Crisis

Okay, perhaps the title is a bit overdone, but I don't feel at my best (hmm, that's under-done...).
Today I had an appointment with my internist. I knew he would want to check my weight. The fact is I hadn't been on the scales for ages. The last months the stress and fatigue increased and my depression deepened. Normally I would be able to handle the stress but the combination made me lose control. That has two possible results in my case: overeating or not eating. This time it was the first... I can't get a grip on it and I hate it. I know eactly what I have to do, but I can't. I try again and again but without success, on the contrary...

I didn't want to weigh myself in the hospital, so I decided to step on the scales this morning. I knew it wouldn't be good, but it was even worse. All the weight I have lost this year is back on... Of course I've seen it before and felt it for a long time, but the confrontation with the figure on the display always does it big time...

Ron has discussed my problems with his psychiatrist. Of course it affects him too and she has experience with people with eating disorders. In January I will go with Ron to two of his appointments with her. She wants to see whether she can help me. I'm willing to try, but I can't imagine to hear something I don't already know after all the therapy and help I've had. We'll see; it's obvious I need something to overcome this relapse...

As for my appointment with the doctor... My bloodpressure was 150/100, same as with the last check-up. No change in medicine there. The internist wants to reduce the Thyrax, because my thyroid values are a bit high. They have been for some time, but last time I took less Thyrax my weight went sky-high again. Still he wants to try again. Yay, just what I need right now...