Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Shamanic Training

I don't want to get into it too deep, but Phyllis Curott / The Temple of Ara and I went our separate ways. I still appreciate everything I've learned, but the arranged initiations were cancelled indefinitely and the new plans of the temple didn't fit my ideas and expectations. It has been a huge disappointment, but I decided to move on... I'm still considering different options. The group Ara Lowlands will continue under a new name: Lowland Systers.

Last Sunday I started the Shamanic Training by Linda Wormhoudt in Amsterdam. It lasts until the end of this year. I know Linda from her book "Goden en sjamanen in Noordwest Europa" (Gods and shamans in northwestern Europe), which is one of my favourites.
This first meeting's theme was getting to know each other. We were with almost 20 people. I only knew 2: one of the Lowland Systers and someone I met before in a witches cafe and on the Brookberg. The group is very diverse: in age, male and female, in background. Linda told about shamanism and what we are going to do. We did several exercises to get to know each other better.

After the break we made a shamanic journey. I had difficulty getting into it. The trance was there, but I was stuck. The spirits / ancestors came to me, because I obviously couldn't come to them. They told me I have to take care of myself, insert a break when I need one, put myself first. I should meditate more. Hmm okay, I guess that's my answer concerning the roller coaster... :)

Near the end of the evening Linda asked us to put support, energy, strength etc. in a flower for a group member that couldn't be with us. She was waiting in a hospice for her father to die, they gave him up but the dying process took long. An awful situation for her, but inside me an irrational feeling of rebellion bubbled up and demanded attention. I was angry! At least she had time with him, I wished I would have had time with Leo! I decided to share it with the group and that was the right decision. At that moment I burst into tears and let it go. Linda put another flower in the circle, for me! Then everyone did their thing (rattled, sang, meditated, etc.) to charge the flowers. Because I had expressed my feelings there was room to give the other flower some energy and support too. The flower is now on my altar.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Stop this roller coaster, I want to get off!

It feels like I lost control of my life. It's a roller coaster ride gone crazy. Things keep happening, not one by one but all together. Before one thing is settled, two others just begin. Every time we try to get a grip on the situation, it only gets worse. The cycle of life is spinning out of control. The balance is lost. I don't get time to deal with everything that's happening. If you're a regular reader you know what I'm talking about, and I can't tell everything here. There's even more... And I've had enough of it! Full stop, NOW!

The last week I got a nasty cold and that forced me to let go for a while. I was exhausted and couldn't do much. Because of the coughing and sneezing I didn't sleep much at night, not very beneficial too! I'm slowly feeling better now, but to be honest I almost fear being "all better". I'm afraid it means the roller coaster gets in overdrive again. I'm so tired of it... How do I ask the universe to give us a break...?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Goodbye Leo...

Leo & JokeYesterday evening completely unexpectedly my brother-in-law Leo passed away (cardiac arrest), only 55 years old... . CPR was done immediately as it happened at the gym. They tried everything possible at the gym, in the ambulance and in the hospital. Alas, it didn't work and Leo was pronounced dead around 10.15pm...

Yesterday afternoon he was with Joke at our home for my birthday, looking forward to go to the gym. Afterwards they would come back here, but instead we left the visitors to go to the gym and later the hospital. Last night and today I stayed with Joke to make all arrangements and for support. I'll be there for her for as long as she wants me to, and thereafter. Tonight she wants to be alone, so I'm home now. I let her promise to call me when she needs me. If she doesn't call, I'll go to her first thing in the morning.

How I wish Tempus (the demon of time) from Charmed really existed to manipulate time and bring back Leo. The thing I want to do most for my sister is the most impossible...

It is so unfair, so cruel, so incomprehensible. Why, why, WHY??? Why Leo???

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

COT #29: Freyja & Arwen

Cats On Tuesday
CATS ON TUESDAY is a group of cat lovers
who share pictures and/or stories about their cats once a week,
hosted by Gattina.

The cats are getting used to the idea of having Arwen around. They each have their own way. Bastet makes friends and follows Arwen, nuzzling up against her. Maia is curious but cautious, inspecting Arwen from a distance (or closer when she thinks Arwen doesn't notice). The pics show how Freyja treats the little newcomer.

I was combing Arwen on the table, when Freyja joined us to see what we were doing. She waited until I was ready and Arwen showed some interest.

paws together

touching paws


closer together


that was too close, Arwen!


okay... I'll keep my distance!