Wednesday, June 06, 2007

What if...

I got out of bed this morning with a sore back. I couldn't move without pain. Ron had to go to work so I struggled through the first hours. Then Wonder came (that was already planned) and he massaged my back. It hurt a lot, but afterwards it felt much better. It still hurts though; I hope the pain will be gone tomorrow!

Today a year ago was the day of my mother's surgery. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I remember it like it was yesterday. I talked to her very early in the morning, then the waiting, the surgeon's phonecall, the dismay I felt... well, everything.
The "what if..."-question started bugging me again. What if they hadn't done that surgery, would she still be alive today? Her condition was severe. The valve had to be replaced and they had to do it a.s.a.p. because otherwise her lungs wouldn't be able to withstand surgery. We were told there was no immediate danger of life though... What if... *sigh* Nobody knows the answer or will ever know it... And when the answer would be yes, how would her quality of life be..? I've really got to stop making myself crazy with those questions.
Miss you mum..!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing in surgery. I can't help but to think your back pain is related to the anniversary of her passing. "What if" questions are so tricky often what ifs never become what is.

    Wishing you health, balance and joy.


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