TT #22: resolutions

Thirteen New Year's resolutions New Year's Resolutions are the curse of the modern calendar. Our calendar is not in rhythm with the natural world; we have not had a timekeeping system in sync with the cosmos and nature for centuries. Our intentions are honorable, but our timing stinks. The right timing for new beginnings is at the spring equinox: to innovate, target our goals, and just do it. From Winter Solstice on December 21st until Spring Equinox on March 19th, it's time to reflect, slow down, and hibernate... let the old disintegrate and die while the embryonic seed energy builds up for sowing new and wonderful things at the natural spring New Year. ©2003 by Joyce Mason Having said that... I can't resist to try anyway! ;-) go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself (read more here) lose weight (what's new..?) bring back regularity in my eating pattern be more involved in planning and preparing dinner exercise more frequently meditate drink less Diet Coke work on my Temple of ARA petition spend more time in nature be more active again in snail mail projects (PostcardFairies, PostCrossing, etc.) visit the pet shelter for "cuddle duty" make time to let the creative juices flow say NO more often, be assertive ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Di ~*~ Mike ~*~ Darla ~*~ busy91 ~*~ My Twenty Cents Keeps Moving ~*~ DK Raymer ~*~ candyminx ~*~ she ~*~ Norma ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Laura ~*~ Erika ~*~ SciFiChick ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Kim Priestap ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Stacy ~*~ Maggie ~*~ Tisha ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Desert Songbird ~*~ Christine ~*~ Bond ~*~ Teena ~*~ Dawn ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Mert ~*~ Gina ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ amy ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Miss you, mum...

You said when you'd die

That you'd walk with me every day
And I'd start to cry and say

Please don't talk that way

With the blink of an eye

The Lord came and asked you to leave

You went to a better place

But it stole you away from me

And now she lives in heaven

But I know they let her out

To take care of me

There's a strange kind of light

Caressing me tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bringing heaven down here

I miss your love I miss your touch

But I'm feeling you every day

And I can almost hear you say

'You've come a long way baby'

And now you live in heaven

But I know they let you out

To take care of me

There's a strange kind of light

In my bedroom tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bring your heaven down here

You taught me kings and queens

While stroking my hair

In my darkest hour I know you are there

Kneeling down beside me

Whispering my prayer

Yes there's a strange kind of light

Caressing me tonight

Pray silence my fear she is near

Bringing heaven down here

The next time that we meet

I will bow at her feet

And say wasn't life sweet

Then we'll prepare

To take heaven down there

( - R.P. Williams)

Yule on the Brookberg

Last weekend Wonder and I celebrated Yule on the Brookberg. We were there last June for Midsummer, this time for the opposite side of the wheel of the year: Midwinter. The country estate in winter is different, but beautiful nevertheless.

When we arrived nobody was there, so we couldn't park the car inside. We put it outside and crawled under de barrier. We took a long walk around the lake, the scenery is amazing. By the time we got back, others had arrived and we could pitch the tent. We were the only ones sleeping in a tent. We had brought a heater and plenty of blankets, so we wouldn't get cold at night. Wonder decorated the tent; we had our own cosy place to stay.

It was good to be there again. The place has something calming, you just don't want to rush anymore. Most of the people we already knew, some were new to us. Renée had come and to our surprise two other friends we didn't expect were there, a nice surprise. The group felt warm and close.

We cast the circle next to a willow tree near the lake, a very special place. The cattle felt attracted and came close too. The weather was cold but not freezing and it stayed dry all weekend. In the morning a thick fog was almost hiding the lake. Somewhat later I took this picture, which I have as my desktop background now.

Saturday afternoon the group built the sweat lodge and prepared everything for the fire. For the stone ceremony everyone took two big stones to put in the fire and later heat the sweat lodge. The first stone was charged with a wish/intention for yourself, the second one for a group of people that could use some extra good intentions. Without knowing it Wonder and I had chosen the same people for our second stone: a dear friend of us and her family. She is twice blessed. :-)

After something warm to drink we prepared for the sweat lodge itself. At first it was a bit chilly in the nude, but that changed very quickly. It was very hot, but I enjoyed it as much as the first time. Ben2Bears thanked Mother Earth and spoke about the meaning of Yule.
Then we each told why we were there and with what intention. I was there to go back inside and make contact with myself again, learn to accept and honour myself. It's a big issue, I've been struggling with it all my life and it won't be done at once. But I want to think of myself as important and worthy as I think of others. Pfew...
In the sweat lodge I lost track of time, but afterwards I heard we had stayed there for 45 minutes. It was a special and magical experience once more.

After the sweat lodge ritual it was time for dinner. Boy, was I hungry (and thirsty)! Everyone had made or bought something, so there was more than enough. I tasted a little bit of everything, yummy! After dinner we sat and talked amongst ourselves.

Late at night we went outside for a drum circle around the fire. Wonder and I didn't drum this time, but we enjoyed the sound of the others on a blanket near the fire. The group was called inside just when the fire was at its best, pity! Inside we did a crystal ceremony. It was wonderful, but during the meditation I dozed off and almost fell asleep. Oops! Not that strange though as it was near 2am already.

When we went to the tent, the generator was off but it was still warm inside. We were very tired so it didn't take too long to fall asleep. I haven't been cold at all and I slept great! Around 5am I had to walk to the toilet inside the building; that was cold but back in bed I was warm again quickly. The alarm went off at 9am, but we stayed in bed and slept a little longer. We were last at the breakfast table.

Some people had already gone home. Renée had left saturday night, because her hubby has the flu. Others left after breakfast. The remaining people cleared away the mess. Next we closed the circle to end our gathering. It has been a splendid weekend!

Happy Yule by Dusty

On The Dusty Millers LiveWood Site I found two wonderful (You Tube) Yule blessings. I thought I'd share them with you by giving the link. Enjoy!
While you're there check out the rest of the website and the blog of Dusty Miller the 13th. His Season's Greeting shows a beautiful and impressive tree, I love it! I've met Dusty when he was in Amsterdam in April this year. He did a walk-and-talk in the Vondelpark, which I enjoyed very much. I'd love to go to "his" wood and visit the ancient trees there.

TT #21: Yule

Thirteen facts about Yule Yule is celebrated on the 21st of december: today! Yule is a turning point in nature: the shortest day and the longest night. After Yule the days become longer again. At Yule we celebrate the return of the light. The God (the sun) is reborn. Fires and candles are lit to encourage the light to become stronger and stronger. Yule means "wheel", which refers to the Wheel of the Year: the cycle of the 8 witches' sabbaths. The wheel starts at Yule. Other names are: Midwinter, Winter Solstice, Winter Equinox, Alban Arthan, Finn’s Day, Joel. The colours of Yule are: red (fire), green (nature), white (light), gold (God, sun), silver (Goddess). The Yule tree is decorated with all natural material: fir cones, berries, straw figures, etc. In earlier times the tree was burnt as an offering to the Sun, the God. Now we put lights in the tree instead. The Yule log is a large log of freshly cut wood (oak). Originally, the Yule Log was burned in honour of the gods and to bring good luck in the coming year. To help kindle the fire, holly was placed under the log. Guests would toss a sprig of holly into the fire to burn up the troubles of the past year and to keep their houses safe from burning down in the New Year. The ashes were scattered over the land to give them fertility for a good harvest. Each year a piece of the Yule Log was saved and used to start the fire for the next year's log. Pagans today use the Yule Log in a symbolic way to do the same. Yule was a time to eat and drink all the remains of the harvest that were liable to decay. This feast was shared with the whole family. The rich often shared with the poor because there was enough for everyone. The explanation of kissing under the mistletoe extends back into Norse mythology. The Norse god Balder was the best loved of all the gods. His mother was Frigga, goddess of love and beauty. She loved her son so much that she wanted to make sure no harm would come to him. So she went through the world, securing promises from everything that sprang from the four elements (fire, water, air, and earth) that they would not harm her beloved Balder. Leave it to Loki, a sly, evil spirit, to find the loophole. The loophole was mistletoe. He made an arrow from its wood. To make the prank even nastier, he took the arrow to Hoder, Balder's brother, who was blind. Guiding Holder's hand, Loki directed the arrow at Balder's heart, and he fell dead. Frigga's tears became the mistletoe's white berries. Balder is restored to life, and Frigga is so grateful that she reverses the reputation of the offending plant, making it a symbol of love and promising to bestow a kiss upon anyone who passes under it. Yule is also a festival, not just a single holiday. The Yule season or Yuletide begins on the solstice, which is the Mother Night of Yule, and ends 12 nights later with Twelfth Night/New Years. The Horned God is represented by a stag. That's where our present reindeers come from. Drinking Wassail at Yule is an English custom from heathen times. 'Wassail' comes from the Anglo-Saxon Wes Hal, meaning "to your health". The beverage is made from ale, wine, and/or cider with fruits and spices added. Traditionally it was used in part as an offering to apple trees in thanks and for their continued fruitfulness. Bits of toast were floated in the wassail bowl, then placed in the branches of the tree, and libations poured over the roots. (This is the origin of our term "to toast" someone.) ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Amy C. ~*~ Jamie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Laura ~*~ Le laquet ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Sanni ~*~ colleenR ~*~ Mikala ~*~ ChupieandJ'smama ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ scooper ~*~ Starrlight ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ mar ~*~ Zeus ~*~ noladawn ~*~ Amy ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ busy91 ~*~ Terri ~*~ peppylady ~*~ JennIAm ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Gina ~*~ Caledonia ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Home cleansing

Ever since Ron and I have moved into our present home I have been planning to do a house cleansing. During the rebuilding I put a blessing in one of the walls downstairs, but never came to do more. It is an old house (1918) and a lot of people have lived here before us. It has been a dairy shop and later several families lived in 3 apartments.
I have noticed other energies in our home from the beginning, especially upstairs. Although Ron and I are very happy with the house and with each other, there was something about it that made me feel tired, uncomfortable. Wonder noticed it too when he stayed here. We planned to do the cleansing together. First we wanted to do it when Ron wasn't there (he doesn't like the smell of incense), but since Ron is still home from work we decided to do it yesterday evening.
We cast a circle, lit candles and burnt an incense mixture of Californian sage, Palo Santo, patchouli and sandalwood in an Abalone shell. I took a white candle to bring the light, Wonder took the shell and a feather to move the smoke around. Together we went to every room in the house to remove old energies and residue of past emotions, and to recharge with love and light. We moved on when it felt right. In the bedroom I got shivers, burps and felt sick. Wonder had a similar experience. We both felt a negative force and saw/knew what had happened in that room. Let me just tell you it wasn't very nice... It took some extra effort to get rid of it, but afterwards it felt better. Wonder smudged the room, bed and my dreamcatcher. Then we went downstairs. That felt better, probably because it is all changed and new. We opened windows, put on all the lights and let the candles burn. We closed the circle. It was a tiring experience and we both needed something to drink and eat.
It's a bit early to draw any conclusion, but the house feels a lot better. I slept remarkably well last night. Even Ron mentioned he wasn't wet of sweat when he woke up. I hope it continues to feel this way!

TT #20: holiday decorating

Thirteen christmas decorations Yes, I yielded to the temptation of decorating my home for the holidays all the same... and I'm so glad I did. It feels warm! I'll share some pics with you in this TT. Some are a bit blurry, sorry. the tree, a Nordman that doesn't loose its needles easily the crib under the tree and close (yes, Christian; it belonged to my parents) the star on the top of the tree the fairy Ron gave me last year the decoration I gave Ron last year, it says "surrounded by love" in Dutch two red hearts bound with a silver ribbon, symbolizing our love Monique gave me a card and a beautiful little angel to give me comfort when I miss mum, it's hanging in the tree Foofur and Freyja under the tree, Bastet in the empty box after decorating;Boris doesn't come near the tree on the door is a card holder, we still need to hang up some lines for the other cards the old windows on the long side of our home inside and outside the window on the front of our home the corner window shows the tree from outside the table while writing holiday cards and after, I bought cats & dogs charity cards when I was in London in September ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Darla ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Chelle ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Chickadee ~*~ Danielle ~*~ Lucienne ~*~ Scooper ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Bubba ~*~ Dragonheart ~*~ Tug ~*~ Terri ~*~ Ivy ~*~ Gina ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Stress and relief

Yesterday Ron had an appointment with his psychologist and later his boss stopped by for a visit. Both went okay but it was a busy and stressful afternoon, so Ron really needed and wanted some distraction. A friend invited us to go to the Comedy Cafe. On Tuesday nights there is Open Podium for stand-up comedians: new talents and professionals that want to try new material. I've been there before and liked it very much. Yesterday was a great night with mostly good comedians. We enjoyed ourselves and Ron was very relaxed.
We were home around 1am. I was very tired, but felt okay. Before I went to bed I had to go to the toilet. When I was leaving the bathroom I got a black-out and fell on the ground. Ron and Wonder put me into bed. I was away for 15 minutes. When I "woke up" I was even more tired and cold, but Ron was warm and I fell asleep very quickly.
This morning I had to go back to the internist. My blood pressure was 160/100, lower than before but that could be because of my black-out. I can drink all tea flavours again, as long as I keep an eye on the ingredients. I'll have to take a medicine to lower the blood pressure. My thyroid values are fluctuating slightly, I have low ferro values and the sarcoidosis is decreasing. Next appointment at the end of March.

Midwinterfair

Yesterday I went to the Midwinterfair, a fantasy/medieval/pagan event in themepark Archeon, with Wonder and his girlfriend. It's a big inside and outside market with shops (stalls), folk concerts, storytellers, workshops, demonstrations, readings, gametournaments, LARP-groups (Live Action Role Playing), etc. in a great setting. The weather had been bad until Friday, but we were lucky; it was not too cold, mostly dry and sometimes even sunny.
We met a lot of friends and acquaintances. I was surprised and happy to see our friend Renée, who had her own booth selling stuff (soap, incense, runes, etc) and promoting Vrouw Holda. Among other things she gives workshops and courses. Wonder and I both picked a rune while asking a question. Her explanation was right to the point and helpful. She made a picture of the three of us. We'll see her again at Yule.
All in all we had a great time. The fair was open until 8pm (we were there at 1pm), so we had time enough to explore. Still we haven't seen everything, but that's okay. Before we left we made some pictures in the brewery in the convent. I posed with a monk. :-)

TT #19: divination

Thirteen methods of divination Divination is the art or practise of foretelling the future (or past) and/or communicating with the supernatural when seeking guidance using different methods. Tarot, the most well-known tool of divination. Often used is the Rider Waite Deck, but there are numerous decks available. I use the Druidcraft Tarot. Runes, an ancient Germanic alphabet often put on stones, pieces of wood, etc. You can buy a set ( I have one), but I want to make my own set. The I Ching, or Book of Changes, is the world's oldest book (approx. 4000 years old) and earliest known intuitive decision-making system, based on the binary logic of yin/yang. Scrying is a method of divination by gazing into the shiny or reflective surface of an object. A crystal ball is the most well-known scrying tool (on this picture you can see mine), but you can also use a black mirror, water, oil, etc. Witch stones, a set of eight natural gemstones painted by hand with symbols of magical tools to throw on a pentagram casting chart. You can buy a set, but I made my set in a workshop years ago. Graphology: handwriting analysis A Pendulum is often used for answers that require a simple yes, no or undetermined answer, but it can also be used with a chart. You can make your own pendulum or buy one. This is mine, made of black tourmaline. Tasseomancy: reading tea leaves, or coffee grinds, or wine sediments. Palmistry or hand analysis Bibliomancy: divination using a book. The book will be opened at a random page and while keeping your eyes closed you will point at a line or passage in the book. Psychometry: the ability to "read" the history of certain objects and/or their owner by holding the object Ouija Board, I mention it because it is known by a lot of people, but I can only give one advice: DON'T! It can be dangerous, especially with unexperienced people who don't know what they are dealing with. In fact almost everything can be used for divination. This list is just the top of the iceberg. If you're interested to read more, just put "divination" in Google and you'll have plenty to explore! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ mar ~*~ Darla ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ Carmen ~*~ scooper ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Terri ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Nancy ~*~ Sparky Duck ~*~ Wicked Witch ~*~ Sophisticated Writer ~*~ Christine ~*~ Mitch ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Lungfunction OK

Today I had to do the lungfunction test and see the lung specialist. I was very nervous and restless. It reminded me of mum, who hated these tests. I've been there with her a zillion times, but never had to do it myself. In a way I think there was some kind of hidden fear also: dad died of cancer that started in the lungs, mum had lungproblems all her life and there are several more relatives with it. I know they all are/were smokers and I never smoked, but still...
I had an appointment at 10.30am, but had to wait for almost an hour! The test itself wasn't that bad, but let's say I understand why mum hated it. I did it wrong a few times, so I had to start over. I got very light-headed and dizzy. After the tests the nurse gave me Ventolin, I had to wait again and then do the tests all over. That didn't make it better, with Ventolin I did worse!
Finally the lungspecialist called me in. He listened to my lungs, looked at my lung scan and went over the test results. Outcome: my lungfunction is good, everything's okay! Pfew....

Bleh...

Doesn't the title say it all..? Beware, I'm not in a happy mood...
I've always loved (the time before) Yuletide. Normally my season's greetings would be ready to be send, the ornaments would be unpacked and waiting for the tree. This year I just can't seem to find the spirit. I don't want a tree, I don't want to decorate. I just want to go to sleep and wake up next year. I miss mum, I miss dad. Yes I know, I'll miss them next year too, but this time of year it's just worse. I feel blue, down, hurt.
Has someone seen the Christmas spirit? Please send it over to save me from this feeling...

23.45u I know it's not all this dark. There are things that I do look forward to. I'll just have to make the best of this time. It's okay to feel sad, as long as I stick to that basic positive feeling deep down inside me. Sometimes it's easy to find, sometimes it's a bit harder, but I know it's there!

TT #18: Sinterklaas

Thirteen facts about Sinterklaas Sinterklaas or St. Nicolaas is an old Dutch holiday / tradition, celebrated on December 5th. Nicholas was born in the fourth century in the village of Patara, at that time in Greece but now situated in Turkey. When his parents died in an epidemic Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships. He died December 6, AD 343 in Myra and was buried in his cathedral church. The anniversary of his death became a day of celebration, St. Nicholas Day. A few weeks before his feast day Sinterklaas arrives in The Netherlands with his steam ship. He is said to come from Spain (Madrid), but nobody knows exactly why he ended up there. His helpers are called "Zwarte Pieten" (Black Petes). When he has arrived Dutch children leave carrots and hay in their shoes for his white horse Amerigo with drawings for the saint. Sinterklaas rides his horse on the roofs of houses. Zwarte Pieten climb down the chimney to take the offerings and leave candy and small gifts instead. St. Nicholas' Day is celebrated on the evening of December 5th with the sharing of candies (thrown in the door), chocolate letters (everyone gets the first letter of their name in chocolate), gifts and riddles. It's been a long journey from the fourth century Bishop of Myra, St. Nicholas, who showed his devotion to God in extraordinary kindness and generosity, to America's jolly Santa Claus. However, if you peel back the accretions he is still Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, whose caring surprises continue to model true giving and faithfulness. You can read and hear traditional and new Sinterklaas songs here and English translations here. Dutch living abroad (and others of course!) can order Sinterklaas goodies and candy at The Dutch Market, the Sinterklaas Shop or HollandByMail. If you want to read more about Sinterklaas this is a website you can visit. ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn & Dragonheart ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Darla ~*~ Carmen ~*~ The Median Sib ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Missy ~*~ el-e-e ~*~ Stephanie ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Chickadee ~*~ Bond ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Leanne ~*~ peppylady ~*~ The Little Woman ~*~ Domestic Goddess ~*~ busy91 ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Kristarella ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Taconcubano ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Temple of Ara

Yesterday evening Sorcha and I went to Den Haag (The Hague) for a meeting with Phyllis Curott. We have done two workshop weekends with her in june 2005 and april 2006. Her method of working and teaching appeals to us very much. Together with some others who did the workshops we are interested in being initiated into the Ara Tradition and be a member of the Temple of Ara, a Wiccan/shamanic congregation and community Phyllis started in 1983.
We received the petition for initiation with the directions and requirements. In fall 2007 (probably) there will be an initiation week (two weekends and the week in between). A month before that the petition has to be ready. It's a challenge, but I really want to do this. Phyllis told us about what she did the past 7 months, explained some things about the initiation and answered our questions.

Things

Yesterday I had a meeting about the aftercare self-help groups for people with eating disorders in Haarlem. One group is already starting, the second is ready and waiting for participants. The third group (for binge eating disorder) is the one I'm going to do, but my fellow leader hasn't been very active since we started. I e-mailed several times until I finally heard something. She said she was still very committed, but since then (again several e-mails later) I heard nothing and she didn't show up at the meeting. I'm beginning to lose faith to work with her and have told that in the meeting. She will be contacted and in the meantime we'll try to find someone else, just in case. I still want to do this group very much!

This morning I had an appointment with the internist. He is very content about how the sarcoidosis is doing. I can walk and use my joints almost like before, yay! He still is concerned though, mainly about my high blood pressure. My diastolic pressure is between 110 and 130, the systolic pressure is 170 to 190. He doesn't want me to drink flavoured teas to see if they contribute to it. He also wants me to do a longfunction test before my next appointment (in two weeks). In addition I had blood taken again and I had to deliver some urine to be tested. It all frightened and disappointed me a bit. I really thought this would be my last appointment for a while, because the sarcoidosis seems to be under control. I know it's good the internist is getting everything checked, in fact I'm glad he does. But still... will it ever stop? Will I ever be healthy again..? I really think I've had enough!

After the visit to the hospital we went shopping in Haarlem. I wanted to buy a new daily planner for 2007, the same I have for this year. The store that had it last year, didn't sell it this year. Now I'll have to go to Amsterdam. I was disappointed again. I had already been putting off buying a planner; it's difficult, because my mum always bought me one for my birthday... I'm thinking a lot about mum, only seems to become more and more. Sinterklaas (a Dutch holiday) is coming and mum always gave me my first chocolate letter. Now I see them in the shops and I just can't get myself to buy one... All this and other things are so making me not look forward to the holidays. I've been sad all day and I've cried a lot. I'm having a headache and slept a few hours during the day. Ron is so sweet, so patient and so loving trying to comfort me. I appreciate it and love him for it, but some pain just doesn't go away. It helps a bit to let it out though. I'm going to bed now and hopefully sleep. Perhaps I'll dream of mum and dad...

TT #17: past life regression

Thirteen points about past life regression Last weekend I've been to a workshop about this theme. Read the post before this one to know more about it. Be serious. This is no stuff to take lightly or play with. If you don't believe in it, just stay out of it. If you do believe, think about it first and take your time to be prepared. Don't learn it from a book, learn from a good teacher with lots of experience. He or she will prepare you in the right way and guide you through the whole process. Never do it on your own; always have at least one other person present, preferably more. It makes it easier if you have experience with meditation and visualisation, so practice - practice - practice! Realize that it is real memory! When you've learned a technique that works, don't alter it! The used techniques work because they are like they are. Don't expect to have been Napoleon or Cleopatra. Chances are you just lived an ordinary life as a peasant or something like that. Never use drugs or alcohol to "improve" the experience. They influence you in a wrong way, because you're no longer in control. You are in an altered state of consciousness, but you should still be in control at any time. Past life experiences are no excuse for bad behaviour in this life. They can explain some things, but you still need to work on it. It can help you to make connections, explain things and/or recognize things about yourself in this life. You can meet someone that you know in this life too. That is certainly possible, but not likely with everyone you might think. Take the time to come back and be grounded again by eating and drinking something. You need aftercare: talk about it, write it down. Don't rush into other activities. Past life is private and personal. You should never pass judgement on someone else's experiences. HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone that celebrates it! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ DK Raymer ~*~ kontan ~*~ Cheryl ~*~ Lisa ~*~ The Mistress of the Dark ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Nadiah Alwi ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Gabrielle ~*~ colleen ~*~ Susan Helene Gottfried ~*~ Laughing Muse ~*~ Jen ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Skittles ~*~ Alison ~*~ crse ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Mikala ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ Laurence ~*~ Brony ~*~ TopChamp ~*~ Lilize ~*~ she ~*~ Bond ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Mitch ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Brit ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Marian Green Workshop Weekend

Last Friday I left in the afternoon for a workshop weekend with Marian Green, organized by the Dutch division of the Pagan Federation. The location was a Stayokay hostel in a beautiful lane in Arnhem. The normal travelling time would be 75 minutes, but because of traffic jams it took me twice that long. I had taken that into account, so I arrived approximately at the expected time, around 5pm.

The group wasn't as big as in the other workshop weekends, I think there were about 25 people. Most of them I had already met at other weekends, workshops, meetings etc. I shared my room with 2 others. Our 4th roommate had taken her own camper to sleep in. I didn't sleep too bad. I missed Ron very much all weekend, but I called him as often as possible.

Marian Green is an author who has been working in the field of ceremonial and folk magic since the early 1960s. She also organises a conference in the UK every March since 1968 to bring together (neo-)pagan writers and their readers, the Quest Conference. She has written more than a dozen books on ceremonial magic and witchcraft. She is the editor of Quest magazine, published since 1970. She teaches at The Invisible College and runs workshops in and outside the UK. I have several of her books and I like her approach very much.

We had our own big room with a very nice view. The theme of the weekend was "Inner Journey and Past Life Regression". Very interesting, but not something to take lightly. Therefore Marian provided us with a lot of theory and knowledge. We did several exercises to train certain elements. We looked into the advantages and dangers of past life regression. Eventually we used two different techniques, different but both effective. I have been back to two past lifes, quite an experience!

It was an intensive workshop mentally. It took me a lot of effort to keep concentrated and alert, but it was very much worth it. In between sessions I went for a walk in the surroundings of the hostel. The autumn is such a beautiful season! The trees have sensational colours. This one was down the street. Behind the hostel was a wonderful footpath. When I was standing still for a while this tree (the one in the middle) gave me a yellow leaf, that I've put in my daily planner.

Sunday after lunch it was time to say goodbye to old and new friends. We wanted to take a group photo, but a lot of people went home immediately and Marian didn't want to join us. Pity!
The journey home took a lot less time. I was so happy to see Ron again, and the cats and dogs! I'm very very tired, but I don't care. I'll take my rest and look back on a great weekend!

TT #16: sports

Thirteen sports I like to watch soccer, esp. World and European Championships (Dutch National Team) speedskating, allround and sprint cycling, esp. Tour de France (Lance Armstrong) figure skating darts car races esp. Formula One and rally tennis, esp. Grand Slam tournaments athletics gymnastics skiing, all disciplines swimming (Pieter v.d. Hoogeband, Inge de Bruyn) equestrian sports, but no horse-unfriendly ones! Olympics, I love to watch all the sports! ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Eveline ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ amy ~*~ suki ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Silver ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Darla ~*~ Sweet Kitty ~*~ Barb ~*~ Di ~*~ Sanni ~*~ Will ~*~ Ghost ~*~ tbirdonawire ~*~ Miranda ~*~ Mom's Secret Life ~*~ Crazy Fat Chick ~*~ Shaylondon ~*~ Missy ~*~ elementaryhistoryteacher ~*~ Brit ~*~ JohnH985 ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Robbie DVD

Yesterday I've bought the new Robbie Williams DVD "And Through It All". It contains over 50 live performances from 1997 to 2006. Robbie live on DVD is the next best thing after going to a concert yourself. From his first Paris show in 1997 to the global stadium stages of today, And Through It All follows Robbie’s journey up the ladder of superstardom. Slane Castle, Knebworth, Live 8, special TV performances... It's all there. An amazing DVD (2 discs) from an amazing singer/entertainer!

Late Halloween

Last Friday Lothanna organised her annual Halloween Party. This time it was a bit later, because it also was a house warming. Lothanna and her boyfriend live together now in an appartment in Den Haag (The Hague). It is a nice and cosy appartment and they have furnished and decorated it with beautiful things. Ron and I bought a basket with a plant in it and I made a card to go with it.
Last year Ron didn't want to come along, but this time I managed to persuade him. He just wore black clothes, but that was okay (he looks gorgeous in black anyway!). Here's a picture of me. I wore the blouse I bought at Castlefest this year with... don't be shocked... a black skirt. Yeah, can you believe I bought a skirt for myself?? Unfortunately it's not visible on the picture. I bought it with Ron in the afternoon, he convinced me. The last skirt/dress of my own was my wedding dress in 1995. :-)
It was a very enjoyable party, but Ron and I were both very tired so we left around midnight.

TT #15: TV-series

Thirteen favourite TV-series (fiction) Star Trek - all the series, but especially The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine and Voyager Charmed CSI - all, but especially the first one (Vegas) & NCIS & JAG Bones Buffy & Angel paranormal series like The Ghost Whisperer and Medium hospital series like ER English detectives like Miss Marple, Hercule Poirot X-files The 4400 science fiction series like V, Babylon 5, Stargate police series like Tatort (with Schimanski, German), Baantjer (Dutch) mini-series like The 10th Kingdom, Merlin ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Barb ~*~ Wendy ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ mommyba ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Ally Bean ~*~ Tizzie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ AnnaMary ~*~ Bond ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ Missy ~*~ The Shrone ~*~ Tammy ~*~ The Imperfect Christian ~*~ MommaBee ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ Christine ~*~ sam ~*~ Susan ~*~ Mert ~*~ alisonwonderland ~*~ Kailani ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Good news

This morning I had an appointment with the eye specialist. She did several tests, but everything is okay with my eyes. No sign of sarcoidosis there. Hooray! To see that she had to drop something in my eyes to keep my pupils big. That hurt! It should last for 2 to 3 hours, but it was a great nuisance to me until later this afternoon. Ah well, everything for the good news! Next week I'll have my blood tested again. The week after that I have a new appointment with the internist.

All Souls' Day

A few weeks ago I got a letter from the Roman Catholic church my mother attended. It was an invitation for the special mess on All Souls' Day (yesterday). They send this to the relatives who lost a loved one in the last 12 months. I immediately knew I wanted to go. I've been to the mess with mum on All Souls' Day in 1996, the year my dad passed away. Now I felt like going too, for mum and for myself. Later Joke decided to go with me.
It was strange to be in mum's church without her, although she was there in spirit. Every time I went there it was with her or for her, to pick her up after she had been cleaning there or drink something when she was hostess in the parish center. I expected her to walk around a corner any minute. We burned candles in the little chappel near the entrance, where the little cross with her name is hanging. It will hang there for a year and then we'll get it.
The mess was a bit long, but beautiful in a certain way. The priest spoke very personal. For every deceased church member a white candle with a name card in calligraphy was lit by the big Easter candle. The name and age were said out loud. That was a very emotional moment. At the end of the mess the relatives could get their candle. I have mum's on the mantelpiece next to her picture. Mum kept dad's candle and burned it at special occasions. I'll put their candles together and perhaps burn them next Samhain.
After the mess I wanted to light a candle in front of the Maria altar, for me that equals a goddess altar. Mum has regularly lit candles for me there. We drank tea and sat with my uncle Cor and aunt Corrie for a while. They were very kind and interested. Leo picked us up.
It was good to go. I know mum would have appreciated it very much and it felt like some kind of closure to me. The pain will never go away completely, I still miss mum and dad every day. I want to focus on their lives though, the memories I'll cherish, the love that never stops...

TT #14: looking back

Thirteen highs and lows of the last year Samhain is the pagan New Year, a time to look back and reflect... (Dec. 1-5) mini-vacation to München (Munich) (Dec. 14) 10th anniversary of our marriage (Feb. 10) Mum's 70th birthday party (Feb. 23) Heathcliff's death & (Aug. 14) Poemel's death (April 21-23) Phyllis Curott workshop weekend (May 27) moving downstairs after 4 years of rebuilding (June 14) mum's death to (June 19) mum's cremation (June 22) my first Robbie Williams concert in Amsterdam (June 24-25) Litha celebration on the Brookberg (July 8) full moon ritual on the beach of Zandvoort (Aug. 23) arrival Freyja & (Sept. 8) arrival Bastet (Sept. 14-17) weekend in London with RW concert in Milton Keynes (Oct. 20 - now) my sarcoidosis ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Darla ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ K T cat ~*~ Tammy ~*~ Olive ~*~ Shannon ~*~ Ghost ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Gail Martin ~*~ Julie ~*~ Skeezix the cat ~*~ Friday's Child ~*~ crse ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ Lisa ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Silver ~*~ Jenny Ryan ~*~ Momma Bee ~*~ N. Mallory ~*~ Danielle ~*~ Joy Renee ~*~ Irish Church Lady ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Blessed Samhain, Happy Halloween

A year of beauty. A year of plenty.
A year of planting. A year of harvest.
A year of forests. A year of healing.
A year of vision. A year of passion.
A year of rebirth.

This year may we renew the earth.
This year may we renew the earth.

Let it begin with each step we take.
And let it begin with each change we make.
And let it begin with each chain we break.
And let it begin every time we awake.

(Chant from the Reclaiming Samhain Celebration - listen to it here)

Yesterday evening Sorcha organised a Halloween Movie Night. This time we had chosen to watch "The Others" with my favourite actress Nicole Kidman. It isn't a frightening movie although it has its scary moments. In fact it is a wonderful story from a different perspective. If you haven't seen it, I can recommend it. We also made an ancestor altar in honour of Samhain. I brought a picture of mum & dad. When I took the picture, unfortunately some had already taken their pictures back. I planned on doing a meditation, but when I got home I was too tired.

Health update

Yesterday the internist called me back. He first told me what I already knew: it definitely is sarcoidosis. The values in my blood showed it and the rheumatologist agreed. He doesn't want to give me prednisolon because I already have high blood pressure and a very sensitive skin. I'm glad, I don't want prednisolon. The diclofenac is working good enough. I can walk better and the imflammations are less painful. Thursday I was worried because I started coughing a lot. The internist had seen some enlarged lymph nodes on my lung x-ray, so I have to be careful and pay attention. Luckily it seems to be just a cold. Nevertheless I bought echinaforce with vitamin C today for a better resistance and camomile tea for my sore throat. Better be on the safe side!

TT #13: Halloween

Thirteen facts about Halloween The name Halloween comes from The Eve of All Hallows --> All Hallows Even --> Hallowe'en. Witches call this holiday Samhain (say SAH~win). October 31 is the eve of Samhain (Halloween), November 1 the day of Samhain. The holidays of the Celts start at the evening and last the following day. Samhain is the pagan New Year's Day. The wheel of the year starts a new round. At this time the veil between world of the living and the world of the dead is very thin. We use this to honour our ancestors, our beloved dead. They could return to visit us, to help or give advice. There is no need to be afraid of the spirits of the dead. In ancient times, people set light in hollowed-out turnips to guide the spirits of the dead, and put out food as an offering. The lights have become the jack-o'-lanterns carved in pumpkins. Trick-or-treat candy comes from the food offering. The spirits of the dead turned into the ghosts, skeletons and scary monsters in the decorations and costumes. It is an excellent night for divination (tarot, runes, pendulum, etc.). At Samhain we call the Goddess the Crone. She is the Old One, the aspect of the Goddess that teaches us wisdom, that helps us let go when we need to change and grow. Letting go is a natural but difficult part of life. We invoke the Horned God, the stag whose antlers are fully developed. He represents the animals that give away their life so others can be fed. He reminds us that our lives are gifts given to us by other living beings. All food is a gift of life. When Persephone lived in the underworld she ate pomegranate. After eating this fruit she understood that the dark, far from being the place of death and endings, was instead rich with change and hope. Embrace dark and light, we need both to be in balance. used sources: "Circle Round" by Starhawk / Diane Baker / Anne Hill "Halloween" by Silver Ravenwolf ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Tracie ~*~ crayonsetc ~*~ Chelle Y. ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Mysterious Lady ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ The Mistress of The Dark ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Katia ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Ghost ~*~ ali ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Jane ~*~ Hails ~*~ Darla ~*~ Eagle Lover ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ The Imperfect Christian ~*~ ren.kat ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ le laquet ~*~ Uisce ~*~ tiggerprr ~*~ peppylady ~*~ Annie ~*~ Kukka-Maria ~*~ Melissa ~*~ Tammy ~*~ Haley-O ~*~ BecK ~*~ sam ~*~ K T cat ~*~ Di ~*~ Sparky ~*~ L.L.Barkat ~*~ crse ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Sarcoidosis it is

Yesterday I had an appointment with the rheumatologist. Ron had to go to his psychologist, so Wonder went with me. First I had a long talk with the rheumatology intern; she also examined me. She was shocked when she saw my worst ankle. After she consulted with the rheumatologist, he came to me. He looked at my joints, asked some questions and then told me his opinion. For him it is certain without a doubt that I have sarcoidosis. Well, no surprise but still frustrating. He increased the Diclofenac and that's really helping a lot! He also told me that it can last some time before all the inflammations are gone, but that the pain and discomfort I'm experiencing now should be a lot less within a month (or two). I hope so! He'll report his findings to the internist right away. I'll speak with the internist this Friday.
Yesterday evening Wonder and I meditated for half an hour. I was floating and swimming in a clear blue sea with the sun shining from above, nice and comfortable. At one time I was a dolphin, wow! Afterwards I felt so much better, more at ease. I'm going to do it more often.

Sarcoidosis?

Ron and I spent the whole afternoon in the hospital. The internist suspects I have sarcoidosis, a complex multisystem autoimmune disease which can affect the lungs, skin, joints, eyes, brain, and other soft tissue organs in the form of multiple inflammations. At this time, there is no known cure for sarcoidosis. Hooray....
I have to visit more specialists and do more tests a.s.a.p. and at the end of next week I get the "verdict". For now I have Diclofenac against the pain and inflammations, and another medicine to prevent stomach problems.

TT #12: frustration

Thirteen frustrations I run into at the moment (Please bear with me, I really need to blow off steam...) having pain and painkillers don't help powerlessness not being able to walk, sit, stand or lie down in a normal way having no power to hold something firmly computer trouble that prevented me from venting in my weblog absolute boredom being slow at almost everything wanting to be there for my man but instead he has to do things for me all the time feet looking like those of an elephant waiting for 4 days until the internist has time to see me feeling like doing exactly the things I can not do having to ask others to help me a zillion times waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrr..... Did you come this far?? Wow, thank you for putting up with my rant! It feels good to do that though, really needed that. Don't worry, I know it's not all this dark. There are worse things, a lot of them. I'm just not having the time of my life at the moment... But as always, I'll scramble to my feet again and survive! :-) ~*~*~*~ Links to other Thursday Thirteens! ~*~ Peppylady ~*~ Candy Minx ~*~ Nathalie ~*~ Silver ~*~ Caylynn ~*~ Eveline ~*~ Katia ~*~ Carmen ~*~ Shannon ~*~ K T Cat ~*~ Cheysuli ~*~ Gattina ~*~ Sparky ~*~ Chaotic Mom ~*~ Judy Callarman ~*~ Darla ~*~ Uisce ~*~ Bubba ~*~ the superstar ~*~ Duchess ~*~ Mistress of the Dark ~*~ Twyla ~*~ Tiggerprr ~*~ Susan ~*~ Turtles ~*~ Get the Thursday Thirteen code here! The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted! View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Update

I haven't been online for a while. I've had computer trouble, but that's solved for the most part. The other reason is even more unpleasant: I have problems with my joints. My foot (ankle) is still swollen, not only on the inside but also on the outside. My other ankle is hurting too. My left arm has (probably) inflammations from elbow to pulse to the joint of my little finger. They are red, warm and swollen. My right pulse and elbow are also painful. My GP doesn't trust it and has made an urgent appointment for me with the internist (Friday afternoon).
In the meantime I can't do a lot. It's driving me crazy!! I had to pass on the Lucie Silvas concert last Thursday and cancel aquaspinning for the second time. Ron has to help me out around the house and Wonder has helped a lot also. Still, it's frustrating! I want to be there for Ron and now he has to do things all the time: walk the dogs, run the house. I know I can't help it, but... grrrrrrrr!

Monday evening Wonder and I went to a lecture / presentation by Anodea Judith at Selexyz Scheltema in Almere. She is an authority on chakra psychology and has written several very good books about it. She is in Europe to promote her newest book, Waking The Global Heart (in Dutch: Hart Voor De Wereld). I'm so glad I went despite my joints, because it was very interesting! You can read all about it on the special website. Anodea is a very nice and friendly woman. Afterwards she signed her books for us. She looked at me and signed mine with "Blessed Be, Anodea Judith". She had seen my pentacle pendant and asked me whether I was pagan. When I confirmed that she told me she's pagan too. I wasn't surprised though, in the presentation and her books were enough hints.