All Souls' Day

A few weeks ago I got a letter from the Roman Catholic church my mother attended. It was an invitation for the special mess on All Souls' Day (yesterday). They send this to the relatives who lost a loved one in the last 12 months. I immediately knew I wanted to go. I've been to the mess with mum on All Souls' Day in 1996, the year my dad passed away. Now I felt like going too, for mum and for myself. Later Joke decided to go with me.
It was strange to be in mum's church without her, although she was there in spirit. Every time I went there it was with her or for her, to pick her up after she had been cleaning there or drink something when she was hostess in the parish center. I expected her to walk around a corner any minute. We burned candles in the little chappel near the entrance, where the little cross with her name is hanging. It will hang there for a year and then we'll get it.
The mess was a bit long, but beautiful in a certain way. The priest spoke very personal. For every deceased church member a white candle with a name card in calligraphy was lit by the big Easter candle. The name and age were said out loud. That was a very emotional moment. At the end of the mess the relatives could get their candle. I have mum's on the mantelpiece next to her picture. Mum kept dad's candle and burned it at special occasions. I'll put their candles together and perhaps burn them next Samhain.
After the mess I wanted to light a candle in front of the Maria altar, for me that equals a goddess altar. Mum has regularly lit candles for me there. We drank tea and sat with my uncle Cor and aunt Corrie for a while. They were very kind and interested. Leo picked us up.
It was good to go. I know mum would have appreciated it very much and it felt like some kind of closure to me. The pain will never go away completely, I still miss mum and dad every day. I want to focus on their lives though, the memories I'll cherish, the love that never stops...

TT #14: looking back

Thirteen highs and lows of the last year Samhain is the pagan New Year, a time to look back and reflect... (Dec. 1-5) mini-vacation to München (Munich) (Dec. 14) 10th anniversary of our marriage (Feb. 10) Mum's 70th birthday party (Feb. 23) Heathcliff's death & (Aug. 14) Poemel's death (April 21-23) Phyllis Curott workshop weekend (May 27) moving downstairs after 4 years of rebuilding (June 14) mum's death to (June 19) mum's cremation (June 22) my first Robbie Williams concert in Amsterdam (June 24-25) Litha celebration on the Brookberg (July 8) full moon ritual on the beach of Zandvoort (Aug. 23) arrival Freyja & (Sept. 8) arrival Bastet (Sept. 14-17) weekend in London with RW concert in Milton Keynes (Oct. 20 - now) my sarcoidosis ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ K T cat ~*~ Tammy ~*~ Olive ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Ghost ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Gail Martin ~*~ Julie ~*~ Skeezix the cat ~*~ Friday's Child ~*~ crse ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ Lisa ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Silver ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Momma Bee ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Danielle ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Blessed Samhain, Happy Halloween

A year of beauty. A year of plenty.
A year of planting. A year of harvest.
A year of forests. A year of healing.
A year of vision. A year of passion.
A year of rebirth.

This year may we renew the earth.
This year may we renew the earth.

Let it begin with each step we take.
And let it begin with each change we make.
And let it begin with each chain we break.
And let it begin every time we awake.

(Chant from the Reclaiming Samhain Celebration - listen to it here)

Yesterday evening Sorcha organised a Halloween Movie Night. This time we had chosen to watch "The Others" with my favourite actress Nicole Kidman. It isn't a frightening movie although it has its scary moments. In fact it is a wonderful story from a different perspective. If you haven't seen it, I can recommend it. We also made an ancestor altar in honour of Samhain. I brought a picture of mum & dad. When I took the picture, unfortunately some had already taken their pictures back. I planned on doing a meditation, but when I got home I was too tired.

Health update

Yesterday the internist called me back. He first told me what I already knew: it definitely is sarcoidosis. The values in my blood showed it and the rheumatologist agreed. He doesn't want to give me prednisolon because I already have high blood pressure and a very sensitive skin. I'm glad, I don't want prednisolon. The diclofenac is working good enough. I can walk better and the imflammations are less painful. Thursday I was worried because I started coughing a lot. The internist had seen some enlarged lymph nodes on my lung x-ray, so I have to be careful and pay attention. Luckily it seems to be just a cold. Nevertheless I bought echinaforce with vitamin C today for a better resistance and camomile tea for my sore throat. Better be on the safe side!

TT #13: Halloween

Thirteen facts about Halloween The name Halloween comes from The Eve of All Hallows --> All Hallows Even --> Hallowe'en. Witches call this holiday Samhain (say SAH~win). October 31 is the eve of Samhain (Halloween), November 1 the day of Samhain. The holidays of the Celts start at the evening and last the following day. Samhain is the pagan New Year's Day. The wheel of the year starts a new round. At this time the veil between world of the living and the world of the dead is very thin. We use this to honour our ancestors, our beloved dead. They could return to visit us, to help or give advice. There is no need to be afraid of the spirits of the dead. In ancient times, people set light in hollowed-out turnips to guide the spirits of the dead, and put out food as an offering. The lights have become the jack-o'-lanterns carved in pumpkins. Trick-or-treat candy comes from the food offering. The spirits of the dead turned into the ghosts, skeletons and scary monsters in the decorations and costumes. It is an excellent night for divination (tarot, runes, pendulum, etc.). At Samhain we call the Goddess the Crone. She is the Old One, the aspect of the Goddess that teaches us wisdom, that helps us let go when we need to change and grow. Letting go is a natural but difficult part of life. We invoke the Horned God, the stag whose antlers are fully developed. He represents the animals that give away their life so others can be fed. He reminds us that our lives are gifts given to us by other living beings. All food is a gift of life. When Persephone lived in the underworld she ate pomegranate. After eating this fruit she understood that the dark, far from being the place of death and endings, was instead rich with change and hope. Embrace dark and light, we need both to be in balance. used sources: "Circle Round" by Starhawk / Diane Baker / Anne Hill "Halloween" by Silver Ravenwolf ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Tracie ~*~ crayonsetc ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Mysterious Lady ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ The Mistress of The Dark ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Katia ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Ghost ~*~ ali ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Jane ~*~ Hails ~*~ Darla ~*~ Eagle Lover ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ The Imperfect Christian ~*~ ren.kat ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ le laquet ~*~ Uisce ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Annie ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ Melissa ~*~ Tammy ~*~ Haley-O ~*~ BecK ~*~ sam ~*~ K T cat ~*~ Di ~*~ Sparky ~*~ L.L.Barkat ~*~ crse ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Sarcoidosis it is

Yesterday I had an appointment with the rheumatologist. Ron had to go to his psychologist, so Wonder went with me. First I had a long talk with the rheumatology intern; she also examined me. She was shocked when she saw my worst ankle. After she consulted with the rheumatologist, he came to me. He looked at my joints, asked some questions and then told me his opinion. For him it is certain without a doubt that I have sarcoidosis. Well, no surprise but still frustrating. He increased the Diclofenac and that's really helping a lot! He also told me that it can last some time before all the inflammations are gone, but that the pain and discomfort I'm experiencing now should be a lot less within a month (or two). I hope so! He'll report his findings to the internist right away. I'll speak with the internist this Friday.
Yesterday evening Wonder and I meditated for half an hour. I was floating and swimming in a clear blue sea with the sun shining from above, nice and comfortable. At one time I was a dolphin, wow! Afterwards I felt so much better, more at ease. I'm going to do it more often.

Sarcoidosis?

Ron and I spent the whole afternoon in the hospital. The internist suspects I have sarcoidosis, a complex multisystem autoimmune disease which can affect the lungs, skin, joints, eyes, brain, and other soft tissue organs in the form of multiple inflammations. At this time, there is no known cure for sarcoidosis. Hooray....
I have to visit more specialists and do more tests a.s.a.p. and at the end of next week I get the "verdict". For now I have Diclofenac against the pain and inflammations, and another medicine to prevent stomach problems.

TT #12: frustration

Thirteen frustrations I run into at the moment (Please bear with me, I really need to blow off steam...) having pain and painkillers don't help powerlessness not being able to walk, sit, stand or lie down in a normal way having no power to hold something firmly computer trouble that prevented me from venting in my weblog absolute boredom being slow at almost everything wanting to be there for my man but instead he has to do things for me all the time feet looking like those of an elephant waiting for 4 days until the internist has time to see me feeling like doing exactly the things I can not do having to ask others to help me a zillion times waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr..... Did you come this far?? Wow, thank you for putting up with my rant! It feels good to do that though, really needed that. Don't worry, I know it's not all this dark. There are worse things, a lot of them. I'm just not having the time of my life at the moment... But as always, I'll scramble to my feet again and survive! :-) ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Peppylady ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Silver ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Eveline ~*~ Katia ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Shannon ~*~ K T Cat ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Darla ~*~ Uisce ~*~ Bubba ~*~ the superstar ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Mistress of the Dark ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Tiggerprr ~*~ Susan ~*~ Turtles ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Update

I haven't been online for a while. I've had computer trouble, but that's solved for the most part. The other reason is even more unpleasant: I have problems with my joints. My foot (ankle) is still swollen, not only on the inside but also on the outside. My other ankle is hurting too. My left arm has (probably) inflammations from elbow to pulse to the joint of my little finger. They are red, warm and swollen. My right pulse and elbow are also painful. My GP doesn't trust it and has made an urgent appointment for me with the internist (Friday afternoon).
In the meantime I can't do a lot. It's driving me crazy!! I had to pass on the Lucie Silvas concert last Thursday and cancel aquaspinning for the second time. Ron has to help me out around the house and Wonder has helped a lot also. Still, it's frustrating! I want to be there for Ron and now he has to do things all the time: walk the dogs, run the house. I know I can't help it, but... grrrrrrrr!

Monday evening Wonder and I went to a lecture / presentation by Anodea Judith at Selexyz Scheltema in Almere. She is an authority on chakra psychology and has written several very good books about it. She is in Europe to promote her newest book, Waking The Global Heart (in Dutch: Hart Voor De Wereld). I'm so glad I went despite my joints, because it was very interesting! You can read all about it on the special website. Anodea is a very nice and friendly woman. Afterwards she signed her books for us. She looked at me and signed mine with "Blessed Be, Anodea Judith". She had seen my pentacle pendant and asked me whether I was pagan. When I confirmed that she told me she's pagan too. I wasn't surprised though, in the presentation and her books were enough hints.

TT #11: supercharge your life

Thirteen ideas to supercharge your life Yesterday I received this Daily Inspiration by e-mail. There are 13 points so I immediately thought of T13. That wasn't a coincidence in my opinion. I want to share this with you and remind myself! Okay, some are easier said than done, but I'm going to try! Focus on what you WILL do, not what you can't do. Prioritize. Be proactive by putting first things first. Purposefully act, don't react. Face difficulties with courage. Be willing to make mistakes, learn from them and move on. To prevent being overwhelmed, ask yourself: ‘What one thing am I willing to do differently today?’ Communicate with positive language. Watch your thoughts and patterns of inner talk, and listen to yourself when talking to others. Teach and lead by example. Spend time with people you admire. Be bigger than your story. If you feel yourself getting into victim mode, ask yourself what the payoff is. Feel and own your personal power. Know that you do have a choice. Celebrate your results! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Tug ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Tinker ~*~ Amy ~*~ Shoshana ~*~ Skyelarke ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Tina ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Darla ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Christina ~*~ Uisce ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ scribbit ~*~ Peppylady ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Brony ~*~ Shaylondon ~*~ Alethea ~*~ Tiggerprr ~*~ Kailani ~*~ Janene ~*~ crse ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Clumsy

I'm so clumsy... I already sprained my foot on the stairs a few days ago and yesterday evening I did it again! The inside of my ankle is swollen even more. Now it really hurts when I walk or stand on it. Ron walked the dogs today and helped me around the house. I did walk to the supermarket and back, but I had to put my foot up after that. Grrr....

Good news too! I got an e-mail this afternoon that I have won 2 tickets for a Lucie Silvas concert Thursday evening in Paradiso. Yay! I really like her music and she seems to be very good live. I just hope I can sit. :-)

My path, my faith

Judy Callarman asked me in a comment on the Druid Podcast post how I have come to be a witch. I have written something about it on a special page of my website, but I'll post about it here somewhat more.

I am raised as a Roman Catholic, but I have always missed things in that religion. For example the female aspect of deity: I believe in one God and one Goddess, sometimes acting under different names but all manifestations of the same. Like everything in nature there has to be a balance: the God can't exist without the Goddess and vice versa. Apparently I was thinking about that very early, because my mum told me I had asked my dad when I was in early primary school: "But dad, how do you know God is a man? You've never seen that! Why wouldn't it be a woman?"
I love nature in all its splendour and care deeply for Mother Earth. I cherish every living being big or small. I love animals to the point that I don't kill flies and spiders, but try to get them outside.
From childhood on I have always been interested in spiritual things like meditation, divination and magic. I've read a lot about it and tried some things on my own, but didn't give it a name. Because of personal issues and problems I didn't come to do something with it in a really active way. But right at the moment I needed it, my path unfolded.
When I got access to the internet, a wonderful world of information came within my reach. I started exploring and found sites and forums full of kindred spirits. I discovered the Craft that had everything in it I was looking for: the balance of male and female deity, the spiritual interest and the love of nature. I knew I had a lot to learn, but it felt like coming home. This is what I searched for all along. I've never lost that feeling. I'm happy with my path.
More questions about it? Feel free to ask!

I'd love to read how others came to their path, faith, religion or whatever you want to call it. Leave a comment here or post about it in your own blog and put a link in my comments. You can link to this post, but that isn't necessary. I'm very interested in your stories!
~*~ Judy's faith story (-revisited)
~*~ Wanderer's White Wolf archive

I'm not alone

I'm very tired (despite resting a lot) and down. My elbows and pulses hurt but I don't know why. My foot is swollen, because I sprained it on the stairs. I'm having post menstrual syndrome. To put it briefly: I'm not feeling my best at the moment... I could give up, get even more depressed and lie down under the blankets. But I don't want to, it doesn't make me feel better. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I won't let myself go today.

When your day is long and the night
the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
of this life, hang on
Don't let yourself go
'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts
sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone
(hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go
(hold on)
When you think you've had too much
of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life
the days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts
sometimes
Everybody cries
And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts
You are not alone

written by Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe
performed by REM

TT #10: witches

Thirteen things people should know about witches We don't look like the witches you know from fairytales: old, ugly, crooked nose with big pimple, etc. There is no stereotype really! We do have besoms or brooms; however they are not used for flying but for cleaning the circle, the sacred space, before doing a ritual. We do not worship satan. We don't even believe in the devil or his existence. We don't have a holy book like the Koran or the Bible. We have a Book of Shadows (or BOS), but that's a personal book in which a witch records his or her personal beliefs, rituals, etc. It is called "Book of Shadows" because in earlier times witches had to hide it to prevent being accused or burnt. The term has nothing to do with 'dark magic'. There are a lot of male witches and they are called witches too. Gothic is not the same as witchcraft. Some goths are witches and some witches are gothic, but there's no connection. We respect people of all religions and don't want to convert anyone to the Craft. Everyone should be free to choose his or her own path in religion. If someone shows real interest though, we'll do our best to explain and help further. Witchcraft is a generic term for a lot of traditions within the Craft. To name a few: Gardnerian Wicca, Celtic Wicca, eclectic witchcraft, druidcraft, etc. etc. (*Gardnerian comes from Gerald Gardner, the founder of Wicca) We use another concept of deity. Some witches believe in one God and one Goddess, others are polytheistic. We all believe in a feminine form of deity right next to the masculine form. Like everything in nature there has to be a balance: the God can't exist without the Goddess and vice versa. We don't need a church or temple (although they are sometimes used). Nature is our sacred space and very important to us. We cast a circle to do a ritual; the circle is our sacred space and can be cast anywhere we want. We celebrate the Wheel of the Year: a full circle of the seasonal year, consisting of eight holidays or sabbats, starting at Samhain then Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Lammas, Mabon. Sometimes other names are used (solstices, equinoxes). The moon has a special place within the Craft. We live by the phases of the moon. Full moon celebrations are called esbats. Although there are witches / traditions that work skyclad (dressed in sky=naked) in ritual, a lot of witches don't. Some wear special garments, some work in day-to-day clothes, some work naked. The thought behind skyclad is being closer to nature, no hindrances in the form of clothes. In any case it has nothing to do with sex (*I know, it's hard to believe but it's true!)!! If you have any additional comments or questions, please feel free to leave a message! I have Blogger Beta. If you have classic Blogger and don't allow anonymous comments, I can't leave a comment on your blog. I'm sorry! Blogger will fix that later. In the meantime I can recommend Blogger Beta! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ The Gatekeeper ~*~ Silver ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Incog & Nito ~*~ Darla ~*~ Addie ~*~ Velda ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Gattina ~*~ ma ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Mandy ~*~ Peppylady ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ Geggie ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Nikki ~*~ Nicole ~*~ Whiskey ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Brony ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Nadiah Alwi ~*~ crse ~*~ Sparky ~*~ The Merry Rose ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Faerylandmom ~*~ Danielle ~*~ Silent Prayer ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Druid Podcast

Through Witches Weekly I heard about something unfair and in my eyes sick and cruel. I'll copy the synopsis from Lady Tawodi's log:

Druids have Equinox Ritual. Christians go “undercover” and record the ritual without the Druids knowledge or consent. These include Kirk Cameron from “Growing Pains.”
Christians put recording up on website as a podcast, being blatantly ignorant and full of bigotry.
Download or listen: here (right-click and save link as)
A disrespect to those poor folks out at Ravens Cry Grove, ADF.

I've listened to it and I'm baffled. I hope (and know) these so-called christians are not representative of Christians in general. The Christians I know don't break the law or ridicule another religion, even when they are not that comfortable with it. But I'm not naive either: I know there are groups that do those things... Just one word: sick!