Litha and more

Last Monday I had a very special Litha celebration with my coven. I really feel welcome there. I like them and I think they like me. :) Anyway, I have found my path back again. I feel at ease and confident about it. I can't share everything here. That's a pity, but that's just the way it is. I'll still share whatever I can.

Last year after I left the Temple of Ara I really felt bad, out of balance and lost. Now I can see it as something in the past. Phyllis Curott will always be dear to me and I've learned great things while working with her. I'm proud to have had her as a teacher. And a terrific part of the legacy is a group of wonderful women to work with, the Lowland Systers.

This is the robe I made for the Litha celebration. As you know I'm not a sewing-star (that's a huge understatement...) so I had help from Wonder and Ron. I have two belts: one straight and one braided (what a work!). The fabric (100% cotton) was white originally, but I decided to dye it. A bit of a gamble, but it turned out just the way I hoped it would! I bought the shawl some time ago and the colour fit perfectly.

Weekend in a yurt

Two weeks ago the Lowland Systers spent the weekend (Friday to Sunday) in a yurt in Otterlo. There are 5 yurts (or gers as the Mongolian people call them) on a field, and a tipi with electricity where you can cook. In the yurts there is one electric point, no water and a central stove to heat. Like the yurt itself the interior is authentic and made in Mongolia. You can see pictures in my Facebook photoalbum (no need to have a FB-account).

We got together to make a fresh start. We dealt with the Ara-stuff and are moving on. We all are doing our own thing, but we decided to stay together as a group. Ara Lowlands has changed into Lowland Systers. One woman decided to step out and go her own way. We are with 6 women now. This weekend was to reconnect with each other.

We did a beautiful pathworking on Friday evening and a ritual on Saturday night. We did our ritual bading in the hottub in the snow. First we had to remove a thick layer of ice and then heat the tubstove for hours. When we finally got in, the water was still a bit chilly and near the bottom quite cold. We didn't stay in very long, but we did it anyway. Great for teambuilding! :)

Anyway, the weekend was a big success and we had a lot of fun!

Shamanic Training

I don't want to get into it too deep, but Phyllis Curott / The Temple of Ara and I went our separate ways. I still appreciate everything I've learned, but the arranged initiations were cancelled indefinitely and the new plans of the temple didn't fit my ideas and expectations. It has been a huge disappointment, but I decided to move on... I'm still considering different options. The group Ara Lowlands will continue under a new name: Lowland Systers.

Last Sunday I started the Shamanic Training by Linda Wormhoudt in Amsterdam. It lasts until the end of this year. I know Linda from her book "Goden en sjamanen in Noordwest Europa" (Gods and shamans in northwestern Europe), which is one of my favourites.
This first meeting's theme was getting to know each other. We were with almost 20 people. I only knew 2: one of the Lowland Systers and someone I met before in a witches cafe and on the Brookberg. The group is very diverse: in age, male and female, in background. Linda told about shamanism and what we are going to do. We did several exercises to get to know each other better.

After the break we made a shamanic journey. I had difficulty getting into it. The trance was there, but I was stuck. The spirits / ancestors came to me, because I obviously couldn't come to them. They told me I have to take care of myself, insert a break when I need one, put myself first. I should meditate more. Hmm okay, I guess that's my answer concerning the roller coaster... :)

Near the end of the evening Linda asked us to put support, energy, strength etc. in a flower for a group member that couldn't be with us. She was waiting in a hospice for her father to die, they gave him up but the dying process took long. An awful situation for her, but inside me an irrational feeling of rebellion bubbled up and demanded attention. I was angry! At least she had time with him, I wished I would have had time with Leo! I decided to share it with the group and that was the right decision. At that moment I burst into tears and let it go. Linda put another flower in the circle, for me! Then everyone did their thing (rattled, sang, meditated, etc.) to charge the flowers. Because I had expressed my feelings there was room to give the other flower some energy and support too. The flower is now on my altar.

TT #98: random stuff

Thirteen random things It has been a while since I did a TT, so here's a new one. Just some random stuff I'd like to share with you. Today is Koninginnedag (Queen's Day) in The Netherlands. You can read more about it here. Queen Beatrix and her family will visit Apeldoorn, but there are activities throughout the country. I especially like the freemarkets on the streets in almost every town or village, where mostly children (or so it should be...) sell old toys, books, stuff! Last weekend Ron and I went to the Elf Fantasy Fair in Haarzuilens, a medieval / gothic / fantasy / pagan festival on the grounds around Castle "De Haar". I'll post about it later and add my pictures. Ron is still recovering from his surgery. The pain afterwards is worse than expected; they really should have told us about it. It's slowly getting better and his armpits and hands are still dry. He is a happy man! The last few weeks I was a member of the application committee that was interviewing people for the job of coordinator of the pool of voluntary people helping others with their own experience. As a member of the pool I was added to the committee. It was very interesting work! Maia has been neutered today. She is still a bit woozy, but everything's okay. She is almost two years old now, but she remains very little. That poor little body with a big cut on her tummy... I spoil her rotten! ;-) This is my 98th Thursday Thirteen. I want to do 100 and then it's time to quit. Time for a new meme, a new challenge. Do you have a tip? Let me know! This coming weekend Ron and I will go to a pagan forum meeting in Hengelo to celebrate Beltane. I hope the weather will be nice, so we can have the ritual outside and make some great fires! I have finished the fifth and last book in the Gardella Vampire Chronicles. I simply love this series and now it has ended... The heroine can be described as "Buffy in regency-era London", a brilliant setting with unexpected plots. Don't know it? Lucky you, because you have 5 great books to read! Colleen Gleason is an amazing author; on her website you can read all about her and the series. Around this time I would have been initiated with the other Ara-girls, but it wasn't meant to be (yet?)... We are very disappointed and consider our possibilities. I'd still love to be initiated in the Ara tradition, but there are some issues that have to be solved first. This year around Midsummer Ron and I will go back on vacation to the lovely cottage near Lier in Belgium where we stayed last year. We are invited to stay there for two weeks while our friends (the owners) are away. Although I'll miss the cats very much, I really look forward to spend time in this little paradise again! I am busy organising a walk in the dunes near IJmuiden with a guide that has been a ranger there for years. He knows a lot about everything that grows and lives in the dune area. The walk will have the focus on herbs. Have you seen the video of Susan Boyle in Britains Got Talent? She has a fabulous voice. Looks can deceive... Everyone was laughing at her, until she opened her mouth. Wow!! I hope her dream comes true, she deserves no less. A new Star Trek movie is coming! I have to see it of course. I'll have to get used to new faces with familiar names, but that doesn't have to be a problem. Did you watch the trailer already? The release date is May 7. ~*~*~*~ The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted Unfortunately the original TT website doesn't exist anymore. There's a new hub : Thursday-13!

Busy busy

I haven't updated as much as I wanted. I've been busy for my doing (is that how you say it in English?), and I need a lot of rest in between. I'll bring you up-to-date now. :)

Rons first talk with the outplacement bureau wasn't what he hoped for. He wants another job a.s.a.p. (preferably yesterday), but there are procedures. We hope the next talk will be more constructive.

Friday evening we had dinner with friends and then went to a theatre concert by Rapalje, a Celtic folkband from the Netherlands. Ron and I are big fans. We've often seen them at fairs and other events. We also visited their first theatre tour. The concert was great!

Yesterday Wonder and I went to the Onkruidbeurs (Onkruid is an inspiring alternative/esoteric magazine, beurs=fair). There was a lot to see. We had a nice chair massage halfway. Wonder is looking for a study/course to complement the ones he already did.

In between all this I've been busy with the Ara-girls about the postponed initiations, doing some voluntary jobs for the empirical experts pool and a lot of other stuff. Sometimes exhausting, but I choose to do all this so I have to take the consequences too.

Updates

A few weeks ago I got a letter from the UWV, the organisation that pays my monthly disability allowance. I had to come for a re-examination and re-assessment of my condition. That was a big surprise. After the tests and the result in 2006 they told me they wouldn’t invite me again. The appointment was last Monday. When I got there, the doctor had read my file and was wondering out loud why I was invited at all. He thought it was because of a note his colleague made in 2006, that was misinterpreted by the administration department. He asked some things, made some notes and I was outside again in no time.

Next Tuesday I have an appointment in the CFS Centre for an exertion test. Afterwards I will get a portable monitor for 24 hours to observe my heart. It is part of the examinations the cardiologist wanted to do. I hope I’ll hear more about what they think is possible in treating my fatigue problem.

The Temple of Ara initiation has been cancelled for Beltane this year. There weren’t enough candidates in Italy after all, so the costs would rise substantially. We just can’t afford that. Because Ara Lowlands has 6 candidates we looked into the possibility of doing the initiations in The Netherlands or Belgium. We even considered going to New York, where Phyllis lives. Alas, at the moment none of those options are feasible. We’ll have to wait and discuss future plans. Maybe for later this year or early 2010, we’ll see.

Next Wednesday Ron has his first interview with the outplacement bureau. They called him last week; it was a very good talk. Ron told them how he feels and what he hopes they can do for and with him. Every day he leaves for work with leaden step. He doesn’t feel comfortable there anymore and the work they gave him is not exactly challenging. He has lost his drive and motivation, simply does what he has to do. That’s nothing like the “normal” Ron, who wants to show effort and devotion in his job. It hurts me to see him like this. He has so much to give, but they don’t want it anymore. Well, their loss!!!

The new me

Accepting myself and especially my body has been an issue in my life for as long as I can remember. The depressions and eating disorders had their roots in the same issue, although there was more. Over the years I’ve tried to deal with it, not always equally successful, but I did the best I could. Everything I did, helped in some way or another, less or more. In therapy I learned a lot. Step by step I got further on my path to be friends with my body. I dealt with the problems I had, but somehow the body-issue didn’t really change. I had a distorted body image, couldn’t look in de mirror without condemning what I saw, was convinced I was ugly, couldn’t understand why people liked me, and so on…

When I started being active with “witchy stuff’, the issue kept coming back in meditations, journeys. Being a witch has a lot to do with honouring yourself and your body. Before you are able to honour, you have to accept. Again, step by step I learned. Don’t get me wrong, witchcraft isn’t therapy!! It is very personal though; self-discovery, self-knowledge is an important part of it. In therapy I laid the foundations, but it couldn’t do more for me. My spiritual path brought me closer to dealing with the issue.

The last few years it got more intensive. I had little and big ‘breakthroughs’. My first full-body massage was scary to plan, but it felt great and I surprised myself: I could enjoy it! Another milestone was the Shadow Workshop with Phyllis Curott. It was heavy stuff and hard work, but very rewarding! I really took a major step in dealing with the ugly-me-monster. A simple (though not easy...) exercise turned out to be a big boost into the right direction. For the first time I believed I could beat the monster.

The last few months I was aware of a change in myself. I couldn’t name it, but I felt it was very important. I didn’t push a button, it was a long process that hasn’t completely finished yet. I recognised signs, behaviour in myself that held the promise of significant change. I couldn’t share it yet, couldn’t even put it into words. Last week I figured it out, the volcano inside erupted and strange new feelings emerged to the surface. I’m not going to torture myself any longer, I’m no longer putting my life on hold “until I loose the extra weight”. My life is now, with the body I have. I may not like everything about it, but hey… it’s me! It has always supported me, worked with me, even when I was torturing it in ways I can’t even imagine now. I may be overweight, but that doesn’t mean I’m ugly. O yes, I still would like to shed a few pounds or more, but if it doesn’t happen it’s not the end of the world. I’m okay the way I am now, my body is worth caring for!

So… I’m breaking new ground. It still feels strange and scary at times, but most of the time the positive feelings prevail. A brand new world reveals itself to me. I enjoy it fully, but I also keep my feet on the ground. It won’t always be easy, I’ll fall from time to time. But this regained freedom is something I don’t want to give up anymore. You know… I’m so proud of myself!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Last Friday I did a shamanic journey. I planned to ask Bagheera (my black panther totem) for guidance in this new situation. I walked towards my tree, very slowly, leaving stress and other distracting things behind me. I sat against the tree for a while, then I rolled backwards into it until I stood. The way down was spiralling. Lately I see a lot of spirals in dreams, meditations etc.
Bagheera was waiting for me. I hugged her, we played. She made me feel very welcome and special. When I asked her to help me, she brought me to a beautiful cave with high arches, lit by torches and candles. We stopped in front of a beautiful wooden door. When I opened it, I was back in the Shadow Workshop, just before the merging of the 'sacred me' and my shadows ('the wicked witch' and the 'perfect me'). We made a circle of four, holding hands. I felt the energy moving. We walked around, first slowly then faster and faster. In the middle of our circle formed a vortex. The others led me into it. They kept running around me and at the highest point of energy they joined me in the vortex. It was as if we stood in the eye of a tornado, but it wasn’t scary, on the contrary. I took the time and enjoyed the merging. I raised my arms high and felt happy, positive. When I wanted to step outside, it went very slow. It felt like hands were pulling me back, but not compulsory. I knew I was strong enough to get out, but did it gently. Outside Bagheera explained it was like the moon’s phases. At this moment it’s waning: I’m letting go of old routines. The new moon will be a pause. The waxing moon will make the new routines mine. With full moon the cycle will be complete.
When I walked back along the beach with Bagheera, she gave me some additional tips. I went up the tree and sat down for a while to let all of it sink in. When I was back in my room, I wrote everything down.

Ara Global ritual

We did several RAT's (ritual apart together) with the Ara Lowlands group. Phyllis proposed to do one with the global community. So yesterday evening (9pm my time) people in the Netherlands, Italy and the USA all sat down at their homes to do a ritual together on the astral plane!

I had made a little altar in my room, burned some incense and sat in my meditation chair in front of it. When the drumming started, I was almost immediately in my little hut at the base of the hill. We were putting on our robes; not the usual green ones, but black and purple ones with a hood.
We started walking up the hill in the east. In the west was a sacred well against the side of the hill. The lid covered the well a bit and was decorated with the Ara-logo. The full moon reflected in the water. From the well some water was running into a little pond. A beautiful black horse was drinking from it. I drew some water from the well with a silver bowl. I saw the reflection of the moon in the bowl.
On the top of the hill we gathered around the altar stone on the meadow in front of our temple. I put the bowl with water on the altar. There also were a silver bowl with black salt, an Abalone shell with incense and a cauldron with (controlled) fire. We cast the circle from hand to hand, evoked the powers of the elements and invited the God and Goddess. The Oak Grove grounding exercise was very powerful. All our roots intermingled as one.
The Cone of Power for the Temple of Ara was a very special experience. When we were slowly walking around, the black horse was walking with us in a circle outside ours. When we picked up speed, so did she. At the zenith of power someone yelled “now!” and the horse pranced, while we released the power into the bowl with water. It was a splendid blue-silvery light, that in the bowl started to sparkle and twinkle. I raised the bowl to charge it extra with moonlight. Then all of us took a sip. The atmosphere was warm, friendly and cheerful.
After the cake & wine we thanked the powers of the elements and the God and Goddess. We closed the circle from hand to hand and sang “May the circle be open”. I made offerings on the meadow.
Slowly we walked down the hill. In the west the sea was wild. In the distance was an old four-master bravely defying the waves. At the foot of the hill we made a big campfire and sat around it. We chatted, ate and drank. Some people had drums. Later someone had a guitar and we started singing chants and old songs everyone knows. Until very late we stayed around the fire. When we finally went our own ways, the parting took a while with hugs and kisses. It really felt as if a deep and loving bond was forged.

Ara Lowlands in Breda

Yesterday the Ara Lowlands group met in Breda. I picked up the girls from Amsterdam and drove to Breda. We chatted over a cup of tea. It had been a while since we came together, so there was some catching up to do!

The weather was cold but good, so we went for a long walk in the Mastbos. This time not to visit my beloved tree; we decided to walk a marked route. It was beautiful and relaxing.
On a clearing a lot of fir trees were cut. It hurts to see so many trees on the ground, but there was a sign explaining why it was done: to give the smaller trees and plants more light to grow, to get rid of foreign trees that don't belong there and to give the animals some open spaces they need. The cut off wood will be removed and new life can develop spontaneously. We took some of the fir branches to give them a place in our homes.
When we were walking somewhere on a path I saw something among the trees. It looked like a face. In fact it was a trunk overgrown with moss, but somehow it represented the Green Man.
Before we left we cast a circle near a pool and passed energy around.

When we came back, we warmed ourselves with ginger tea and made some plans for the new year. We have set some dates until the initiation. I also told the girls I'm not sure whether I can go to the initiation. I have the money set aside, but I'm not sure it can stay that way because of our current situation. Of course I'll do anything I can to be there, but I thought it was only fair to tell them. They were very sympathetic and kind, it was heartwarming.

After dinner we made a little altar on the table. My new statue ( a little copy in bronze of The Kiss by Rodin) was the centerpiece representing the god and goddess. We cast the circle with sparklers, from light to light; it looked splendid! We did divination, first for the Temple of Ara and then for ourselves. I had brought my Druid Plant Oracle, because I haven't used it a lot yet. For myself I took one card, meadowsweet. To make it short that stands for cherishing and celebrating the stable factors in your life. I have to focus on what Ron and I have together. Circumstances and jobs may change, but we always have each other.

Olympia workshop

After a very relaxed week I had another busy weekend. Marian Green was in The Netherlands to give our group Olympia another workshop. The theme was "Ritual". We learned about the outline and construction of a ritual. Not only the basics were covered, but the more in-depth stuff was very interesting too. Everyone that works with magic should have certain subjects covered. It is an ongoing study, there's always more to learn.

We also talked about initiation, self-dedication and working in groups. We shared our thoughts and opinions and Marian hers. I don't think initiation is necessary to follow this path, but it can be a very special addition. What I've heard from others it can be life-changing. Personally I don't like levels of initiation. In the Ara-tradition there is just one initiation. Of course later on you can choose to go further to become clergy, but an initiate is an initiate.

For the first time the group planned a rirual together. Partly to practice what we'd learned, partly because we were ready for it. Because we are close to Samhain, that was our theme. We made a walk around the neighbourhood to collect autumn leaves. In a meditation Marian guided us to a closer contact with nature. We talked about our ancestors, our heritage. Everyone had an active role in the ritual.
On Sunday morning we did the ritual. It was very powerful. The group has good chemistry; everyone felt good enough to let the guards down. When we each took a tarot card I got the Eight of Pentacles, a card for the perfectionist I am... :-) We also talked about the harvest of the last year; Samhain is the witch's new year. For the cake and wine ceremony we didn't have wine. Usually I adjust and take a nip of wine (yuk!). This time the group adapted to me and we had delicious fruitjuice.

We planned dates for meetings to come; in December for a ritual, in April a workshop with Marian. We are blessed to have her as a teacher. She has a lot of knowledge, which she shares with us freely. She is down-to-earth, very friendly and has a great sense of humour.

Ara weekend

After the weekend I was very tired, had some stuff to do and Ron is still home with the flu. So now there's finally time to share my experiences!

I left Friday after lunch and picked up Sorcha and Liza in Amsterdam. We had quite some traffic jam, so we arrived later than expected. We were spending the weekend in a cottage in the woods on the Veluwe again. I stayed at the home of our goddess-mother and her lovely Corgi with Foofur, the other five (and another dog) shared the hired cottage. Around dinner time everyone was there; we had Indian meals from the toko in Amsterdam. Yummy...!

The weekend theme was "ancestors". Friday evening we did a pathworking to find them and introduce ourselves. Some went outdoors but because I was only just feeling better it seemed more sensible to stay inside. Pity though! This is how my pathworking went:
First I made contact with energies from the earth and the universe. A bubble of energy formed around me, in which I sat comfortably. The bubble slowly ascended. Sometimes I was high above the ground, sometimes low. First it was as if I was in a fast car on a highway, later I was on a horse or horse and carriage. Next I was in my bubble again and floated above the clouds. It was beautiful and very relaxing there; I enjoyed the 'ride'. After a while I noticed smoke above the clouds. When I floated down, there was a huge campfire with people sitting around it. I landed a bit further and sat down. I respected their privacy and didn't want to disturb them. The back of my neck was sore, so I turned my head around. Suddenly I felt warm hands on my shoulders, that started to give me a massage. It worked, the energy and warmth did wonders. When I turned around I saw a man, smiling at me. It was a long man with a tawny upper body, that was tanned by hard labour outside in the sun. He took my hand and led me to the campfire. I told him I'd be back the next day and he smiled. Suddenly I was back in the room.
When everyone had returned to the cottage, we shared our experiences. We also talked about how to travel to Italy for our initiation in May. I think most of us will go by train. It's relatively comfortable and cheap. The Italian Ara-group will pick us up and furthermore we won't need a car. We can buy the train tickets soon, so we can spread the costs.
Just after midnight I went to my bedroom. I called Ron, made my report of the day on my laptop and went to sleep.

Saturday morning I went for a stroll with Foofur and his Corgi friend. The woods are a real treat early in the morning. The sounds of nature, two dogs walking around me, the smells, pure beauty... After breakfast the girls suggested a walk in the woods. No problem, I'm in! With six people and three dogs it was different anyway. This time I brought my camera. There were a lot of fungi, but I didn't take a lot of pics; I already did that last year!

Back in the cottage we made ourselves ready for a shamanic journey, back to the ancestors. Another significant experience:
When I went down I first came out at the beach as I normally do, but I felt I wasn’t at the right place. In an instant I was back and came out at another place. It was at the edge of a sandy plain, which was surrounded by trees. In the middle of the plain was a great campfire. People were dancing around it in two circles. The men were dancing widdershins and the inner circle of women was dancing deosil. They were very cheerful and happy. There was a lot of laughter. I was asked to join in and I danced for a while. Afterwards we sat around the fire as one big family. I couldn’t really distinguish people, didn’t recognise anyone. Yet they felt familiar and I was totally at ease. I felt welcome and they were very friendly. They were dressed like nomads. When I asked something I got an answer from the whole group. It was as if they answered as one by telepathy. I didn’t hear answers; I received them in my mind.
When I asked about my inherited shadow, the prompt answer was: self-induced perfectionism! They couldn’t tell me the origin of that problem but it was very common for all of them. Perhaps it was inherited for them too. Their “gold in the shadow” was survival.
When I asked them how they want to be honoured in ritual, they seemed a bit surprised. “We are no gods! Just be proud of your inheritance, remember us, acknowledge us, and be aware of us. You’re always welcome to come back to us.” Then I said my goodbyes and promised to come back.
Wow... I most certainly recognise the self-induced perfectionism. I have been writing about that recently. No-one forced me to get high grades in school, I pushed myself. Sometimes it is a pain, but it has also helped me to achieve things. Food for thought...

Afterwards we all drew a tarotcard; mine was the two of wands. The results of the journeys and tarotcards were used in the ritual we wanted to do in the evening. We put all of it in an e-mail to Phyllis (Curott) and when she read everything she called us. She was on speaker, so it was the Charlies Angels setting again: all gathering around the phone. "Hi Charlie, hi angels" or in this case "Hi Phyllis"! :-) We talked for a while about our progress, the journeys, etc. It was great to speak with Phyllis again. The distance and time difference with New York seemed insignificant.
We made an outline for the ritual and then went our own ways for an hour. I called Ron and took a well-needed nap.

In the evening we prepared for the ritual. The weather forecast hadn't been very good; they predicted lots of rain. We wanted to do the ritual outside anyway and... kept it dry! We drove to a wonderful place: a burial mound on the heath; what better place to do an ancestor ritual! It was an impressive ritual and it felt very good. Feeling happy and fullfilled we returned to the cottage. There we talked for a while with a drink and a snack. I almost fell asleep, so after calling Ron and writing my report I did just that!

Sunday morning after breakfast we shared our individual bio's with each other. We had to write those for the initiation. It was great to hear the stories of the others. That way we got to know each other even better. The group spirit feels very good. It really is 'perfect love and perfect trust'. Well, perhaps not perfect, but that's okay. ;-)

After cleaning the cottage, packing and saying goodbye we got in the cars and drove off. We made a stop at the burial mound, because Sorcha had lost something very important there. Fortunately she found it in no-time!

Ara in Artis

Last Saturday there was an Ara-meeting in Amsterdam. We had planned to meet in front of the Artis entrance. Artis Royal Zoo is the oldest zoo in The Netherlands (founded in 1838) and situated in the heart of Amsterdam. Zoos always give me that ambivalent feeling: on one side I love to see the animals, but on the other side they are in captivity.

We had decided to go to the zoo, because we wanted to observe our power animals. Although we had planned this meeting months ago, half of the group couldn't make it. I met Sorcha at the entrance and Kat joined us somewhat later. Sorcha has a wolf totem. The two wolves in Artis have a great place to live with a lot of privacy. Unfortunately there are no bears in Artis anymore so Kat had to turn to the raccoons to watch them. We all spent time observing our animals.

Artis has a black panther called Inaia, who shares her habitat with her spotted sister. I was glad to read that their space will be much bigger in the near future. Artis can't expand because it's in the city centre, so they have chosen to keep less animals in bigger habitats. Inaia was pacing at the front of the fence, difficult to look at... Later she went to a corner to lie down and enjoy the sunshine. I made lots of pictures. In many ways a panther really is a big cat; I saw so much I recognised from my cats at home. Inaia is beautiful and she moves in a soft and smooth manner.

When we came back together we sat down on a stretch of grass. We cast a circle from hand to hand and passed energy. Then we went into a pathworking (the same one but on our own) to do a cone of power for the animals. It was a wonderful experience for me.
We were sitting in a circle and our animals were around us. Bagheera, my black panther companion, was lying half behind me with her head next to me and a paw in my lap. We built up the energy and released the power of the Cone in a bowl of water. From there a fountain formed until high in the sky and came down covering all of Artis, including us. It was a wonderful sight. After that I walked with Bagheera to Inaia. We went into the cage. The two panthers touched noses. I put my hand on Inaia's paw and Bagheera put hers on top. Together we exchanged energy and connected on a level we could all feel, connecting to all the panthers on the earth. It was a very magical and touching moment. I returned to the others and in an instant I was really back in Artis.

Artis was closing, so we slowly walked to the exit. In another part of Amsterdam we met with two of the others to have dinner and catch up on things. It was good to see eachother after quite some time! In October we'll have a workshop weekend in Otterlo again and we are already making plans for our initiation in Italy in May next year.

my Artis pics

Cone of Power

Last week Ara Lowlands had a Ritual Apart Together planned (each at our own home doing the same ritual at the same time in a meditation). Because of my recent health problems the group, together with several people from Phyllis' group in New York, wanted to do a Cone of Power for me. When it was proposed to me, I was ready to trivialise my problems and say it wasn't necessary. My usual pitfall peeped around the corner. But no, not this time! I accepted the offer and looked forward to it. I felt very honoured and happy about it.

I went upstairs early to prepare and get myself in the right mood. The music I chose was "Terre Celte" by Gwenaël Kerléo (harp music). At 9 pm I started. From the first moment on it felt like more people than usual were there. It was pleasantly vibrant around the little huts. Altogether we walked up the hill. In the east the full moon was rising, in the west the orange-red sun was setting. I noticed Bagheera (my power animal, a black panther) was with me, which made me feel extra comfortable. In front of our temple Yin and Yang, our temple cats, were waiting for us.

We made a circle on the meadow west of the temple. I was sitting with my back to the temple, overlooking the sea in the distance. Bagheera was lying behind me, Yin and Yang were sitting on either side of me. We cast the circle from hand to hand, I could see it manifest beautifully. After calling the quarters I invited the goddess Sulis Minerva in our circle to bless us with her healing powers. The God was invited in his guise as Green Man for strength and perseverance.

The Oak Grove grounding exercise was very powerful. My roots made contact with the roots of everyone around me deep in the earth. We all became one and I didn't want to withdraw my roots. I tried to hold on to that wonderful feeling when I finally did withdraw.

I sat down comfortably in the middle of the circle. Around me everyone was preparing. When they held hands I saw the energy pass through the circle and became part of it. After a while everyone picked up their rattles and drums and started walking. Slowly at first, than dancing and finally running around. The energy built up. When one of them gave the sign, the energy reached to me in a shower of splendid colours. It formed an egg of light around and inside me. Sulis Minerva poured a waterfall of green water over the egg. As the energy rushed through me I felt warm and sparkling. The energy I couldn't take up myself I directed into the chakra crystal I was holding. I stayed in the circle for some time to enjoy the energy, warmth and love I felt. Slowly the egg withdrew into my body and the crystal. Wow......

The cake and wine helped me to become grounded again. Especially for me it was chocolate (I'm a chocoholic *lol*) and appel-lemon juice (I don't drink alcohol). Meanwhile we were talking, getting acquainted and exchanging experiences. After a while it was time to say our thanks and close the circle. We danced and chanted on our way down the hill. There we stayed for some time and sat around a fire. Then the "New-Yorkers" walked into the guest hut and we went in our own huts.

Back in my room I just sat and enjoyed the wonderful feelings. I felt reborn, full of energy. I wrote everything in my Ara-book and went downstairs to tell Ron all about it! I felt blessed and loved after this anazing experience.

Ara Ritual Apart Together

I thought it was a pity we had planned this RAT together with the 2nd soccer match The Netherlands had to play. I even considered doing it earlier, also because I was afraid to be distracted by the noises from the café across from here. But I decided to set my priorities straight, being Ara and Phyllis' friend. We agreed to do a Cone of Power for this friend, who has recently heard she has cancer. We hope to meet her next year at our initiation. This was important to me, so I went upstairs after the national anthems.

I put my headphone on with a meditation CD (Natives by Peter Kater and R. Carlos Nakai, I can recommend it!) and relaxed. I looked at the friend's picture and somehow felt a connection right away. Just before I started I heard people outside cheering "Holland 1-0!!!"; I smiled, but let it go and pass. I put my Mindfoldmask on and started visualizing the Ara-group and the friend. I met the group at the bottom of the hill. It was a wonderful walk up with beautiful panorama. On the meadow just outside the temple we made a circle. I saw Phyllis walking into the temple. I was at the South, facing the temple. During the ritual Phyllis sat down and connected to us. When we evoked the quarters, I made a mistake and started evoking the west. I quickly switched to the south. Oops! :-) During the Oak Grove I opened my chakra's (I have been preparing for Janet and Gavin's workshop and read about this). The Cone of Power started with an amazing visualisation of golden and silver energy meeting in my solar plexus. I saw and felt it going around our circle very strongly. When we picked up our instruments I was in doubt whether it should be my drum or my rattle. I finally picked up the rattle and we started walking around, first slow than faster and faster. When we released the energy we send it up and slightly westward. The energy was very powerful and kept flowing for quite some time. While my hands were up in the ritual, my 'real' hands were on the friend's picture sending her Reiki. We had to regain our breath for a minute and then did the cake & wine. We talked about the Cone of Power, hoped she would benefit from it fully and wished her all the best. We thanked the god, goddess and elements and closed the circle. Afterwards Phyllis walked to us from the temple. She smiled and complimented us. The ritual was super and the energy felt great. Unfortunately she couldn't stay long because of some calls she had to make, so we said our goodbyes and walked down the hill. When I walked into my hut, I was back in my bedroom immediately. I felt good and relaxed.

Downstairs it was half-time and still 1-0. I decided to write down my experiences in my Ara-book immediately, when it was still fresh in my memory. Good decision, but I should have done it on the computer; writing with my bruised wrist wasn't a good idea. Of course I was pigheaded and wrote nevertheless... Then I grounded fully watching the rest of the match with cola and chips! ;-)

Busy, busy weekend

Friday evening I did a Ritual Apart Together with the Ara Lowlands group, all at our own homes. We met in our astral temple. I had been very busy, so my preparation was not that extensive... In the beginning I couldn't concentrate fully, so I did an extra relaxation exercise. That worked, but I had to hurry to catch up with the others. There was a beautiful full moon above the temple (as it was in real life outside). I evoked the Moon Goddess. We charged ourself with the energy of the full moon and directed the rest into a bowl with water.
We made a journey with the purpose to ask the Moon Goddess what we need in the near future. To me it was as if she talked to me from the moon down. I was restless and she calmed me down with her voice. She smiled and suddenly I saw my mum and dad approaching. We hugged and cried from happiness to see each other. It felt so good to be with them, really feel them. We walked along the beach together and then to my meditation spot. Mum and dad sat down and I curled up in front of them in fetus position. Dad sat by my head and mum by my legs. I felt their love and warmth surround me. It was like they were all around me, forming a cocoon of loving energy around me. I felt so good, safe and secure. They whispered to me: stop pushing yourself, take rest when you need it, listen to your body, take care of yourself, we are proud of you, we are always with you. I just relaxed and enjoyed being there. Together we walked back. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I had to. They said it wasn't a farewell, because I can always come back to them whenever I need it.
After a while I returned in the temple, where I just sat and reflected on that wonderful journey. For the cake & wine we used the charged water and mooncookies. We thanked the elements, I thanked the Moon Goddess, we opened the circle from hand to hand deosil, clockwise (normally we do it widdershins, anti-clockwise). We walked down the hill and returned to our own homes.

Saturday Ron and I went to the Elf Fantasy Fair on the grounds of Castle De Haar in Haarzuilens. Every year in April since 2001, around 25,000 people from all over Europe come to this fantasy event which includes fantasy, medieval and witchcraft. Two-third of the visitors transform themselves into orcs, magicians, witches, dragons, knights, vampires, elves, unicorns or a combination of these. There was a lot to see, to do and to buy! We had a great day.
I bought a book featuring the art of Peter Pracownik, who has a remarkable knowledge of myths and legends, especially when it concerns Celts, Saxons and King Arthur. This knowledge has been a huge influence on his art work. It has an aura of magic, enigma and mystery; full of legend and lore. Peter’s work is used for cards, posters, cd covers (Blackmore’s Night), band t-shirts (Grateful Dead), Tarot decks and more. I have his LOTR Tarot. I have always loved a certain pentagram art image, but I didn't know Peter made it! I bought a card and a little tile of it. Peter signed my book.

Sunday we were up early to go to Wonder in Rijen, where we would have a meeting with the team organising the Beltane 2008 celebration. It was a good meeting and we dotted the i's and crossed the t's. We are really looking forward to the gathering!
In the afternoon Ron and I drove with Wonder to Leiden. We were invited to a book presentation of "Het Heksenhuis" by Jacqueline Zirkzee, a historic novel about witches and witches persecution in the 17th century. I have invited her to our Beltane meeting and she gladly accepted to present her book there once again. This was the official presentation of the first book though, with a talk by the publisher and a special dance by 4 dancers. Afterwards we bought the book and let it get signed by Jacqueline.
We drove Wonder back to Rijen. His mother was out for the night, but had prepared dinner for us nevertheless. Yummy!

All in all a pretty busy weekend! A bit too much for me, I'll need some time to recover. I was worth it though!!

TT #76: inspiring people

Thirteen people that inspire(d) / influence(d) me on my path I'm an eclectic witch, which means I don't follow one particular tradition. My path is a blend of ideas from various traditions and sources: the Old Religion, druidry, wicca, shamanism and more. Like in a witch's cauldron I add things to season the brew, spice it up, make it more effective, etc. I like to study other paths and traditions to learn from it. There's always more to know! So many people have inspired and influenced me and/or are still doing so. Here are 13 of them. Phyllis Curott - Of course she's on top of my list. I'm working towards initiation by her in the tradition she founded (Ara tradition) for good reason. It appeals to me and links to my beliefs and ideas on being a witch. Marian Green - I've learned a lot from her in workshops and her many books are very good. I like her approach in teaching, she's very down-to-earth. Michael Harner - Through Phyllis I heard about Michael Harner, an authority on shamanism. Especially his technique of shamanic journeying has enriched my spiritual path. Janet Farrar & Gavin Bone - I've done the Inner Mysteries workshop weekend a few years ago and their books are very interesting. In June I'll attend another workshop with them. Anodea Judith - Inspired me mainly because of her interpretation of the Chakra System for the Western lifestyle. Her books on this topic are the best you can find. I've been to a lecture when she was in The Netherlands. Dusty Miller the 13th - This Tree-Elf and hereditary shaman is the current patriarch of what is believed to be the oldest Elfin Tribe still surviving in the British Isles. He shares and nourishes my love for trees. Walking through the woods with him is a unique experience! Starhawk - Not so much because of her activism or her Reclaiming tradition, but her books are very good to work with. I've been to a workshop by her last year. Philip Carr-Gomm - He combines his role as Chief of the Order of Bards Ovates and Druids (OBOD) with writing, and giving talks and workshops. His Druidcraft Tarot is my favourite deck and I also have the Druid Animal Oracle. Scott Cunningham - His books belong in every witch's library, great reference books, standard works. members of the WhiteshadoW forum - In the beginning of this millenium I discovered the internet. This witchcraft forum was one of the first and the best forums in the Dutch language area. I still know a lot of old forum members, also in real life. Joke & Ko Lankester - A Dutch High Priestess and High Priest in their own wicca coven. I've never met them (yet?), but I use their books a lot. Claudia van der Sluis - This Dutch writer doesn't call herself a witch, but she wrote a few great books on modern witchcraft, that are still very useful. Susan Smit - Another Dutch writer; her book "Heks" (witch) about how she discovered witchcraft was one of the first books I read when I started practising as a witch. Of course there are so much more... Raymond Buckland, Vivianne Crowley, Dion Fortune, etc. etc. Simply not possible to name them all... ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Holly ~*~ Malcolm ~*~ susiej ~*~ Sandee ~*~ Cricket's Hearth ~*~ marcia ~*~ Nicholas ~*~ Anthony North ~*~ Open Grove Claudia ~*~ Chuck ~*~ pussreboots ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Sandy Carlson ~*~ Joely Sue ~*~ Journeywoman ~*~ crazy working mom ~*~ Xakara ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Corina ~*~ Robin ~*~ Darla ~*~ Rian Fike ~*~ Aline de Chevigny ~*~ storyteller ~*~ Nancy J. Bond ~*~ Mama Bear ~*~ Melanie ~*~ Chris ~*~ Lisa ~*~ Julia ~*~ Natalie ~*~ The Bluest Butterfly ~*~ chanpheng ~*~ Julia Smith ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

ARA R.A.T.

ARA what? ARA R.A.T., or Ara Ritual Apart Together. The Journeys Apart Together we did (like this one) are a success, so we wanted to try something a step further: doing a ritual apart in our own homes but together in the astral temple we created some time ago! We prepared everything like we usually do for a real-life ritual together.
Because of personal stuff and stress my preparation was later and less thorough than planned. To get into it more I made a lay-out of the ritual from the several mails we exchanged beforehand. I made a cosy place in my room with a stove, nice blankets, candlelight, incense I got from Sorcha, cake & wine, notebook, etc. There I prepared myself before we started. Of course I made a picture.
We all started at 9pm as planned. It was a very interesting, fascinating experience. Visualizing everyone, everything went so easy; it really was as if the others were right next to me. When we cast the circle from hand to hand I felt the circle buidling up one by one. When we passed energy it felt very powerful; my hands were very warm and tingled. In the grounding exercise I became a tree. My roots went down into the ground, where they met the roots of the other trees in the circle. Six trees, but one ball of roots in the earth, one being, one spirit. It felt wonderful.
For the shamanic journey we planned I had to come back a bit to put on the CD, but it wasn't disturbing me or interrupting really. When I made myself comfortable again I was back in the temple. We were lying in a circle. There was someone drumming for us, but I didn't see him.
The journey itself was amazing. I did the exercise we discussed before. I also discovered a wonderful place. A green spot looking out on the beach, with trees behind me and surrounded by animals. I sat down and meditated with my eyes open. I felt good, at ease. My black panther told me I can always come back to this place when I need to relax and recharge. I know I'll go back there!
I stayed for a while until I had to return to the astral temple. Everyone was waking up quietly. Then all at once everything passed by faster and faster: the cake & wine, the thanking of the elements / God and Goddess, opening the circle. Before I knew it I was back in my room. I made notes and did a real cake & wine for myself.
Wow!

Shadow Workshop

This weekend (friday-saturday-sunday) I attended a workshop by Phyllis Curott for the Ara Lowlands group in Otterlo. The theme was "Dancing with your shadow". In this case shadow stands for the not-so-positive parts of your personality: vices, "negative" emotions, things you hide or deny. Phyllis taught us exercises and gave us tools to retrace, face and embrace them. It was heavy stuff and hard work, but very rewarding! I really had a breakthrough in dealing with the ugly-me-monster. Where years of therapy didn't succeed in changing my distorted body image, a simple (though not easy...) exercise turned out to be the boost into the right direction. A major step. There's still a lot of work to be done in that area, but for the first time I believe I can beat this.
Alongside the hard work we had a great time too! It was good to see Phyllis again, to talk to her and work with her. During the first two workshops the groups were large, now we were with only nine (including Phyllis and our "goddess-mother"). Saturday night we did a wonderful ritual. It was the first time we wore our green robes. We also made several shamanic journeys.
We'll hear a.s.a.p. when the initiation will be. We hope in september / october, but it depends on the deadline of Phyllis' new book.
I was home at half past seven last night. I'm exhausted, but that was to be expected. The fabulous weekend was more than worth it!

TT #68: resolutions

Thirteen 2007 resolutions and the results Last year I did my last TT of December about New Year's resolutions. I started to say why they are a curse. Perhaps I should have stopped right there...! ;-) go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself (read more here) - the Goddess knows I tried, but it is an ongoing struggle... lose weight (what's new..?) - o yes I did! I lost almost 20 kilo's; I just gained them back the last months... *big sigh* bring back regularity in my eating pattern - again, everything I did better in the first nine months I spoiled in the last three months... be more involved in planning and preparing dinner - I tried, but not hard enough. I just hate cooking... exercise more frequently - I did walk as much as possible for some time and I do aquaspinning once a week, but I can't say I succeeded on this point... meditate - I meant outside rituals and special events. Well, rarely if never... drink less Diet Coke - big failure, I drink the same amount or more... work on my Temple of ARA petition - still not ready... spend more time in nature - not as much as I would have liked... be more active again in snail mail projects (PostcardFairies, PostCrossing, etc.) - nah, not really been active there... visit the pet shelter for "cuddle duty" - not done yet, I don't plan to as long as Ron is home from work make time to let the creative juices flow - I wish i had, I still miss it... say NO more often, be assertive - hmmm, yeah sometimes... Not a great score, don't you think? That's why I'm not making any new resolutions this time! Are you brave enought to make resolutions for 2008??? ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ ellen b. ~*~ Malcolm ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Nicholas ~*~ The Gal Herself ~*~ Natalie ~*~ Claudia ~*~ Puss Reboots ~*~ sobeit ~*~ Babystepper ~*~ Lori (single parent) ~*~ Deb ~*~ Susan Helene ~*~ Sandy Carlson ~*~ Lazy Daisy ~*~ Moondancer ~*~ SusieJ ~*~ Rae ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Yen ~*~ sandier pastures ~*~ Sarah ~*~ Zenmomma ~*~ cajunvegan ~*~ mommywah ~*~ Bloggers ~*~ Ornery's Wife ~*~ storyteller ~*~ Wolfie ~*~ Lori ~*~ Nancy Bond ~*~ Dane Bramage ~*~ Michelle O. ~*~ damozel ~*~ Jehara ~*~ Saoirse Daily2 ~*~ Xakara ~*~ SJ Reidhead ~*~ Darla ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Dyeing robes

Saturday I had another meeting with the Ara Lowlands group. We had all taken our robes to dye them together. The colour we had chosen was olive green. We first did Sorcha's robe and mine. My robe is made of heavier material, the others are lighter and Sorcha's is in between. When everyone had arrived we did all the others in the second session. When they were all done, we hung them together on a line outside. The colours are nice, although mine is more army green. On the picture the flashlight changed the colours a bit.

We planned meetings for the next year. In January we'll do the Shadow Workshop with Phyllis. It will be nice to see her again. In October we hope to do the initiation and around those two we planned meetings and journeys-apart-together.

We discussed an idea Sorcha and I learned from Marian Green in her last workshop; to build a group temple on the astral plane, where we can meet in journeys and do rituals and other stuff together. Everyone was enthusiastic, so we discussed how it will look like. We'll go there in a meditation / journey. It's a private place, so I won't tell you how it looks like. One (or two actually) of my additions: two templecats, a black and a white one. :-)

In a little ritual we did a Cone of Power to charge a bowl with little objects on the middle of the altar. Each of us put something in it to be charged with energy. When we need extra energy in the dark and cold ahead we can take our objects to get some. I put my Bast-pentacle in and a little bag with a mini-statue of Kuan Yin.

Afterwards we talked , ate and drank something. Ron and Wonder came to pick me up.