BF but not Forever...

Once there was a man I called my best friend (after Ron of course) but no more... His ideas about friendship turned out to be very different from mine. How mistaken could I be...

We have been friends for quite some years. Last year he finally found the love of his life. I couldn't be happier for him! Of course that changed the friendship a bit, but that was to be expected and fine with me. The contact was less frequent, but our bond seemed as strong as it had always been. At the end of January I went to visit him for a day and we had a wonderful day together. A few days later he called, panic-stricken by a certain problem. Ron and I talked to him and calmed him down a bit. I was worried, but he said he'd go to his girlfriend so he would be okay. I asked him to let me know how it would work out.

After this I didn't hear anything from him for weeks. I tried to call several times, several numbers. Nothing! I was confused, but decided to give it some time. He obviously needed that. I sent him an invitation to Ron's birthday, like we did to all our friends. He didn't show up, didn't call, no card, nothing... Last Saturday I sent him a normal e-mail, asking him what was going on. I was still worried. Yesterday evening I got a short and cold answer. He had no use for other people's misery. He would contact me again when he would be in need for it. O yes, and a congratulatory message for Ron. All in two lines. I was speechless, hurt, flabbergasted, in shock, stunned, baffled... name it what you want, I think it's clear...

After a lot of crying I decided to send him an answer: "If that's your idea of friendship, I have no need for it. I'll make it easy for you. I break off all contact permanently. Pity it has to end this way, but this seems to be what you want. So be it." It hurt to make it so short and cold. It hurt(s) to do it at all, but I had to do it for self preservation. I can handle a lot from people I love, I accept a lot, but there are limits. People must go very far to reach them, but he did. It's over, irreversibly. But damn it, it hurts like hell!

I could give you gossip, slander or do some mudslinging and backbiting. I won't. That's not the person I am. I can't hate him (yet?). I hope he is happy. Might sound strange or misplaced but I mean it...

Seidr themeday about divination

Yesterday I attended a seidr-themed workshop about divination / oracle "under the mantle" with Linda Wormhoudt in Amsterdam. It was a very interesting day. Linda told us a lot about the methods of divination used in Northwestern Europe. It is too much to share it all, but I'll let you take a peek. :-)

For example, Útiseta/útisetta literally means "sitting outside" and 'sitja á haugi' means "sitting on a burial mound". The practitioner or 'vala' retreated to a place in nature, covered herself with a mantle, blanket or animal skin and just sat there. Singing and praying she tried to get into contact with the dead (ancestors) to seek information and/or advice. Unknown how long exactly, she just came back when she had an answer.

We tried it ourselves. At first I didn't feel comfortable at all covering myself. I struggled to find the right position for me. Then suddenly I found it and I surrendered myself. I had gone in with a question and almost immediately I got answers, or at least tips / clues. I can't really ecplain, you have to experience it!

Sitting "under the mantle" I encountered an unexpected 'guest'. Next to me a polar bear showed up and offered to be my power animal. He said I needed him in this time of my life and he'd be happy to help me. Wow, I didn't really know what to say... I never heard of someone getting a power animal this way, but of course I'm honoured. I've always been fascinated by bears and a polar bear is really special. I don't know what it stands for exactly, but I'll look it up later. For a moment I saw myself walking with a female black panther on one side and a male polar bear on the other. Magnificent, I'm privileged!

After lunch we did some other experiments and exercises with other methods of Nordic divination. At the end of the day I was exhausted, but it was well worth it!

Cat-Library™

If I had enough space I'd love this, and my cats would too! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ron and I never really do something special for Valentine's Day. It's nice to celebrate love, but you should do that every day of the year! It has become a very commercial day: 'buy her this', 'buy him that', etc. I don't want anyone to buy me flowers too. Don't get me wrong... I love flowers, but alive in nature where they belong! They don't have to slowly die for me in a vase, that just makes me sad. Ron gets me presents quite often, so I really don't mind if he forgets all about this Valentine's Day.

Having said all that..... Sometimes you have to set aside your principles and surprise your loved one with an unexpected move... So tonight we are going out for a Valentine's Dinner Date that I secretly booked two weeks ago! He was surprised indeed when he opened the card I made with the image above (Love is... going out for dinner together).

Happy 12th Birthday, Foofur!

Today is Foofur's 12th birthday. In his honour I made a slideshow with some random pics of my little friend. It seems like yesterday that we met in the pet shelter where I volunteered. It was love on first sight for both of us. He sat on my hand, can you believe it? I have pics of when he was little, but they are analog and I've got no idea where they are. So for now the digital pics will have to do!

Happy Birthday, Foofur!

Blessed Imbolc

Brighid's Well in Kildare, Ireland

Imbolc is the feast of Brighid. The Irish goddess Brighid is the keeper of the sacred flame, the guardian of home and hearth. To honour her, purification and cleaning are a wonderful way to get ready for the coming of Spring. That means cleaning your house, but don't forget yourself! Meditate on what you would like to see grow in health and strength this year (for yourself, your family, friends, nature, Earth) and ask for Brighid's blessing upon it.
In addition to fire, Brighid is a goddess connected to inspiration and creativity. You can make your own Brighid’s cross(es) and hang them near doors and windows to protect home and hearth, or in the kitchen where her influence can bless your food.

My plan was to celebrate Imbolc with my coven, but unfortunately that had to be cancelled. I had made preparations for the ritual, so I'll just have to adapt those to do it by myself tomorrow. I have also found a wonderful guided meditation, an inner journey to meet Brighid. I have started a major personal 'purification' and I'd love her blessing upon it! I'll honour her with a Brighid's cross and by making slemp, an old Dutch milk drink.

Did you celebrate Imbolc, or are you going to?

May Brighid's fire light your path

and her blessings be upon your home & hearth!

Edit Febr. 2: Pictures of my slemp, Brighid cross and doll can be found in my Facebook album "Pagan Stuff".

Update

A few weeks into the new year, everything back to normal. You asked me how I'm doing. Well, I feel fine! I really think it was the right time to quit taking antidepressants. The first weeks I felt a bit weird, like I had a big fog inside my head. Slowly the fog faded away. The most significant change are my feelings. I got to know peaks again, up and down. My feelings are more intense. I laughed out loud, cried a river and got really mad! When I was having my period last week people around me suffered from my temper. :) In the beginning it was all a bit too much, but I already feel a balance coming. It feels good to feel real again. It doesn't feel strange at all, it feels very familiar. The old me is waking up and I welcome her back with open arms!

I also started working on my weight again. I don't diet, I pay more attention to my food intake and regularity. Everything is allowed, but in moderation. The first week went very well and the reward was huge: I lost 7 kg (15,4lbs)! Of course that was a bit much and a lot of water, but still nice. The second week I got my period and gained 0,5 kg. Ah well, the average is still good. ;-) I have to (want to) persevere anyway, because I have quite some weight to lose. I don't have a goal weight, more a goal size. I'd like to have size 44 (Dutch size, equals UK-size 18, US-size 16) again, so I can buy clothes in common stores. A long way to go, wish me luck...

Last post of 2010!

The last weeks I haven't been posting much. Don't worry, I'm still here! I've been busy with some major issues in my life. I won't beat around the bush... In a very sneaky way the eating disorder monster found its way back into my life. I hate to admit it, but it's true. Good news is I'm fighting back with all I've got! It is hard, but I'm more determined than ever to get rid of it once and for all...
Another big decision: I decided to try a life without anti depressants. They've helped me in the past and I'm glad they did. After I forgot them for a week (yes, really forgot!) and didn't even really notice it I decided to give it a go. So you see... major issues...

This morning I walked a labyrinth on a foggy beach and it was magical! The fog in my head is slowly clearing away. It will take some time until the ad remainders left my body completely. I asked some guidance in the labyrinth.The answer was clear enough: have faith! So that's my intention for 2011...

To all of you: blessings and all the best for 2011. May your best day of 2010 be your worst in 2011! :)

For Ron

Our love started off on rocky ground

But together we stood tall

Because the love we found

Can really conquer all!

If it wasn’t for you

I wouldn’t be here

The reverse is also true

We just need each other near

Together we are strong

Two halves of one heart

Friends, lovers, soul mates all along

A bond never to fall apart

All the words in all the books can not describe my love for you

So it will take all of my life and more to prove you that it’s true


~*~*~*~

Today is our wedding anniversary, we got married 15 years ago. We are together for 24 years though. I remember that beautiful day back in 1995. Very cliche perhaps, but it really was the happiest day of my life...

Each day I love you more

I love you more than I did yesterday

But less than I will do tomorrow

Forever!

BBC Booklist

I encountered this list again (on Facebook) and finally decided to see how I did and post about it. :)

So the BBC (anno 2003) believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here. Bold the ones you've read, and italicize the ones you've read parts of but didn't finish.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (my all-time favourite book!)
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible (Roman Catholic school and upbringing)
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare (yep, all of it!)
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
24. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
25. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
26. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
27. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
28. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
29. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
30. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
31. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
32. Emma -Jane Austen
33. Persuasion - Jane Austen
34. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis
35. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
36. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
37. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
38. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
39. Animal Farm - George Orwell
40. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
41. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
42. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
43. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
44. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
45. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
46. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
47. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
48. Atonement - Ian McEwan
49. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
50. Dune - Frank Herbert
51. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
52. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
53. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
54. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
55. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
56. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
57. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
58. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
59. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
60. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
61. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
62. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
63. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
64. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
65. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
66. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
67. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
68. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
69. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
70. Dracula - Bram Stoker
71. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
72. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
73. Ulysses - James Joyce
74. The Inferno - Dante
75. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
76. Germinal - Emile Zola
77. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
78. Possession - AS Byatt
79. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (still read it every year)
80. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
81. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
82. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
83. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
84. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
85. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
86. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
87. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
88. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
89. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
90. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
91. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
92. Watership Down - Richard Adams (love it!)
93. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
94. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
95. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
96. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
97. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
98. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Not 100 because in the original list there were several Harry Potter books, now it's one. The winner was The Lord Of The Rings and I couldn't agree more!

Wow, I got 70 out of 98! I didn't read all of them in English, but also in Dutch of course. I always try to read a book in the original language if possible (mostly English, some German and French).

How did you do??

Disneyland Paris

Thursday Ron, Joke and I returned from a 4-day/3-night stay in Disneyland Paris. We had a fabulous time! Because of the snow and x-mas decorations it was a true winter wonderland. So beautiful... We stayed in the Santa Fe Hotel in a simple but well-equipped room with double beds, decorated in Cars-style. A shuttlebus service was available to go to the parks.

The first day we left early, because it was a 500 km (310 mi) drive. When we arrived we moved into the room, unpacked and rested for a while. We decided to take the bus to the parks to look around a bit. Joke had been there before with Leo, so she knew where to go. The parks were covered with snow. Around 5pm the Once Upon a Dream Parade started, my absolute favourite thing to do (watch). Main Street looked wonderful. A few times my eyes filled with tears of sheer happiness. Finally there, as I've always wanted ever since the opening in 1992... My inner child enjoyed herself to her heart's content!

After an early night and deep sleep we had an early breakfast, so we could leave for the parks early too. Guests of the Disney hotels are allowed early access before opening hour. The first thing we did was Space Mountain. Holy moly, that was quite a ride! I loved it, although I was a bit unstable when I got out. Some attractions were closed because of the weather and/or refurbishing. We did all we could and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. From thrills to wonderful attractions like "It's a Small World" and "Peter Pan's Flight". It was very tiring but I walked on adrenalin! We never had long waiting times; that's the benefit of going on weekdays outside holidays. For dinner we had booked the Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show. Great entertainment and the food was good (except for the cold potatoes).

Wednesday we 'did' the Walt Disney Studios Park. That one is smaller but also great in a different way.The absolute tophit was The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror! Woohoo! Inside it looked spooky and the ride was awesome. The Moteurs... Action! Stunt Show Spectacular was abridged because of the snow, but still spectacular. It was very cold on the grandstand, so after the show we had some hot chocolate and went into the theatre to get warm again. When we had seen what we wanted, we walked to the other park again to shop and of course watch the Parade again. I bought and got some wonderful Tink-stuff! We had dinner in The Steakhouse about which I can be brief: a big disappointment, not something I'd recommend. But we didn't let that spoil our fun too much! We returned to the hotel, very tired (and Ron with painful knees) but very satisfied after another great day.

Thursday we decided to skip the parks and drive home early because the weather forecast was bad. The homeward journey was long. In France and Belgium it wasn't that bad, but in the Netherlands we fell into an early traffic rush hour. We were home around 6pm. First we picked up the dogs at Ron's sister; they were so happy to see us! I had missed them a lot, and the cats too. We ordered dinner in and talked about our adventures. What an experience, what an amazing time...

A selection of our (800+) photos are in my Facebook album "Eurodisney December 2010".

Catching up

The last few weeks have been very busy. First Ron had a very nasty flu. Just when he was recovering he got an acute cystitis, which is very painful especially for a man. On top of that his knees are aching again. In between all of that Ron is working hard to get his own business going.

A friend invited Ron and me to celebrate Samhain with a group we know from a pagan forum and former meetings. First it wasn't possible because I had a ritual planned with my coven on Saturdaynight, but that was delayed. In the evening we did a beautiful ritual and afterwards there was a Halloween party in the big hall. Everything was decrated and looked great. I wore a Caspar the Friendly Ghost mask and a witches' hat. Ron stayed up late, but I went to bed earlier because I was very tired.

November 16th I went to the first viewing of the Take That documentary "Look Back Don't Stare" in Theater Tuschinski in Amsterdam. It's about Rob's return to the boy... eh... manband. I had won tickets! If you're interested in Ron and Take That I can recommend it. At times I was surprised there eventually came a cd. :) I understand why Rob has so much fun being back with the boys. If this is the way for him I'm okay with it. I already bought a ticket for the concert in the Amsterdam Arena on July 18th next year and I'm looking forward to it!

Last weekend I spent another weekend in a yurt with the Lowland Systers. This time it wasn't as cold as early this year. We had a wonderful time! The first day we used to catch up with each other and make plans for the weekend. Saturday we slept in. I woke up at half past 10! The last weeks had asked a lot of my energy, so I had to use the weekend to recharge my battery. In the afternoon we did some magical groupwork and when it was dark we walked into the woods to do our ritual. We found a stump that was perfect to use as an altar. Afterwards we had dinner in the yurt. It's such a great accomodation! It has a lovely atmosphere, especially by candlelight. Sunday morning we packed our bags and said our goodbyes. We already have plans to return there next year. :) You can see my pics in my Facebook album "Yurt 2".

Farewell to Bagheera

In 2008 I introduced Bagheera the black panther (leopard) to you in this blogpost. I adopted her through Big Cat Rescue. Now it's time to say goodbye....

BAGHEERA
born: March 1, 1989
died: November 10, 2010

She lived far longer than most of her kind do, but that doesn't make it easier to let her go... I cried... I really loved her from afar...

Bagheera came to Big Cat Rescue from Oklahoma on May 27, 1995 with Adonnis, another black leopard. They were both declawed and being kept as pets. Their owners then moved and didn't have room for either of them at their new location.
Adonnis and Bagheera, the two roommates, were able to spend their days together in a very large cat-a-tat built especially for them as a contest prize won by Julie Hanan, a Big Cat Rescue volunteer. They were located in an area of the sanctuary that isn’t accessible to all volunteers or guests.

A slideshow was also created when they were re-introduced and began life together again in their new, larger cat-a-tat. That can be viewed here. The video below will give you an opportunity to see just how playful and affectionate they were with each other.

Sadly, Bagheera was left without Adonnis when he passed away on January 13, 2010. Her health continued to fail and the people at Big Cat Rescue said a tearful goodbye to her as she joined Adonnis over the rainbow bridge, finally free, after living 21 years in captivity.

text by Big Cat Rescue

Please support Big Cat Rescue if you can, they do GREAT work! Every donation helps! They are also on Facebook, Twitter and other networking websites.

Blogblast for peace 2010

Today I'm joining hundreds of bloggers across the world in a movement called "Blogblast For Peace". Bloggers will unite in a global cry for peace in this annual event. One day. One voice. All it takes is one post. Won't you join us?

This is the third time I'm participating in Blogblast for Peace. I chose quotes that emphasize that peace on earth starts with peace within. The dove doesn't need explanation, and the Tink in outline is my personal touch. I hope you like it!

Blogblast for Peace links
BFP website
info on Mimi's blog
eventpage on Facebook
fanpage on Facebook

Finally found!

I finally found my black panther statue! After years of looking, searching, asking... The black panther is my power animal or totem for as long as I can remember. I really wanted a nice statue, but most I found showed an angry panther, often with open mouth. I know they are predators, but still I was looking for something else. A few weeks ago I was surfing the web when I encountered BlackPantherAnimals.com. Wow, a paradise for black panther fans like me (they also have other animals though). After some consideration I decided to buy Black Panther On Rock and Tiny One. The postage costs startled me as always from the USA to here, but I really wanted to have this. Now that I found her, I couldn't let go... I'm very happy!
Bastet shows you how big it is: