My mother got a call from the hospital (OLVG in Amsterdam) yesterday. She has to start with the Prednison today and she is scheduled for another longfunction test on May 10th. She was panicking a bit and didn't know everything the doctor said, so I decided to call him back. He couldn't find a submission date; that's unknown for now, but because she has to start with the Prednison it won't be very long after the test. They want to do another test just to be sure. Her lungs have to be prepared for the surgery in the best way possible.
This morning I had my last acupuncture treatment for the chronic fatigue study. All the results must be discussed and processed. I'll get a report, but it will take some time because the students are having exams at the moment. My own conclusion: they gave me 5 relaxing treatments with short success (hours), but I can't say it really helped against the fatigue. Pity, but at least I've tried.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
UWV result
This afternoon I found a UWV envelope on the doormat. The outcome... finally yet sooner than I expected. My hands trembled when I opened it. A short notice: I'm declared 100% unfit to work. Nothing will change.
Wow. Damn. Happy. Sad. Angry. Relieved. Yes! No! All of that and more, alternating and all at the same time. I'm so ambivalent about it, don't know how I feel. So... crying. Then I called Ron, who felt the same. This needs time to sink in.
Wow. Damn. Happy. Sad. Angry. Relieved. Yes! No! All of that and more, alternating and all at the same time. I'm so ambivalent about it, don't know how I feel. So... crying. Then I called Ron, who felt the same. This needs time to sink in.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
TV Film
Three weeks ago I got a lunch invitation by e-mail from TV Film, our television guide. The marketing department was organizing a panel discussion to ask the opinions of regular readers, expenses paid. I like that kind of things, so I accepted. Yesterday I drove to Hilversum for it. The group consisted of 6 various readers: subscription or loose, male/female, young/older, etc.
The lunch was very well taken care of with good food, nice drinks, dessert and fruit. Meanwhile we answered questions. Ron and I are very content with the guide as it is; that's why we subscribed a few months ago. Before that we bought it loose since the first issue came out almost two years ago. I enjoyed the discussion and really had the feeling to be heard. Of course they can't guarantee that everything we wanted would be realized, but that's quite normal. You can't please everyone. I've heard some good ideas. For me the only real minus is the lack of broadcast information by the BBC, but that's impossible in a two-week guide. It's not the fault of TV Film though and they are trying to find solutions. What more can a costumer ask? ;)
At the end we got a tour of the editorial office, very interesting to see. In addition to the paid expenses everyone received a handy bag with some nice presents.
The lunch was very well taken care of with good food, nice drinks, dessert and fruit. Meanwhile we answered questions. Ron and I are very content with the guide as it is; that's why we subscribed a few months ago. Before that we bought it loose since the first issue came out almost two years ago. I enjoyed the discussion and really had the feeling to be heard. Of course they can't guarantee that everything we wanted would be realized, but that's quite normal. You can't please everyone. I've heard some good ideas. For me the only real minus is the lack of broadcast information by the BBC, but that's impossible in a two-week guide. It's not the fault of TV Film though and they are trying to find solutions. What more can a costumer ask? ;)
At the end we got a tour of the editorial office, very interesting to see. In addition to the paid expenses everyone received a handy bag with some nice presents.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Phyllis Curott workshop
Last year I attended the first workshop weekend with Phyllis Curott (I wrote about it here). This weekend was Level 2 (Grail Magic: Visions, Divinations and Divine Inspiration). The location was the Stayokay Hostel in Nijverdal again. I picked up Sorcha and it took us more than 3 hours to arrive there; it's a 2 hour drive... I'm glad we decided to go early, so we were still in time. A lot of people came (much) later. Around 6 pm there was soup with buns.
I was in one room with Sorcha and Sonja. The fourth person had cancelled unfortunately. It wasn't a big room, but we had our own shower and toilet. There were 2 bunk beds, I took one of the beds below. We put some of the stuff we brought in the windowsill.
Friday evening we met in our own big room upstairs to introduce ourselves. The group was around 40 people, some I knew some I didn't. Phyllis introduced herself again. She was honest and showed herself very vulnerable. She had been through a very difficult time, professionally but also privately. Her chalice was empty, as she put it. But she had decided to come and was determined to give her best. And she did!! She is a great person and a great author.
We introduced ourselves by making an acronym of our name, using words that describe ourselves. After I said "C is for cats" I clammed up completely. Others helped me: "O is for open", okay. "R is for..." ehm... respectful; then someone else said "radiant". Who, me?? Well, okay... Then I continued "A is for..." and someone finished: "... acceptance that you are radiant". Hmm, right. I could use some more self acceptance.
We talked about Phyllis' last book, The Love Spell. The reception in the USA wasn't that good: a woman, a pagan high priestess, writing about sex! Such a pity, because the book is about so much more... For me (and others) the book meant a lot in different ways; she was very pleased to hear that. The Dutch translation is very bad, especially the "explicit" parts. The translator (a man!) made them very vulgar, where Phyllis wrote sensual and erotic. Explicit yes, but not vulgar! Some other important parts are even missing in the translation. I've read all her books both in Dutch and English; he first two translations are fine, but the last one is quite the contrary.
I didn't sleep much during the whole weekend. The beds are okay, but I always sleep badly when I'm not next to Ron. I know that beforehand and I take it into account. I wrote a lot and brought magazines with me. I called Ron as often as possible. He has the same problem.
Saturday morning we all put our chalices and other things we brought on one big altar: a centerpiece in the middle, Goddess altar on the left and God altar on the right. It was placed in the west, because we would work with emotions a lot this weekend. The motto was "Know Thyself" and all about trusting yourself and your intuition. A very individual theme, but the group spirit was very present. I can't tell you all of it, but I learned a LOT this weekend about myself, intuition, clues, tricks, divination, symbols, etc. etc. I like the way Phyllis teaches, very interesting with personal involvement.
When I read the first book by Phyllis years ago, I read about the Temple of Ara. The more I read the more I became interested. After the first workshop with Phyllis that developed only more. Initiation in the Tradition of Ara is possible after at least two workshops. Phyllis told about it and asked if we are interested. I certainly am, so is Sorcha. It will be two weekends and the week in between in a remote place, very intensive. We'll hear more about it later, probably next year. I'll have to start saving now, but I know it will be worth it.
Saturday evening we didn't do a ritual like last year. We were invited to visit an oracle, or rather three oracles. One by one we were led into the beautifully decorated room, where three goddesses (Maiden, Mother and Crone) were waiting. I was sent to the Maiden to ask my question. The answer wasn't perfectly clear (like with all oracles), but it sounded very promissing. Downstairs stoos Phyllis to receive us with a hug and friendly words. It was a wonderful experience. Afterwards some of us sat by the fire outside. Later we joined the others in the room where we danced and chanted together.
Unfortunately I started the Sunday with a terrible headache. It had all become to much I guess. After breakfast I attended the first part of the morning, but my headache only became worse. In the break we went outside for a group picture. I presevered for a while, but then I had to go and lie down on my bed. I slept for one and a half hour. When I got downstairs, Eyra gave me Reiki. That made me feel better, but I had to decide to call it quits and go home. I was very sorry to miss the circle in the afternoon, but it was the only wise thing to do. I was so glad to be home!
But, despite the unpleasant ending, I had a very very very good weekend!
(pics made by Sorcha and me)
I was in one room with Sorcha and Sonja. The fourth person had cancelled unfortunately. It wasn't a big room, but we had our own shower and toilet. There were 2 bunk beds, I took one of the beds below. We put some of the stuff we brought in the windowsill.
Friday evening we met in our own big room upstairs to introduce ourselves. The group was around 40 people, some I knew some I didn't. Phyllis introduced herself again. She was honest and showed herself very vulnerable. She had been through a very difficult time, professionally but also privately. Her chalice was empty, as she put it. But she had decided to come and was determined to give her best. And she did!! She is a great person and a great author.
We introduced ourselves by making an acronym of our name, using words that describe ourselves. After I said "C is for cats" I clammed up completely. Others helped me: "O is for open", okay. "R is for..." ehm... respectful; then someone else said "radiant". Who, me?? Well, okay... Then I continued "A is for..." and someone finished: "... acceptance that you are radiant". Hmm, right. I could use some more self acceptance.
We talked about Phyllis' last book, The Love Spell. The reception in the USA wasn't that good: a woman, a pagan high priestess, writing about sex! Such a pity, because the book is about so much more... For me (and others) the book meant a lot in different ways; she was very pleased to hear that. The Dutch translation is very bad, especially the "explicit" parts. The translator (a man!) made them very vulgar, where Phyllis wrote sensual and erotic. Explicit yes, but not vulgar! Some other important parts are even missing in the translation. I've read all her books both in Dutch and English; he first two translations are fine, but the last one is quite the contrary.
I didn't sleep much during the whole weekend. The beds are okay, but I always sleep badly when I'm not next to Ron. I know that beforehand and I take it into account. I wrote a lot and brought magazines with me. I called Ron as often as possible. He has the same problem.
Saturday morning we all put our chalices and other things we brought on one big altar: a centerpiece in the middle, Goddess altar on the left and God altar on the right. It was placed in the west, because we would work with emotions a lot this weekend. The motto was "Know Thyself" and all about trusting yourself and your intuition. A very individual theme, but the group spirit was very present. I can't tell you all of it, but I learned a LOT this weekend about myself, intuition, clues, tricks, divination, symbols, etc. etc. I like the way Phyllis teaches, very interesting with personal involvement.
When I read the first book by Phyllis years ago, I read about the Temple of Ara. The more I read the more I became interested. After the first workshop with Phyllis that developed only more. Initiation in the Tradition of Ara is possible after at least two workshops. Phyllis told about it and asked if we are interested. I certainly am, so is Sorcha. It will be two weekends and the week in between in a remote place, very intensive. We'll hear more about it later, probably next year. I'll have to start saving now, but I know it will be worth it.
Saturday evening we didn't do a ritual like last year. We were invited to visit an oracle, or rather three oracles. One by one we were led into the beautifully decorated room, where three goddesses (Maiden, Mother and Crone) were waiting. I was sent to the Maiden to ask my question. The answer wasn't perfectly clear (like with all oracles), but it sounded very promissing. Downstairs stoos Phyllis to receive us with a hug and friendly words. It was a wonderful experience. Afterwards some of us sat by the fire outside. Later we joined the others in the room where we danced and chanted together.
Unfortunately I started the Sunday with a terrible headache. It had all become to much I guess. After breakfast I attended the first part of the morning, but my headache only became worse. In the break we went outside for a group picture. I presevered for a while, but then I had to go and lie down on my bed. I slept for one and a half hour. When I got downstairs, Eyra gave me Reiki. That made me feel better, but I had to decide to call it quits and go home. I was very sorry to miss the circle in the afternoon, but it was the only wise thing to do. I was so glad to be home!
But, despite the unpleasant ending, I had a very very very good weekend!
(pics made by Sorcha and me)
Friday, April 21, 2006
Almost weekend
Yesterday evening we had a SFGA meeting again. The theme was "herbs & spices". The guest would be De Polderkol, but unfortunately she had to cancel. She'll come another time and/or we'll pay her a visit. Most of us had brought our books on the subject. Very interesting to nose around in other books!
This morning I had my fourth appointment at Rangkuti's clinic. I had rescheduled it to 8.30am, but had to bring Ron to work first. All in all a very busy morning... Pff...
Around 13.30pm I'll pick up Sorcha to go to the workshop weekend by Phyllis Curott in Nijverdal. I'm looking forward to it very much, just wish I wasn't so tired.
This morning I had my fourth appointment at Rangkuti's clinic. I had rescheduled it to 8.30am, but had to bring Ron to work first. All in all a very busy morning... Pff...
Around 13.30pm I'll pick up Sorcha to go to the workshop weekend by Phyllis Curott in Nijverdal. I'm looking forward to it very much, just wish I wasn't so tired.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
UWV
This morning I had another appointment with a UWV doctor (see my previous posts about it here and here). I didn't exactly look forward to it, but Ron had taken the day off so he could come with me again. The doctor recognized Ron from a visit years ago and he is a client of Ron's business. His approach was different. He gave me the time and seemed to take the fatigue more serious. It was hard nevertheless, but I was a bit more at ease with him. The talk lasted around 45 minutes. At the end he couldn't tell me anything yet, he has to consult with the other doctor and staff first. So again... I sit and wait.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Google Page
Yesterday I got an email from Google. They enabled my Page Creator account to test a new feature. Google Page Creator is an experiment still in early testing phase: a free online tool to create and publish web pages in just minutes using WYSIWYG. I have 100MB to create a website. I've made a start yesterday. I will be adding more of course, any ideas are welcome. It isn't much yet, but for now I present you:
Monday, April 17, 2006
Witchy Girls Night 5
Last Saturday the Witchy Girls did the first extensive ritual. We always cast a circle, but this time we went a step further: walking the circle, cleaning it with the elements, calling the quarters, etc. I called the west (element water) and did the libation with Lothanna. The altar was beautiful as ever.
Tanit guided us in a beautiful pathworking to meet our inner child, wounded child, wise woman (of love & compassion) and wise old man (who has all the knowledge of your life). It worked very well for me. My inner child was very happy and surrounded by animals. She laughed and pointed out of the window; in the distance stood the red deer. I expected my wounded inner child to talk about certain things, but she just told me "I'm so lonely and alone". That surprised me somewhat and got me thinking... The wise woman was just pleasant to be with. The wise old man was my dad and it was great to see him again.
The theme was "Gods". Luna recited Pan in a great way, but for me he was in the circle already. We talked about what each of us has with male deity. Pan is "my" god, there has always been something with him for me I can't explain. He was there, made me giggle and play jokes on the girls next to me. For the funny note Sorcha and Luna had a surprise. Look here! We all ate a piece, I had part of the white top... ;-)
In the cauldron everyone had put a little something that showed her view on god(s). We took another something out of the cauldron. Ron had helped me to make 2 little candles with the male symbol on one side and the god symbol on the other. I had wrapped them in a Robbie Williams picture, couldn't resist. *lol* I got a wonderful little box with a cover of the sun(god); I love it!
At Sorcha's request my brother had designed a Witchy Girl logo to put on a black t-shirt. We liked the idea very much, so we all ordered one. This week the shirts were ready, my brother delivered them at my place and I took them to the Witchy Girls. They look great and everyone was very enthusiastic. We made a group picture in the garden.
Afterwards we had some drinks and snacks. Claudia had made "Haagse Bluf", very airy and delicious! The translation would be something like Hague Bluff. You can find the recipe and an explanation here.
Tanit guided us in a beautiful pathworking to meet our inner child, wounded child, wise woman (of love & compassion) and wise old man (who has all the knowledge of your life). It worked very well for me. My inner child was very happy and surrounded by animals. She laughed and pointed out of the window; in the distance stood the red deer. I expected my wounded inner child to talk about certain things, but she just told me "I'm so lonely and alone". That surprised me somewhat and got me thinking... The wise woman was just pleasant to be with. The wise old man was my dad and it was great to see him again.
The theme was "Gods". Luna recited Pan in a great way, but for me he was in the circle already. We talked about what each of us has with male deity. Pan is "my" god, there has always been something with him for me I can't explain. He was there, made me giggle and play jokes on the girls next to me. For the funny note Sorcha and Luna had a surprise. Look here! We all ate a piece, I had part of the white top... ;-)
In the cauldron everyone had put a little something that showed her view on god(s). We took another something out of the cauldron. Ron had helped me to make 2 little candles with the male symbol on one side and the god symbol on the other. I had wrapped them in a Robbie Williams picture, couldn't resist. *lol* I got a wonderful little box with a cover of the sun(god); I love it!
At Sorcha's request my brother had designed a Witchy Girl logo to put on a black t-shirt. We liked the idea very much, so we all ordered one. This week the shirts were ready, my brother delivered them at my place and I took them to the Witchy Girls. They look great and everyone was very enthusiastic. We made a group picture in the garden.
Afterwards we had some drinks and snacks. Claudia had made "Haagse Bluf", very airy and delicious! The translation would be something like Hague Bluff. You can find the recipe and an explanation here.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Acupuncture part 3
Time for the Rangkuti clinic again, part 3 of 5. This morning I had a headache again, but through the morning it disappeared. I had an appointment at noon. When they checked my pulse, I still had a "pain-pulse". My pulse is always fast and tense. It seems I can't completely relax. I guess that's true, except for when I meditate. I should do it every day, but it never comes of that. I feel too tense to begin meditating, but I should meditate to lose the tension. Et voilà, there's the vicious circle...
The treatment helped me relax, or perhaps I should say: just lying there helped. I knew I wanted (and had) to do a lot more today, but that half an hour was occupied by the treatment. So why not take advantage of it and relax..? It worked, I felt calm afterwards. I drove back quietly. Still wanted to do as much as possible, but one thing at a time... Unfortunately the supermarkets were packed with people doing the last shopping for Easter. It looked as if the shops would be closed for a week! Pfew... glad I'm home, time for a nap!
The treatment helped me relax, or perhaps I should say: just lying there helped. I knew I wanted (and had) to do a lot more today, but that half an hour was occupied by the treatment. So why not take advantage of it and relax..? It worked, I felt calm afterwards. I drove back quietly. Still wanted to do as much as possible, but one thing at a time... Unfortunately the supermarkets were packed with people doing the last shopping for Easter. It looked as if the shops would be closed for a week! Pfew... glad I'm home, time for a nap!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Dusty Miller
Yesterday I went for a special walk in the Vondelpark in Amsterdam. The walk was organized by Jeroen Heindijk of Geronimo's Natural Gallery. He invited Dusty Miller the 13th to walk with us and tell about his family, the trees and Tree Dryads. Dusty is the current patriarch of what is believed to be the oldest Elfin Tribe still surviving in the British Isles, the world's leading authority on Tree Dryads and internationally famous as a Shaman, LiveWood Sculptor and creator of Elfin Art. Click on the links in the preceding lines to read more about all of this; it's very interesting stuff!
Around 25 people assembled in Het Blauwe Theehuis (The Blue Teahouse, no. 4 on this map). The weather forecast wasn't very good, but fortunately all wrong; we had great weather! Jeroen and Dusty guided the walk. We stopped from time to time near a special tree to listen to Dusty and/or Jeroen. Dusty is a very nice and funny man and he's a natural narrator. He had so many interesting things to tell; trying to reproduce that here wouldn't do him justice. If you ever get the chance to meet and walk with him, be sure you take it! I asked one of the others to take a picture of Dusty and me (I was looking straight into the sun, so my eyes are almost shut). I have made a lot of pictures of all the interesting trees we met on the walk. At the end of the day I was exhausted, but it was well worth it!
(click on the "Dusty Miller"-label under this post to see more posts about my encounter(s) with the Dusty's)
Around 25 people assembled in Het Blauwe Theehuis (The Blue Teahouse, no. 4 on this map). The weather forecast wasn't very good, but fortunately all wrong; we had great weather! Jeroen and Dusty guided the walk. We stopped from time to time near a special tree to listen to Dusty and/or Jeroen. Dusty is a very nice and funny man and he's a natural narrator. He had so many interesting things to tell; trying to reproduce that here wouldn't do him justice. If you ever get the chance to meet and walk with him, be sure you take it! I asked one of the others to take a picture of Dusty and me (I was looking straight into the sun, so my eyes are almost shut). I have made a lot of pictures of all the interesting trees we met on the walk. At the end of the day I was exhausted, but it was well worth it!
(click on the "Dusty Miller"-label under this post to see more posts about my encounter(s) with the Dusty's)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Acupuncture part 2
This time I had an appointment at noon. The traffic was quiet and the weather sunny, so I could drive relaxed and easy. I decided to park at the same spot like last week: a company car park nearby.
I didn't have to wait very long. One of the doctors asked how I had been. Well, it was a very stressy week. I was very very tired, slept bad and had a lot of headaches. Not a good week at all... She felt my pulse and looked at my tongue. Later another doctor came in and felt my pulse too. He asked me if I had pain somewhere, because I had what he called "a pain pulse". He was right (I had a headache), but he couldn't have known. How strange they can feel you are having pain in your pulse!?
The first doctor connected me to the machine, same routine like last week. Time to relax... Boy, did I need that! I felt the stress slowly leaving my body and the headache faded. I should really take more time to relax and meditate again. After the treatment I felt a lot better.
I didn't have to wait very long. One of the doctors asked how I had been. Well, it was a very stressy week. I was very very tired, slept bad and had a lot of headaches. Not a good week at all... She felt my pulse and looked at my tongue. Later another doctor came in and felt my pulse too. He asked me if I had pain somewhere, because I had what he called "a pain pulse". He was right (I had a headache), but he couldn't have known. How strange they can feel you are having pain in your pulse!?
The first doctor connected me to the machine, same routine like last week. Time to relax... Boy, did I need that! I felt the stress slowly leaving my body and the headache faded. I should really take more time to relax and meditate again. After the treatment I felt a lot better.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I'm back!
Yay, I'm finally back online! I'll spare you the details, but with lots of help from a friend and a bit from MyCom (I still had guarantee) I am on my own computer again. After struggling with the old laptop and using the computer at my neighbour's that is a big relief! It took some time to put all my backups and programs back, but that's almost ready.
What a stress, what an irritation... I knew I'm addicted, but I found out my computer really is a necessity of life to me... I have a lot of online contact (also with real life friends and family) and I do our financial administration and other stuff on the PC, so I'm very inconvenienced by the lack of it. I am so spoilt!
What a stress, what an irritation... I knew I'm addicted, but I found out my computer really is a necessity of life to me... I have a lot of online contact (also with real life friends and family) and I do our financial administration and other stuff on the PC, so I'm very inconvenienced by the lack of it. I am so spoilt!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Daddy
10 years ago today we celebrated my father's last birthday, his 61st. He was already ill, but we still thought it was a nasty flu. A month later he was in hospital with what turned out to be aggressive cancer, spread all through his body. May 10th he passed away...
I still miss him every day...
I still miss him every day...
Saturday, April 01, 2006
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