Short update

We are finally living downstairs. Unfortunately I had another blackout last Wednesday. I fell and somehow bumped my head. It turned out to be a concussion. :-( I've been in bed for two days. I feel somewhat better now, but still have headaches and won't be online much.
More later...

Postcard exchange

Two weeks ago I was going through my favourite blogs to keep pace with what's happening. I stumbled upon pictures/scans of postcards from around the world. It turned out to be a worldwide swap of local postcards by bloggers. I offered to take part and sent out cards from IJmuiden, The Netherlands. I already got three in return:

1. St. Louis, Missouri, USA from Mumbo Jumbo
2. Manila, Philippines from Viamarie
3. Melbourne, Australia from Meow

I added the exchange to a new page of my website.

Do you want to exchange postcards with me? Just leave a comment or e-mail me and we'll work it out!

Weekend

Things are finally progressing on the building/moving front. We even set a date to finally go downstairs..! Ron is free on Ascension Day and the day after, so he has a long weekend from Thursday on. On the Saturday we'll be moving downstairs. We'll do our best to get as much ready as possible. The toilet was placed this weekend. Things still to do: living room stove, some painting and whitewash, hallstand, racks for the kitchen cupboards, back entrance hall and lots of little things. So, ambitious plans! We'll see what we can achieve in the short time we have. The online photo album is up-to-date; keep an eye on the last pages to see the progress. :-)

Saturday Ron and I picked up our friend Kitty to go to a linedance evening. Kitty and I have done countrydancing for about 6 years in (IJmuiden and) Heemskerk and our old group organized the party. They hired a live band, Indian Summer. It had been a while, but I've danced as much as possible! ;-) I was sweating heavily and at the end near exhaustion. I had a great time though! Sometimes I just have to do things like this and take the recovery days for granted.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. After I slept until late (Ron was already busy downstairs) we visited mum. We had given her present some time ago: a printed album with pictures of her 70th birthday party. Why wait?
She had gotten a confirmation from the OLVG; she is officially on the waiting list now. They expect the admission to be within two weeks.

Ganpati & SFGA: Indigo

Yesterday Wonder picked me up for the monthly SFGA meeting. We left early because he had to go to Ganpati first. That is a great place on the natural beach in Zandvoort. The ambience is relaxed and friendly. The decor is inspired by the Hindu culture. Wonder is going to work there as a masseur.
We had to walk 15 minutes from the end of the boulevard. The weather was sunny but not too hot. I love to walk along the surf on the beach, sometimes paddling through it (great treat for my feet!).
We talked to the owner and had something to eat. I took grilled salmon, which tasted exquisite. Wonder had satay, also very tasty. Ganpati had a wonderful influence on me: I felt relaxed, stressfree. In a way I didn't want to leave at all! :-)

We were a bit late in Amsterdam, but the rest was waiting for us outdoors. We went inside to listen to our guest Benjamin, who told us about (being one of the) new age children or Indigo-children. Better called Indigo's because there are not just children but also adults. At first I didn't know what to think of the theme, but it was very interesting and I've learned a lot. It's difficult to give a simple definition of Indigo's, but you can read more about it in The Indigo Files. Another website is Indigokind, both in Dutch and English (and German).
It was a very intense and intensive evening; afterwards we needed time to process all of it. I'm very glad I had such a relaxing time before, otherwise it could have been a little too much. It's very interesting stuff and I want to read more about it, but later. I was very tired when I got home.

Tonight I had a wonderful dream. I still remember fragments but when I tried to remember more, I felt there was no need. Not the dream itself was important, but the feeling it gave me. I can recall it right now if I want. It feels something like: relaxed, happy, at peace with myself and the world. That description doesn't do it justice, but it's one of the best feelings I ever had. I see it as a special gift that I can evoke when I need it. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but it's a gift I'll cherish...

OLVG

Yesterday my mother had to do another long function test, this time in the OLVG (hospital where she'll have the surgery) in Amsterdam. I didn't know there was an underground car park, so we went by public transport. My sister accompanied us. We were too early and had to wait. Mum wasn't that nervous before, but the moment we walked into the OLVG she suddenly felt anxious. The last time we were there was for the funeral of her oldest sister; I guess that came over her, along with the nerves for her surgery.
I went inside the test room with her. The test was a bit different than before, and hard. In between tests she got in a coughing fit, but finally the tests were ready. The lung specialist took blood from her pulse to measure the oxygene content. He was very kind and told us his findings straightaway. Thanks to the intake of Prednisone her values were so much better, that he saw no reason not to do the heart surgery. Her lungs are still a risk, but acceptable and treatable. The valve has to be replaced anyhow, so better do it now than later on when the lungs might be worse. She'll hear from the cardiologist next week (probably).
Mum was very relieved and wanted to leave the hospital as soon as possible. ;-) It was great weather so we took a walk in the Oosterpark across the street before we went back.

In Loving Memory of a Dear Friend

Today would have been the 39th birthday of Edwin, the husband of my friend Sophie and a dear friend of us. "Would have been" though… He died very suddenly 3 years ago. On his 36th birthday he was in a coma and almost a week later he died. I often think about him and in these days of May even more. I can still recall exactly what happened (*). It felt (feels) so unfair that the young life of such a good person was taken away. I guess he was somehow needed on the other side…

Sophie is doing a great job in raising their wonderful daughter Denice (only 9 months old when he died) as a single mother. She keeps Edwin’s spirit alive for her. He lives on in Denice. She often sees him at night. He sometimes visits me too. He’ll never be forgotten and so it should be!

Their song was played on his funeral: “I Turn To You” by Melanie C. I already thought it was a good song, but after that it has never been the same. It will always have something extra special. Here are the lyrics.

(*) If you want to (re)read what happened in 2003, read my LiveJournal:
May 8 May 9 May 12 May 14 May 15 May 22

Hortus Botanicus

Today I've visited the Hortus Botanicus in Amsterdam with my sister and 2 friends. We planned it some time ago, but it was a great day: the weather was warm and sunny. Although I wanted to go for a long time, I had never been in the Hortus before. It's a beautiful garden on the edge of the hectic center of Amsterdam with herbs, trees, plants, flowers and greenhouses. The collection is very special, outside but also in the greenhouses. I especially liked the three-climate greenhouse (subtropical, tropical and desert-dry). The herbs, trees... I enjoyed it all! We want to go back around August to see other plants flowering.
After the Hortus visit we went to Esoterica for dinner, a 100% organic vegetarian restaurant. Three of us took the specialty of the house: Indonesian rice meal. Very yummy!!!
I've put my pictures in an album at Flickr.

Update website

I've added a page on being a witch to my website. It's not about witchcraft itself (there are enough websites like that), but about my view on things. My beliefs and the way I experience it. It's not finished yet, but I am content for now.

Occult Beltane

This weekend I celebrated Beltane with a group of people from the Occult Forum. Fridaynight Ron had fixed Wonder's car, so I could ride along with Wonder. First we had to pick up some of his stuff. We were 2 hours too early at the location so we decided to drive on to Bad Bentheim, which was nearby (a few kilometres over the German border). We parked the car and walked around the castle. We had tea in a restaurant above one of the entrances. I really want to go back there to see the castle! Afterwards we did some shopping for the barbecue. The shops in The Netherlands had closed early because of Queen's Day.

Around 4pm we arrived at the scouting clubhouse, where the meeting would take place. After we were welcomed we put our stuff in the dormitory and made up our air-bed. When everyone had arrived the barbecue was prepared under a spacious shelter behind the house. Together we enjoyed the food and drinks everybody brought: yummy!! Wonder had already changed in his ritual clothes when I made this picture: the anachronism set me off in a fit of laughter: a man in medieval clothes using his mobile phone and with one foot on a beer crate!
While some were cleaning up the mess, others made a fire in the circle on the property. It was an ideal place for our ritual; Beltane is the fire sabbath! The ritual was beautiful and felt warm and relaxed. I had a crying fit, because I missed Ron; Beltane is all about god and goddess, man and wife... Wonder helped me by creating a comforting space around me with his healing drum.
Afterwards most of the group stayed around the fire and talked about the ritual and all kinds of other stuff. The fire was warm, but the night got colder. Never mind, the solution was close by! ;-)

I didn't sleep very much; towards sunrise I fell asleep. Although I was awake early I stayed in bed until late in the morning. Outside it was a bit cold, but under the duvet it was nice and comfortable. After breakfast we held a conversation in the circle about dreams and dream explanation. Very interesting! Some people had to go home earlier and with the rest we went for a walk in the wood behind the property. Around 4pm it was time to pack up and go. The fire was out, the meeting was over...
I've had a great weekend, exactly what I needed.

Mum - Acupuncture

My mother got a call from the hospital (OLVG in Amsterdam) yesterday. She has to start with the Prednison today and she is scheduled for another longfunction test on May 10th. She was panicking a bit and didn't know everything the doctor said, so I decided to call him back. He couldn't find a submission date; that's unknown for now, but because she has to start with the Prednison it won't be very long after the test. They want to do another test just to be sure. Her lungs have to be prepared for the surgery in the best way possible.

This morning I had my last acupuncture treatment for the chronic fatigue study. All the results must be discussed and processed. I'll get a report, but it will take some time because the students are having exams at the moment. My own conclusion: they gave me 5 relaxing treatments with short success (hours), but I can't say it really helped against the fatigue. Pity, but at least I've tried.

UWV result

This afternoon I found a UWV envelope on the doormat. The outcome... finally yet sooner than I expected. My hands trembled when I opened it. A short notice: I'm declared 100% unfit to work. Nothing will change.
Wow. Damn. Happy. Sad. Angry. Relieved. Yes! No! All of that and more, alternating and all at the same time. I'm so ambivalent about it, don't know how I feel. So... crying. Then I called Ron, who felt the same. This needs time to sink in.

TV Film

Three weeks ago I got a lunch invitation by e-mail from TV Film, our television guide. The marketing department was organizing a panel discussion to ask the opinions of regular readers, expenses paid. I like that kind of things, so I accepted. Yesterday I drove to Hilversum for it. The group consisted of 6 various readers: subscription or loose, male/female, young/older, etc.
The lunch was very well taken care of with good food, nice drinks, dessert and fruit. Meanwhile we answered questions. Ron and I are very content with the guide as it is; that's why we subscribed a few months ago. Before that we bought it loose since the first issue came out almost two years ago. I enjoyed the discussion and really had the feeling to be heard. Of course they can't guarantee that everything we wanted would be realized, but that's quite normal. You can't please everyone. I've heard some good ideas. For me the only real minus is the lack of broadcast information by the BBC, but that's impossible in a two-week guide. It's not the fault of TV Film though and they are trying to find solutions. What more can a costumer ask? ;)
At the end we got a tour of the editorial office, very interesting to see. In addition to the paid expenses everyone received a handy bag with some nice presents.

Phyllis Curott workshop

Last year I attended the first workshop weekend with Phyllis Curott (I wrote about it here). This weekend was Level 2 (Grail Magic: Visions, Divinations and Divine Inspiration). The location was the Stayokay Hostel in Nijverdal again. I picked up Sorcha and it took us more than 3 hours to arrive there; it's a 2 hour drive... I'm glad we decided to go early, so we were still in time. A lot of people came (much) later. Around 6 pm there was soup with buns.
I was in one room with Sorcha and Sonja. The fourth person had cancelled unfortunately. It wasn't a big room, but we had our own shower and toilet. There were 2 bunk beds, I took one of the beds below. We put some of the stuff we brought in the windowsill.

Friday evening we met in our own big room upstairs to introduce ourselves. The group was around 40 people, some I knew some I didn't. Phyllis introduced herself again. She was honest and showed herself very vulnerable. She had been through a very difficult time, professionally but also privately. Her chalice was empty, as she put it. But she had decided to come and was determined to give her best. And she did!! She is a great person and a great author.
We introduced ourselves by making an acronym of our name, using words that describe ourselves. After I said "C is for cats" I clammed up completely. Others helped me: "O is for open", okay. "R is for..." ehm... respectful; then someone else said "radiant". Who, me?? Well, okay... Then I continued "A is for..." and someone finished: "... acceptance that you are radiant". Hmm, right. I could use some more self acceptance.

We talked about Phyllis' last book, The Love Spell. The reception in the USA wasn't that good: a woman, a pagan high priestess, writing about sex! Such a pity, because the book is about so much more... For me (and others) the book meant a lot in different ways; she was very pleased to hear that. The Dutch translation is very bad, especially the "explicit" parts. The translator (a man!) made them very vulgar, where Phyllis wrote sensual and erotic. Explicit yes, but not vulgar! Some other important parts are even missing in the translation. I've read all her books both in Dutch and English; he first two translations are fine, but the last one is quite the contrary.

I didn't sleep much during the whole weekend. The beds are okay, but I always sleep badly when I'm not next to Ron. I know that beforehand and I take it into account. I wrote a lot and brought magazines with me. I called Ron as often as possible. He has the same problem.

Saturday morning we all put our chalices and other things we brought on one big altar: a centerpiece in the middle, Goddess altar on the left and God altar on the right. It was placed in the west, because we would work with emotions a lot this weekend. The motto was "Know Thyself" and all about trusting yourself and your intuition. A very individual theme, but the group spirit was very present. I can't tell you all of it, but I learned a LOT this weekend about myself, intuition, clues, tricks, divination, symbols, etc. etc. I like the way Phyllis teaches, very interesting with personal involvement.

When I read the first book by Phyllis years ago, I read about the Temple of Ara. The more I read the more I became interested. After the first workshop with Phyllis that developed only more. Initiation in the Tradition of Ara is possible after at least two workshops. Phyllis told about it and asked if we are interested. I certainly am, so is Sorcha. It will be two weekends and the week in between in a remote place, very intensive. We'll hear more about it later, probably next year. I'll have to start saving now, but I know it will be worth it.

Saturday evening we didn't do a ritual like last year. We were invited to visit an oracle, or rather three oracles. One by one we were led into the beautifully decorated room, where three goddesses (Maiden, Mother and Crone) were waiting. I was sent to the Maiden to ask my question. The answer wasn't perfectly clear (like with all oracles), but it sounded very promissing. Downstairs stoos Phyllis to receive us with a hug and friendly words. It was a wonderful experience. Afterwards some of us sat by the fire outside. Later we joined the others in the room where we danced and chanted together.

Unfortunately I started the Sunday with a terrible headache. It had all become to much I guess. After breakfast I attended the first part of the morning, but my headache only became worse. In the break we went outside for a group picture. I presevered for a while, but then I had to go and lie down on my bed. I slept for one and a half hour. When I got downstairs, Eyra gave me Reiki. That made me feel better, but I had to decide to call it quits and go home. I was very sorry to miss the circle in the afternoon, but it was the only wise thing to do. I was so glad to be home!

But, despite the unpleasant ending, I had a very very very good weekend!
(pics made by Sorcha and me)

Almost weekend

Yesterday evening we had a SFGA meeting again. The theme was "herbs & spices". The guest would be De Polderkol, but unfortunately she had to cancel. She'll come another time and/or we'll pay her a visit. Most of us had brought our books on the subject. Very interesting to nose around in other books!
This morning I had my fourth appointment at Rangkuti's clinic. I had rescheduled it to 8.30am, but had to bring Ron to work first. All in all a very busy morning... Pff...
Around 13.30pm I'll pick up Sorcha to go to the workshop weekend by Phyllis Curott in Nijverdal. I'm looking forward to it very much, just wish I wasn't so tired.

UWV

This morning I had another appointment with a UWV doctor (see my previous posts about it here and here). I didn't exactly look forward to it, but Ron had taken the day off so he could come with me again. The doctor recognized Ron from a visit years ago and he is a client of Ron's business. His approach was different. He gave me the time and seemed to take the fatigue more serious. It was hard nevertheless, but I was a bit more at ease with him. The talk lasted around 45 minutes. At the end he couldn't tell me anything yet, he has to consult with the other doctor and staff first. So again... I sit and wait.