisha ~*~ e ~*~ Knitting Maniac ~*~ Hails ~*~ Pass The Torch ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Minerva Jane ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Olwen ~*~ Deanna ~*~ My Two Cents ~*~ Barbara ~*~ Dane Bramage ~*~ charmed1 ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ PinkJeweledCat ~*~ Sophisticated Writer ~*~ K T Cat ~*~ Julie ~*~ Buttercup ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Renee ~*~ Shaylondon ~*~ Christine ~*~ Lilize ~*~ Nadiah Alwi ~*~ crse ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

The glass is empty

a drop of sweet water
devoured by the salty ocean
irreversibly vanished
lost forever...

That's kind of how I feel. I seem to have lost my positive and optimistic touch. I feel... I don't know, do I feel? I don't think I want to... It's like I'm living separately, as if there's a dark veil between me and the rest of the world. Sometimes even a non-transparent smokescreen and I don't know how to get rid of it.
I'm sorry... I don't want to be this gloomy. It often helps me to write down my feelings, but it doesn't work this time. Don't worry, I'll be okay again...

21.15u: On top of it all we had to let Poemel go tonight... The vet said it was the best decision for her. Dementia, thyroid and kidney problems; everything seemed to have worsened. She couldn't enjoy life anymore. The Rainbow Bridge is getting crowded... Bye Poemel, bye sweetie, love you always...

TT #3: pets

Thirteen beloved pets Mickey, the cat I had home with my parents. My first cat! Lapje, the cat I left at home when Ron and I were moving out. Later we took her in with our other cats. Garfield, the first cat we got from the pet shelter. He sold himself by playing with a ping-pong ball. He was a mother to all of the other cats and he was the boss. Cleo, we took her from the pet shelter at the same time we got Garfield. She was a full breed cat, taken to the shelter because she had the wrong eye colour... She was a lady. Mickey, the big black cat. Garfield was the boss, but Mickey was his right hand. He was big, but not fat. Snoopy, the little white lady. She has always been tiny. Snoetje, a cat we looked after for a friend of mine. She couldn't have it, so we took her in until we found a new home for her with my mother's neighbours. Poemel, the only cat still alive right now. First my brother took her in, but we got her back. She is getting old and doesn't always know what she's doing. She is still living upstairs. Ukkie, the youngest cat who passed on way too early... Heathcliff, the big red cat. He loved to play and cuddle, sleeping in every lap he could find. Shadow, our Bernese Mountain dog (Berner Sennen). Our first dog! We got him from the pet shelter in Gouda. He was well-bred, kind-hearted and loved by everyone. Foofur, our little dog (half Jack Russell, half Welsh Corgi). I fell in love with him the second he got into the pet shelter. He is fond of people and they love him! Boris, our big black dog (half Newfoundlander, quarter Bernese Mountain, quarter St. Bernard). His old boss went to Africa and didn't take him. Lucky for us! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Something's Missing ~*~ Ardice ~*~ benson659 ~*~ Jodi ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Michelle ~*~ Pass The Torch ~*~ Knitting Maniac ~*~ The Tempest ~*~ Jewels ~*~ Lyn ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Denise ~*~ Debby ~*~ My Two Cents ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Ghost ~*~ Froggie Mama ~*~ Natsthename ~*~ Karla ~*~ Rae ~*~ Tracy ~*~ Mandy ~*~ Astrocoz ~*~ Norma ~*~ Sarah ~*~ Ocean Lady ~*~ Lisa ~*~ BecK ~*~ charmed1 ~*~ Gail Martin ~*~ Dane Bramage ~*~ Shaylondon ~*~ EmilyRoseJewel ~*~ factor10 ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ Nadiah Alwi ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Christina ~*~ lisa-marie ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Castlefest

Last Saturday I have been to Castlefest, a medieval/fantasy/pagan festival with lots of stands and great entertainment in the gardens of castle "De Keukenhof" in Lisse. After a week of colder and very wet weather (nope, you won't hear me complain!) it was dry and sunny, not too hot; perfect weather for an outdoor festival. I've spent most of the day with Wonder, but I've met lots of friends. Some I had seen lately, with others it had been a long(er) time. So good to see them all!

The outfits we saw around us were simply amazing; everyone had done their best. Luna looked great, Wonder wore medieval clothing, Llwella was dressed as the tooth fairy, etc. At first I wore my Witchy Girls t-shirt and my black cloak. When Sorcha tried on a black top with purple pointed sleeves and cap, it was too wide for her. She encouraged me to try it on, so I did. Of course I had my doubts (don't I always..?), but the others convinced me and it was 75 % off. I needed to get used to it, but I think I like it!
Apart from the top I haven't bought anything. I've seen enough, but nothing I had to buy right there. Food and drinks were served in earthenware cups and plates. The deposit was 2 Castlefest Coins or 4 euro for one cup or plate. I kept my cup with Castlefest logo.

The entertainment was varied and good. Wonder and I watched and listened to a story by Donderelf. The story was "Ian Dureach and the Blue Falcon". We heard it before, but it was good nevertheless. Unfortunately his wife Theresia wasn't with him to play the harp. Later on the day we heard two other women play their harps. We sat down for a while and quietly enjoyed it.
On the big podium we saw Omnia and Faun. I like them, but I've discovered that I'm a bigger fan of Rapalje. Their Celtic folk music holds a great attraction for me: sometimes soft and melodious, another song wild and cheerful. Definitely great entertainment!
The evening ended with a big fireshow, but I couldn't see a lot of it. Afterwards I drove Luna and Sorcha to Amsterdam (otherwise they had to travel by bus and train for 2 hours). It was after midnight when I got home. Very, very tired but looking back on a terrific day!

I didn't make a lot of pics myself, but here are a few online albums from others:
Castlefest gallery
Leuke Mensen
Richard van Gils
Klik en Klaar
Liesbeth
Marco van den Broek
Henk van den Berg

TT #2: Men

Thirteen men in my life My dad – As a child I was mostly drawn to my father. He always had an answer to my countless questions, encouraged me in many ways, knew when to talk and when to listen, and so on and on and on… Ron – The love and light of my life, my soulmate, stands by me and supports me always, husband, best friend, lover and sooo much more: my everything! Gerard, my brother – Living with our parents we were like cat and dog, often at each other’s throat but still he always was and is my big brother. There was a period I hated him, but I never stopped loving him too. Albert – I met him at the drum band where I was a majorette; my first boyfriend, my first real kiss. Arie – The dancing partner that became my first long serious relationship. He helped me through the difficult last year at high school. He bought a house for us and we got engaged, but then he cheated on me with (what I thought was) a friend. Leo, my brother-in-law - He got involved with Joke when I was little, so for me it seems like he has always been there. The first one with a car in our family, wow! Together with Joke he has always been there for me and still is, in many ways. Leo, DJ in “De Bunker” – The cold facts sound deceiving (e.g. he was engaged), but he was very special in that period of my life. We talked about all kinds of things, from fun to very serious. He helped me regain my trust in men after I was raped. He gave me a wonderful “first time” and much more. Rob – I knew Rob, Ron knew Rob, but we didn’t know each other. Now Rob is a friend of both of us! Evert (Wonder) – the ‘newest’ man on this list. I got to know him about 5 (?) years ago online through the WhiteshadoW witches forum. We were both exploring the path in an early stadium. When we met in real life on a WhiteshadoW meeting we instantly liked each other, but it wasn’t until last year that we really made a connection. That has developed into a very deep and close friendship. Mr. Vlasman, my mentor and teacher Dutch in high school – He nourished and encouraged my love for writing, reading and the Dutch language. I’m still thankful for that. Robbie Williams – Yes, yes… I hear you sigh! But really, even though I don’t know him in person he definitely has an influence on my life. His music means a lot to me, I like the things he stands for and I admire him for what he has achieved. Ron’s dad – Although we didn’t always see eye-to-eye I respect him. He is important to me because he is very important to Ron. I love the stories Ron tells about the times that he joined his father on his truck and travelled with him through Europe. The last time I spoke with him (before he died in surgery) he asked me to take care of his son. I hope he thinks I do. I could make this list a lot longer, but it’s Thursday Thirteen… So I’ll save this spot for all the other men who influenced my life and/or are important to me now. I won’t name them all; I wouldn’t want to forget any single one of them. You know who you are, don’t you..? ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. ~ Stacy ~ 2. My Two Cents 3. Laura 4. The Merry Rose 5. Raggedy 6. Nathalie 7. Something's Missing 8. Cheeky 9. Carmen 10. LadyBug Crossing 11. Friday's Child 12. mar 13. Pass The Torch 14. Momma Piñata 15. Shannon 16. Christina 17. Lindsey 18. Ash 19. Dane Bramage 20. Mysterious Lady 21. Dawn 22. Barbara 23. Minerva Jane 24. Jenny Ryan 25. Lilize 26. Kailani 27. Shaylondon 28. Leanne 29. charmed1 30. Irish Church Lady 31. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

It hurts...

I am listening to the songs that were played on mum's cremation. Am I torturing myself? No... I felt tears behind my eyes, but they wouldn't come. Now they are pouring and I'm crying a river...
These are the songs:

• Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton - text here
• Look for me in rainbows by Vicky Brown - text here
• Into the west by Annie Lennox - from LOTR, listen to it here (read the text)

In the church a woman mum admired sang "Ave Maria" (Gounod version) and "Panis Angelicus". A choir version of "Ave Verum" was played on CD. I also selected a few songs that mum wanted; some were also sung at dad's mess.

I also found the text I spoke in the cremation ceremony. It is directly addressed to mum. I spoke to her and didn't see all the people; it was just between mum and I. People told me it moved them to tears. Joke also made a speech. Gerard didn't, it's not his thing. He designed a beautiful thanks-card we sent people afterwards.

Mum's apartment is as good as empty. In "The Pagan Book of Living and Dying" by Starhawk I found two prayers, one for things I'm keeping and one for things that are going away. I used them (in Dutch and in my own words) when I was alone in her flat this week. I'll share them with you:

Beloved mother,
I take this in memory of you.
May something of your spirit remain
so that as I touch this (book, dress, vase)
we will touch across the veil.

Beloved mother,
this was yours once.
Now you have no more need of it.
Withdraw your energy, your spirit, your desire.
I ask your blessing on the one who receives this.

I can certainly recommend the book. I had it already; there are great things in it. It is very interesting stuff in general and very helpful when someone is crossing over.

Thursday Thirteen #1: thankful

Thirteen Things to be Thankful for Today This heat wave will pass (soon I hope). Someone has accepted my mum’s apartment with the wooden floor, so we don’t have to remove it. I’ve bought a lovely new plant today (and got the pot for just € 1). My sister told me she’s sorry for something she said last week and of course I forgave her (I already had). Luv ya, sis! The super market had enough popsicles in stock, so they weren’t sold out at 5 pm. A dear friend is feeling much better than (the day before) yesterday. My ventilators don’t let me down, even though they are on 24 hours a day. I had guests today and we had a good time. I finally had the energy to tidy up the mess upstairs enough to have some more space. I found the missing toilet seat assembly material again. No obligations tonight, so Ron could go to bed early to get a well-deserved rest. Another of my sent PostCrossing postcards arrived at its destination today. I have taken the time to count my blessings today. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. crayonsetc 2. GreekGoddess 3. MysteriousLady 4. e 5. Kailani 6. Nathalie 7. Something's Missing 8. Lazy Daisy 9. Knitting Maniac 10. Carmen 11. Angela 12. Raggedy 13. armywife 14. Minerva Jane 15. Dane Bramage 16. Karen 17. Jennifer Sprague 18. Lyn 19. missi 20. YellowRose 21. Yoshi 22. Zeus 23. Magnolia Mom 24. Janet 25. Christina 26. Lilize 27. Mama Kelly 28. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

You are so beautiful...

I've mailed this video to several people, but I wanted to share it here too!

:-(

I promised an update... Well... I'm okay, but that's all. My mood varies a lot. Yesterday I had a nice day, today I'm down. The weather is still f***ing hot and I can't stand it. Ron's summer holidays are over. I miss mum, I miss dad. Never thought being an orphan would do so much with me, being 37 and all. I feel so alone and empty.

Doing the financial stuff for my mum feels good, although it's difficult. We'll have to contribute quite an amount of money each. Byebye savings...
Clearing out her flat is another story altogether... I can't take it anymore. I'm so different from the rest, attaching emotional value to just about everything. They are trying to show consideration for me, but don't always succeed. We have clashed a few times already, but hushed up. Ron and I felt rushed. Of course we understand everything must be ready before July 31st, but we can only do so much... Ron is taking over for me in mum's house and I feel guilty about that. The work is hard with these temperatures. I know he does it for me, but he's still not feeling okay himself...

*sigh*
*SIGH*

Ganpati full moon

Last saturday Wonder and I had organised a special evening at Ganpati (on the natural beach of Zandvoort). We had invited lots of friends: from the SFGA, the Occult Forum, Children of the Circle, etc. It was a nice and varied group of people. Ron was there too. It was great to introduce him to my pagan friends.

We gathered between 6pm and 7pm to meet, talk, eat and drink something first. Around 8pm we started with a workshop "Introduction into Soundhealing", given by Renate. If you want to know more about it, go to the website of Chris James. She did some voice and breathing exercises with us. At first I had to giggle a lot, but when I seriously took part it was an amazing experience. The time was too short to really get into the healing part, but it was very interesting nevertheless.

By sunset we started a full moon ritual. It wasn't totally full moon yet, but during the ritual the moon rose in a beautiful way. Wonder and I had written the ritual together and led it. We had asked 4 friends for the calling of the quarters. The theme of the ritual was friendship. Everyone had written two wishes on a piece of paper: one for themselves, one for a friend. In a visualisation/meditation we gave the wishes extra power and after that we threw the pieces of paper in the fire to give them to the universe. We thanked Mother Earth by giving back group energy to her, using exercises from the workshop. For the cake and wine we used the cup and dish I got from my mother, so she was with us in a way too.

After the ritual we were talking a bit and tidying up, when the owner of Ganpati came around. Without asking anything he put out the fire by throwing sand on it and told us to leave in a very rude way. All evening he hadn't been very friendly, but this was the limit!! He can learn a lot from his own employees, because they were friendly and nice. It was a bit of an anti-climax. If we ever do something like this again, it won't be at Ganpati for sure!!

Afterwards we got a lot of positive feedback from the participants. It was my first time to lead a group ritual and before I was very nervous. Luckily it all went well and I even got compliments.

To see more pics:
Gaialynn's album - click on "Vollemaansfeest" third row in the middle
Pics from IJs - click on "Vollemaansfeest" in the left column
My pics (if you don't want your pic there, just let me know and I'll remove it)

Hothothot

Ron's summer holidays (two weeks) have started. Pfew... It's very very hot over here. It's almost 2 am and still almost 30 ºC (86 ºF), far too hot to my liking.

Another week gone by. I do things. I sleep. I cry. I kinda live... Everything reminds me of mum.
We are busy settling everything: the financial things, tidy out the cupboards, decide what to keep, etc.etc. It is hard to go through her stuff. Every cupboard, every drawer brings back memories. We all picked out things to keep. I decided to store a lot of things at home, because I just couldn't throw them away. Pictures, clippings, little utensils...

I have found the perfect charity for mum's clothes. She had a lot, but I didn't want to see it back somewhere. In Zutphen there is a selfhelp-foundation for people with an eating disorder, ZieZo. They have a special private house where people with an ed can come and do things, Het Praktijkhuis. In the basement of the house is a second hand clothes shop. Coming Tuesday we'll bring mum's clothes there.

I've put the remaining furniture and other things of value that we don't want ourselves on an auction site. It turned out mum wasn't insured enough to cover the bills, so the profit has to be added to that. The insurance agent hasn't done what he promised us after my dad died: to help mum keep things up-to-date.