Stress and relief

Yesterday Ron had an appointment with his psychologist and later his boss stopped by for a visit. Both went okay but it was a busy and stressful afternoon, so Ron really needed and wanted some distraction. A friend invited us to go to the Comedy Cafe. On Tuesday nights there is Open Podium for stand-up comedians: new talents and professionals that want to try new material. I've been there before and liked it very much. Yesterday was a great night with mostly good comedians. We enjoyed ourselves and Ron was very relaxed.
We were home around 1am. I was very tired, but felt okay. Before I went to bed I had to go to the toilet. When I was leaving the bathroom I got a black-out and fell on the ground. Ron and Wonder put me into bed. I was away for 15 minutes. When I "woke up" I was even more tired and cold, but Ron was warm and I fell asleep very quickly.
This morning I had to go back to the internist. My blood pressure was 160/100, lower than before but that could be because of my black-out. I can drink all tea flavours again, as long as I keep an eye on the ingredients. I'll have to take a medicine to lower the blood pressure. My thyroid values are fluctuating slightly, I have low ferro values and the sarcoidosis is decreasing. Next appointment at the end of March.

Midwinterfair

Yesterday I went to the Midwinterfair, a fantasy/medieval/pagan event in themepark Archeon, with Wonder and his girlfriend. It's a big inside and outside market with shops (stalls), folk concerts, storytellers, workshops, demonstrations, readings, gametournaments, LARP-groups (Live Action Role Playing), etc. in a great setting. The weather had been bad until Friday, but we were lucky; it was not too cold, mostly dry and sometimes even sunny.
We met a lot of friends and acquaintances. I was surprised and happy to see our friend Renée, who had her own booth selling stuff (soap, incense, runes, etc) and promoting Vrouw Holda. Among other things she gives workshops and courses. Wonder and I both picked a rune while asking a question. Her explanation was right to the point and helpful. She made a picture of the three of us. We'll see her again at Yule.
All in all we had a great time. The fair was open until 8pm (we were there at 1pm), so we had time enough to explore. Still we haven't seen everything, but that's okay. Before we left we made some pictures in the brewery in the convent. I posed with a monk. :-)

TT #19: divination

Thirteen methods of divination Divination is the art or practise of foretelling the future (or past) and/or communicating with the supernatural when seeking guidance using different methods. Tarot, the most well-known tool of divination. Often used is the Rider Waite Deck, but there are numerous decks available. I use the Druidcraft Tarot. Runes, an ancient Germanic alphabet often put on stones, pieces of wood, etc. You can buy a set ( I have one), but I want to make my own set. The I Ching, or Book of Changes, is the world's oldest book (approx. 4000 years old) and earliest known intuitive decision-making system, based on the binary logic of yin/yang. Scrying is a method of divination by gazing into the shiny or reflective surface of an object. A crystal ball is the most well-known scrying tool (on this picture you can see mine), but you can also use a black mirror, water, oil, etc. Witch stones, a set of eight natural gemstones painted by hand with symbols of magical tools to throw on a pentagram casting chart. You can buy a set, but I made my set in a workshop years ago. Graphology: handwriting analysis A Pendulum is often used for answers that require a simple yes, no or undetermined answer, but it can also be used with a chart. You can make your own pendulum or buy one. This is mine, made of black tourmaline. Tasseomancy: reading tea leaves, or coffee grinds, or wine sediments. Palmistry or hand analysis Bibliomancy: divination using a book. The book will be opened at a random page and while keeping your eyes closed you will point at a line or passage in the book. Psychometry: the ability to "read" the history of certain objects and/or their owner by holding the object Ouija Board, I mention it because it is known by a lot of people, but I can only give one advice: DON'T! It can be dangerous, especially with unexperienced people who don't know what they are dealing with. In fact almost everything can be used for divination. This list is just the top of the iceberg. If you're interested to read more, just put "divination" in Google and you'll have plenty to explore! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ mar ~*~ Darla ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ Carmen ~*~ scooper ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Terri ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Nancy ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Wicked Witch ~*~ Sophisticated Writer ~*~ Christine ~*~ Mitch ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Lungfunction OK

Today I had to do the lungfunction test and see the lung specialist. I was very nervous and restless. It reminded me of mum, who hated these tests. I've been there with her a zillion times, but never had to do it myself. In a way I think there was some kind of hidden fear also: dad died of cancer that started in the lungs, mum had lungproblems all her life and there are several more relatives with it. I know they all are/were smokers and I never smoked, but still...
I had an appointment at 10.30am, but had to wait for almost an hour! The test itself wasn't that bad, but let's say I understand why mum hated it. I did it wrong a few times, so I had to start over. I got very light-headed and dizzy. After the tests the nurse gave me Ventolin, I had to wait again and then do the tests all over. That didn't make it better, with Ventolin I did worse!
Finally the lungspecialist called me in. He listened to my lungs, looked at my lung scan and went over the test results. Outcome: my lungfunction is good, everything's okay! Pfew....

Bleh...

Doesn't the title say it all..? Beware, I'm not in a happy mood...
I've always loved (the time before) Yuletide. Normally my season's greetings would be ready to be send, the ornaments would be unpacked and waiting for the tree. This year I just can't seem to find the spirit. I don't want a tree, I don't want to decorate. I just want to go to sleep and wake up next year. I miss mum, I miss dad. Yes I know, I'll miss them next year too, but this time of year it's just worse. I feel blue, down, hurt.
Has someone seen the Christmas spirit? Please send it over to save me from this feeling...

23.45u I know it's not all this dark. There are things that I do look forward to. I'll just have to make the best of this time. It's okay to feel sad, as long as I stick to that basic positive feeling deep down inside me. Sometimes it's easy to find, sometimes it's a bit harder, but I know it's there!

TT #18: Sinterklaas

Thirteen facts about Sinterklaas Sinterklaas or St. Nicolaas is an old Dutch holiday / tradition, celebrated on December 5th. Nicholas was born in the fourth century in the village of Patara, at that time in Greece but now situated in Turkey. When his parents died in an epidemic Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships. He died December 6, AD 343 in Myra and was buried in his cathedral church. The anniversary of his death became a day of celebration, St. Nicholas Day. A few weeks before his feast day Sinterklaas arrives in The Netherlands with his steam ship. He is said to come from Spain (Madrid), but nobody knows exactly why he ended up there. His helpers are called "Zwarte Pieten" (Black Petes). When he has arrived Dutch children leave carrots and hay in their shoes for his white horse Amerigo with drawings for the saint. Sinterklaas rides his horse on the roofs of houses. Zwarte Pieten climb down the chimney to take the offerings and leave candy and small gifts instead. St. Nicholas' Day is celebrated on the evening of December 5th with the sharing of candies (thrown in the door), chocolate letters (everyone gets the first letter of their name in chocolate), gifts and riddles. It's been a long journey from the fourth century Bishop of Myra, St. Nicholas, who showed his devotion to God in extraordinary kindness and generosity, to America's jolly Santa Claus. However, if you peel back the accretions he is still Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, whose caring surprises continue to model true giving and faithfulness. You can read and hear traditional and new Sinterklaas songs here and English translations here. Dutch living abroad (and others of course!) can order Sinterklaas goodies and candy at The Dutch Market, the Sinterklaas Shop or HollandByMail. If you want to read more about Sinterklaas this is a website you can visit. ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn & Dragonheart ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Darla ~*~ Carmen ~*~ The Median Sib ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Missy ~*~ el-e-e ~*~ Stephanie ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Chickadee ~*~ Bond ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Leanne ~*~ peppylady ~*~ The Little Woman ~*~ Domestic Goddess ~*~ busy91 ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Kristarella ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Taconcubano ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Temple of Ara

Yesterday evening Sorcha and I went to Den Haag (The Hague) for a meeting with Phyllis Curott. We have done two workshop weekends with her in june 2005 and april 2006. Her method of working and teaching appeals to us very much. Together with some others who did the workshops we are interested in being initiated into the Ara Tradition and be a member of the Temple of Ara, a Wiccan/shamanic congregation and community Phyllis started in 1983.
We received the petition for initiation with the directions and requirements. In fall 2007 (probably) there will be an initiation week (two weekends and the week in between). A month before that the petition has to be ready. It's a challenge, but I really want to do this. Phyllis told us about what she did the past 7 months, explained some things about the initiation and answered our questions.

Things

Yesterday I had a meeting about the aftercare self-help groups for people with eating disorders in Haarlem. One group is already starting, the second is ready and waiting for participants. The third group (for binge eating disorder) is the one I'm going to do, but my fellow leader hasn't been very active since we started. I e-mailed several times until I finally heard something. She said she was still very committed, but since then (again several e-mails later) I heard nothing and she didn't show up at the meeting. I'm beginning to lose faith to work with her and have told that in the meeting. She will be contacted and in the meantime we'll try to find someone else, just in case. I still want to do this group very much!

This morning I had an appointment with the internist. He is very content about how the sarcoidosis is doing. I can walk and use my joints almost like before, yay! He still is concerned though, mainly about my high blood pressure. My diastolic pressure is between 110 and 130, the systolic pressure is 170 to 190. He doesn't want me to drink flavoured teas to see if they contribute to it. He also wants me to do a longfunction test before my next appointment (in two weeks). In addition I had blood taken again and I had to deliver some urine to be tested. It all frightened and disappointed me a bit. I really thought this would be my last appointment for a while, because the sarcoidosis seems to be under control. I know it's good the internist is getting everything checked, in fact I'm glad he does. But still... will it ever stop? Will I ever be healthy again..? I really think I've had enough!

After the visit to the hospital we went shopping in Haarlem. I wanted to buy a new daily planner for 2007, the same I have for this year. The store that had it last year, didn't sell it this year. Now I'll have to go to Amsterdam. I was disappointed again. I had already been putting off buying a planner; it's difficult, because my mum always bought me one for my birthday... I'm thinking a lot about mum, only seems to become more and more. Sinterklaas (a Dutch holiday) is coming and mum always gave me my first chocolate letter. Now I see them in the shops and I just can't get myself to buy one... All this and other things are so making me not look forward to the holidays. I've been sad all day and I've cried a lot. I'm having a headache and slept a few hours during the day. Ron is so sweet, so patient and so loving trying to comfort me. I appreciate it and love him for it, but some pain just doesn't go away. It helps a bit to let it out though. I'm going to bed now and hopefully sleep. Perhaps I'll dream of mum and dad...

TT #17: past life regression

Thirteen points about past life regression Last weekend I've been to a workshop about this theme. Read the post before this one to know more about it. Be serious. This is no stuff to take lightly or play with. If you don't believe in it, just stay out of it. If you do believe, think about it first and take your time to be prepared. Don't learn it from a book, learn from a good teacher with lots of experience. He or she will prepare you in the right way and guide you through the whole process. Never do it on your own; always have at least one other person present, preferably more. It makes it easier if you have experience with meditation and visualisation, so practice - practice - practice! Realize that it is real memory! When you've learned a technique that works, don't alter it! The used techniques work because they are like they are. Don't expect to have been Napoleon or Cleopatra. Chances are you just lived an ordinary life as a peasant or something like that. Never use drugs or alcohol to "improve" the experience. They influence you in a wrong way, because you're no longer in control. You are in an altered state of consciousness, but you should still be in control at any time. Past life experiences are no excuse for bad behaviour in this life. They can explain some things, but you still need to work on it. It can help you to make connections, explain things and/or recognize things about yourself in this life. You can meet someone that you know in this life too. That is certainly possible, but not likely with everyone you might think. Take the time to come back and be grounded again by eating and drinking something. You need aftercare: talk about it, write it down. Don't rush into other activities. Past life is private and personal. You should never pass judgement on someone else's experiences. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone that celebrates it! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ DK Raymer ~*~ kontan ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Lisa ~*~ The Mistress of the Dark ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Nadiah Alwi ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Gabrielle ~*~ colleen ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Jen ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Alison ~*~ crse ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Mikala ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ Laurence ~*~ Brony ~*~ TopChamp ~*~ Lilize ~*~ she ~*~ Bond ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Mitch ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Brit ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Marian Green Workshop Weekend

Last Friday I left in the afternoon for a workshop weekend with Marian Green, organized by the Dutch division of the Pagan Federation. The location was a Stayokay hostel in a beautiful lane in Arnhem. The normal travelling time would be 75 minutes, but because of traffic jams it took me twice that long. I had taken that into account, so I arrived approximately at the expected time, around 5pm.

The group wasn't as big as in the other workshop weekends, I think there were about 25 people. Most of them I had already met at other weekends, workshops, meetings etc. I shared my room with 2 others. Our 4th roommate had taken her own camper to sleep in. I didn't sleep too bad. I missed Ron very much all weekend, but I called him as often as possible.

Marian Green is an author who has been working in the field of ceremonial and folk magic since the early 1960s. She also organises a conference in the UK every March since 1968 to bring together (neo-)pagan writers and their readers, the Quest Conference. She has written more than a dozen books on ceremonial magic and witchcraft. She is the editor of Quest magazine, published since 1970. She teaches at The Invisible College and runs workshops in and outside the UK. I have several of her books and I like her approach very much.

We had our own big room with a very nice view. The theme of the weekend was "Inner Journey and Past Life Regression". Very interesting, but not something to take lightly. Therefore Marian provided us with a lot of theory and knowledge. We did several exercises to train certain elements. We looked into the advantages and dangers of past life regression. Eventually we used two different techniques, different but both effective. I have been back to two past lifes, quite an experience!

It was an intensive workshop mentally. It took me a lot of effort to keep concentrated and alert, but it was very much worth it. In between sessions I went for a walk in the surroundings of the hostel. The autumn is such a beautiful season! The trees have sensational colours. This one was down the street. Behind the hostel was a wonderful footpath. When I was standing still for a while this tree (the one in the middle) gave me a yellow leaf, that I've put in my daily planner.

Sunday after lunch it was time to say goodbye to old and new friends. We wanted to take a group photo, but a lot of people went home immediately and Marian didn't want to join us. Pity!
The journey home took a lot less time. I was so happy to see Ron again, and the cats and dogs! I'm very very tired, but I don't care. I'll take my rest and look back on a great weekend!

TT #16: sports

Thirteen sports I like to watch soccer, esp. World and European Championships (Dutch National Team) speedskating, allround and sprint cycling, esp. Tour de France (Lance Armstrong) figure skating darts car races esp. Formula One and rally tennis, esp. Grand Slam tournaments athletics gymnastics skiing, all disciplines swimming (Pieter v.d. Hoogeband, Inge de Bruyn) equestrian sports, but no horse-unfriendly ones! Olympics, I love to watch all the sports! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Eveline ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ amy ~*~ suki ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Silver ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Darla ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ Barb ~*~ Di ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Will ~*~ Ghost ~*~ tbirdonawire ~*~ Miranda ~*~ Mom's Secret Life ~*~ Crazy Fat Chick ~*~ Shaylondon ~*~ Missy ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Brit ~*~ JohnH985 ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Robbie DVD

Yesterday I've bought the new Robbie Williams DVD "And Through It All". It contains over 50 live performances from 1997 to 2006. Robbie live on DVD is the next best thing after going to a concert yourself. From his first Paris show in 1997 to the global stadium stages of today, And Through It All follows Robbie’s journey up the ladder of superstardom. Slane Castle, Knebworth, Live 8, special TV performances... It's all there. An amazing DVD (2 discs) from an amazing singer/entertainer!

Late Halloween

Last Friday Lothanna organised her annual Halloween Party. This time it was a bit later, because it also was a house warming. Lothanna and her boyfriend live together now in an appartment in Den Haag (The Hague). It is a nice and cosy appartment and they have furnished and decorated it with beautiful things. Ron and I bought a basket with a plant in it and I made a card to go with it.
Last year Ron didn't want to come along, but this time I managed to persuade him. He just wore black clothes, but that was okay (he looks gorgeous in black anyway!). Here's a picture of me. I wore the blouse I bought at Castlefest this year with... don't be shocked... a black skirt. Yeah, can you believe I bought a skirt for myself?? Unfortunately it's not visible on the picture. I bought it with Ron in the afternoon, he convinced me. The last skirt/dress of my own was my wedding dress in 1995. :-)
It was a very enjoyable party, but Ron and I were both very tired so we left around midnight.

TT #15: TV-series

Thirteen favourite TV-series (fiction) Star Trek - all the series, but especially The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager Charmed CSI - all, but especially the first one (Vegas) & NCIS & JAG Bones Buffy & Angel paranormal series like The Ghost Whisperer and Medium hospital series like ER English detectives like Miss Marple, Hercule Poirot X-files The 4400 science fiction series like V, Babylon 5, Stargate police series like Tatort (with Schimanski, German), Baantjer (Dutch) mini-series like The 10th Kingdom, Merlin ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Barb ~*~ Wendy ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ mommyba ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Ally Bean ~*~ Tizzie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ AnnaMary ~*~ Bond ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ Missy ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ Tammy ~*~ The Imperfect Christian ~*~ MommaBee ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ Christine ~*~ sam ~*~ Susan ~*~ Mert ~*~ alisonwonderland ~*~ Kailani ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Good news

This morning I had an appointment with the eye specialist. She did several tests, but everything is okay with my eyes. No sign of sarcoidosis there. Hooray! To see that she had to drop something in my eyes to keep my pupils big. That hurt! It should last for 2 to 3 hours, but it was a great nuisance to me until later this afternoon. Ah well, everything for the good news! Next week I'll have my blood tested again. The week after that I have a new appointment with the internist.